What She Taught Me
by ChristinaLacrima
Summary: Brittana are finally girlfriends. But their journey has only just begun. As their senior year goes on, they have coming out, friends, parties, graduation and so much more on their minds. And as if that wasn't enough, now they have to figure out how they work as a couple. Jealousy, uncertainty and passion lie ahead. M Rated ;) *SEQUEL to 'What I Didn't Know'* SANTANA'S POV.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, my darlings! Here's the first chapter of the SEQUEL! to 'What I Didn't Know'.  


Brittana are finally established. Find out what troubles they will face. They still have a long way to go :)

Characters not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

„I can't. I'm sorry, Britt, I just can't! I'm not ready!"

"But San, we said we'd tell them today."

"I know, but I can't! I mean, who knew they'd spontaneously invite half my family! I haven't even seen Tìa Carmen and uncle Julio in ages! And the boys are there, too!" I was pacing in front of my bed, Brittany watching my distraught movements from where she was sat on the very edge of the foot of the bed.

When my eyes traced over her as my hasty steps brought me back from the far end of the room, they got stuck on her.

My breath faltered for a second.

Brittany wore a beautiful, dark green, silken dress that hugged her in just the right places, but flowed freely around her thighs, making soft rustling sounds whenever she moved. And she loved to move in it. Actually, before this conversation, she had been twirling around my room, smiling at the sound the dress had made and happy about the way the skirt part of the dress floated up into the air, encircling her perfectly as she did one pirouette after another on my soft carpet.

I hadn't complained. The dancing had given me a nice view of her seemingly endless, toned legs and shown off just enough lacy underwear to stir up a comfortable tightness in my lower abdomen that sent tingles all throughout my body.

But then my mum had called up with her sing-sung happy voice she usually only used when we had visitors or she had a surprise for me. And this time it had been both. Our 'surprise visitors' were my dad's sister Carmen, her husband Julio and their two sons Marco and Ricardo, who we all called Richie – unless his mother was angry with him.

I loved my Tìa Carmen and the boys, and uncle Julio was nice as well even though I didn't know him too well, but they couldn't have picked a worse time to visit us.

It was two days before Christmas Eve, and Brittany and I had agreed that today would be the day we would tell my parents that we were together.

As in 'a couple' together.

Cause that's what we were now. A couple.

Ever since that fateful Tuesday a little over two weeks ago, when I had told Brittany that I loved her in the cheerleading locker room while a snow storm was raging outside, and she had said it back, we had been girlfriends.

Well, we hadn't actually said the words or talked about what we were until the following weekend. But after we had won Sectionals, we had all gone to Puck's, whose parents were away for three days, and had had a little victory party. It really hadn't been too wild, but for some reason Rachel had gotten drunk within the first hour and started slurring her wisdoms into everybody's ears, whether they liked it or not.

At first Brittany, Quinn and I had been watching in amusement – well, _I _had been amused anyway, whereas Brittany had actually just looked curious and Quinn weirdly enough a little sad and worried. Anyway, the three of us had been watching the train wreck that was Rachel Berry move from one Glee club member to the other, throwing her arm over their shoulders and making them obviously uncomfortable with her slurred words too close to their ears, until she had abruptly turned her head away from nuzzling Mercedes' ear, as if she had heard someone call out for her, and focused on us.

Once she had made her staggering way over to where Brittany, Quinn and I had been gathered around Puck's mum's high pop-up round table, she had leaned against Quinn who had seemed slightly awkward with Berry's arms slung around her neck, and had stared at the two of us – Brittany and me - and then just point-blank asked if we were girlfriends or what, because she was getting confused and she didn't like it.

I had been so stunned that I hadn't managed anything more than opening and closing my mouth helplessly, only too aware of the others, who had turned their collective attention towards us within a second, but Brittany had just smiled and taken my hand.

* * *

"_Yes." Brittany simply said, while my heart hammered one hundred beats a second._

_Her fingers tightened around my shaky hand and she leaned closer to me until our sides were touching. It was just what I needed and I managed to take a steadying breath and compose myself under Rachel's scrutiny._

"_Huh" Rachel's head wobbled back drunkenly. "Good. I thought so." She was nodding now, obviously pleased with herself for having had the right suspicion. _

_I glanced at Brittany who smiled back at me, her face lit up with joy. Slowly, I smiled back and my heart rate came down to normal, until a high-pitched squeal ruined it and it was racing again. _

_Kurt was grinning a grin that was too big for his face as he rushed over and hugged first Brittany and then me, spilling 'congratulations's and 'welcome to the clubs' and 'This is so great's over our stunned heads. Well, _my _stunned head. Brittany just seemed to genuinely enjoy herself immensely, smiling big and returning hugs as Mercedes, Tina and Mike followed Kurt's example._

_In fact, suddenly every single one of our friends was gathering around us, all of them with smiling faces and kind words. And as I looked over at Brittany again, I was overwhelmed at the joy I saw on her face._

_I backed away a little as they all came and encircled Brittany, shaking my head with a small smile when they looked at me with questioning eyes. I wasn't uncomfortable with the moment or trying to exclude myself, I just wanted to step aside, take a second to take it all in, and just watch her. Watch Brittany. With a sparkle in her eyes and a permanent smile plastered on her face._

_Seeing her so happy and relaxed worked like a charm, and before I knew it I was beaming as well._

_They were okay with it. No, _more _than okay! They were happy for us!_

_After Brittany and I had walked into the choir room holding hands on Tuesday and nobody had reacted badly, I had been able to release a bit of the tension that had held my body rigid and alert for as long as I could remember._

_Having them not freak out had already lifted a huge weight off my heart then, but as I watched Brittany now, laughing and nodding along to excited requests for official confirmation that we were a real couple, and just so simply delighted as our friends told us how happy they were for us, I was sure I had never felt so content in my life._

_Quinn and I shared a secret smile over all the fuss and I hoped she could read in my eyes how grateful I was to her for all she had done for me. _

_She had been there from the start, had pushed me to come to terms with it and consoled me when I had felt overwhelmed and scared. And that was why she had been the first one I had told. That night, after our Glee 'Underdog' Sectionals rehearsal, when we had all parted ways in front of BreadStix, Brittany and I had lingered behind until only Quinn and we had remained._

_Before we had even said anything, Quinn had already wrapped the both of us into her arms and told us how happy she was for us. For lack of more appropriate words I had made fun of her for sounding so choked up, but the teasing statement had kinda lost its edge as my own voice wavered halfway through and we had all laughed and hugged again._

_Walking home through the snow, arm in arm, the three of us had reminisced about the first time we had met Brittany and the good times we had shared since then. _

_I remember thinking how blessed I was to have Brittany and Quinn in my life and I still couldn't believe how everything seemed to finally come together for me._

_I swallowed thickly and nodded as Quinn lifted her cup, indicating that she was going to get another drink and silently asking if I wanted one as well. _

_She smiled and mouthed 'be right back'._

_As soon as she was out of sight, my eyes searched for Brittany again of their own accord. She was about ten feet away from me, her head on Tina's shoulder, and her arm linked with hers. As if she had felt my eyes on her, she suddenly looked at me. _

_Her lips curled into a lazy, but happy, smile. 'Hi.'_

'_Hey.' I mouthed back._

"_Hey, Lopez." A quiet voice distracted me from behind. _

_I turned around to see Puck standing in the doorway that led to the hall, his eyes laughing and his arms spread wide._

_My lips curled into a happy grin as I flung myself into his arms. He was warm and strong as he hugged me tightly to his body, his familiar musky 'Puck' smell enveloping me gently, and I suddenly remembered all the reasons why he had been my best friend when we were growing up, other than Quinn of course._

"_I'm really happy for you and Blondie." He murmured into my ear, his cheek pressed against my temple._

_My heart clenched joyously and a breath got caught in my throat. Was it really possible to be this happy? I wanted to thank him, to tell him he was an idiot just for old time's sake, or to say that I had missed him…_anything._ But no words would leave my mouth, so I just pressed closer into his chest before releasing him._

_We smiled at each other for another moment, before the crowd sucked us in again and I was in someone else's embrace._

_Actually it was more than one someone and I was soon being squashed in a tight circle, as Sam, Mercedes and Tina hugged the life out of me._

_I laughed loudly and squealed as we swayed and threatened to fall over, but Mike quickly came to my rescue, tearing first Tina and then a laughing Sam from my body by picking them up and lifting them away._

_**[ watch?v=BtnBQRjvuRc ]**_

_Somewhere during all this time, someone – probably Berry – had put on the karaoke version of 'Loving you is easy' by Ben Rector and everyone was singing along loudly. A definite proof that most of us weren't one hundred per cent sober anymore, which also explained the enthusiastic hugging that had occurred. But I didn't mind. _

_Because for once – and I believed, from here on out – I could let go of my fears and let myself be happy. _

_And my heart sang along as well, as it felt lighter than it ever had. _

_I almost didn't hear her call my name over all the laughter, singing and the nice or teasing things that were still being shouted at me from our tipsy and happy friends, but as soon as Brittany's fingers skidded over the back of my hand, all I could see was her._

_My fingers intertwined with hers and we gazed into each other's eyes for a second, or a minute, or an eternity, while another song came on and everybody started talking amongst themselves again._

_Only when I heard sniffles nearby did I break our connection._

_Behind Quinn, who had been talking with Mercedes, Rory was cradling a crying Sugar, looking more than confused._

_I heard Quinn ask her what was wrong and Rory just shrugged and explained that she had said she was just so damn happy and now everything was gonna be okay._

_I chuckled softly and Brittany, who had turned her head to look at Sugar as well, grinned as our eyes met again._

"_Are you okay?" she asked me softly, and I just nodded. _

_I was more than okay. Brittany was my girlfriend and all of our friends seemed to stand one hundred percent behind us._

_Even Finn, Joe and Rory had given Brittany a hug, although they had shied away from me when I had raised my eyebrow at them, not quite ready to have either of those three wrap me up in their arms._

_Only Artie had merely watched the scenario unfold from a little way's distance, but his soft expressions told me he approved as well, and for whatever reason, that meant something to me._

_Finally, Blaine and Finn calmed everyone down except for Rachel, who had vanished again, and the party continued like before with the one small difference that now, I was leaning against Brittany, my left hand intertwined with her right, while my right hand was wrapped around her right elbow, holding her close to me. _

_When Brittany started up a conversation with Blaine and Kurt who had replaced Quinn at our bar table, I rested my head against her shoulder and just let my mind wander as I listened to her voice._

_I couldn't believe how fast everything in my life had changed._

_Only a week ago I had been crying in my room, listening to sad love songs, and cursing myself for crushing on my best friend, all the while being strangled by gut-wrenching fear._

_And now…now I was happier than I had ever thought possible and it was all because of her._

_Brittany._

_My girlfriend._

* * *

I had felt that happiness every day since we got together, and that was a big part of why I had said yes when Brittany had carefully asked me if I thought we could tell my parents before Christmas Eve.

She wanted to spend Boxing Day with me, but she didn't want to have to lie about our relationship when her parents asked her why she couldn't even wait two days to see me again.

I had blushed when she had said that and only hesitated a second before agreeing to tell my parents.

Brittany had known that I would want my parents to know first, because it would drive me crazy with worry if I had known that Anna or Robert might call up my parents and break the news to them before I got a chance to tell them myself.

So Brittany and I had made a plan.

I would ask if she could stay for dinner one night and then we would tell them together.

And tonight was that night. Well, tonight was _supposed _to be that night, but now half of my dad's family was here and I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly, pleading for her to understand, and feeling like a ginormous asshole for asking that of her. Again.

But, I wouldn't have needed to worry, because – as always – Brittany was nothing _but_ supportive and understanding, and as she cooed a little 'naaw, honey!' and stood up to comfort me, I once again wondered how in the hell I even deserved her.

The second her strong arms wound around my neck, I relaxed, and my body molded against hers.

Her scent made me dizzy as I buried my face in her neck and it was a good thing she drew me closer, because it never took more than a simple embrace from Brittany to make me go weak in the knees.

"I love you." I mumbled against her warm skin, my eyes closed to savor the moment.

A deep hum rumbled up her chest and immediately set my skin on fire as her body vibrated against mine. "I love you too, Sanny." She whispered, and snuggled her cheek closer to mine.

I wondered if I would ever get used to hearing that. I chuckled softly. _Probably not._

"What?" Brittany asked gently, a smile in her voice.

I leaned back and cupped her face with my hands.

"Nothing. I'm just still so shocked you're mine now. It's like…" I laughed lightly and shook my head. "So completely amazing and it's just still a little baffling to me, you know?" I kissed her softly, but lingered until the kiss said things I felt too inarticulate to say myself.

Brittany hummed against my lips, "Mmmh, _baffling."_ She giggled lightly before cupping my neck and strongly pulling me into another kiss. She moaned into my mouth and the sound was so needy that it immediately set my body on fire and I felt sparks race up and down my spine. The urge to grab her, push her onto the bed and claim every part of her, was so sudden and strong, that I gasped loudly and took a step back.

"No fair!" I breathed heavily. Brittany's chest was heaving up and down as well and her eyes had turned so dark it made my stomach twitch violently. How did she do that to me with a simple kiss? A kiss _I _had originally initiated nonetheless!

"_You _were the one sweet talking me!" she gave back huskily and took a step towards me again, wrapping me in her arms. I pressed my left hand against her chest to keep her at a safe distance, but it was no use.

My thighs burned where hers touched them and my stomach rolled with unfulfilled need.

"Britt…" I whispered, as her lips skimmed over mine. She kissed me fleetingly before finding a soft spot on my neck and sucking gently.

"Oh god…" I groaned and craned my neck invitingly.

The way her heart hammered against my hand on her chest almost drove me wild with love and desire. I needed her. I needed her so bad, and feeling her need me to was indescribably beautiful.

Her hands stroked up and down my back and one of her legs found its way between mine. My hips bucked against her involuntarily and a low moan reverberated in my chest as my mind got foggy.

"I am, by the way." She murmured against my skin, making me shiver.

"Huh?"

She leaned back so suddenly that for a moment I thought I was falling or something. My grip on her tightened and I quickly opened my eyes. She was grinning at me, her hands safely on my hips.

"Yours. I'm yours." She chuckled quietly and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "Come on, your mum said dinner would be ready about now." She whispered into my ear. I was so turned on that even those words elicited a longing groan, as my stomach tightened and her lips brushed against my earlobes.

"You are evil." I complained weakly as she just leaned back again and laughed lightly, winding her fingers around mine.

"I know. But it's okay, cause I'm staying over anyhow." She winked at me suggestively and I drew in a sharp breath.

_Oh man…she's gonna be the death of me._

But as I got lost in her crystal blue eyes, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't even mind if my entire family heard us, as long as she was in my arms.

Maybe I would be brave enough to tell them after all.

* * *

"...y luego él dijo-"

"Speak English Marco! It's not polite to speak a language someone you talk to doesn't understand." Carmen told Marco off, before cleaning his mouth with one of our best cloth napkins my mum had put out for the special occasion.

"But Santana understands Spanish!" he defended himself with big eyes, leaning back to avoid another swipe with the napkin.

"But Brittany doesn't." she raised her eyebrow at him with a warning tone in her voice. Richie sniggered and I had to work to contain my smirk as well. I knew that tone of voice only too well. When I was about Marco's age I used to visit my auntie Carmen and uncle Julio a lot and it was quite common that that tone had been directed at me.

I heard Marco mumble 'But I wasn't even talking to her' as he leaned back in his chair, posture defensive, but he said it quietly enough that Carmen decided to ignore it.

I glared at him playfully from across the table and he looked a little sheepish. When I grinned though, the corners of his mouth twitched as well and he unfolded his arms from across his chest and sat closer to the table to dig in again.

"So, Brittany, we haven't seen you in quite a while. We would love for Santana to bring you along to ours again some time." Uncle Julio was saying and I felt Brittany sit up a little straighter next to me.

Brittany, my mum and I were sitting on one side of the table, facing my cousins and my aunt, while the two men were sitting at the opposite heads of the table.

"Oh, thank you. I'd love to come over again." Britt answered politely, a sweet smile on her lips as she let the fork she had just loaded with Fideuà sink back to the plate. "I loved your Piñata."

My aunt smiled and shared a look with her husband.

"B, the Piñata isn't always there. It's, like, just for special occasions." I told her quietly. Her eyebrows raised.

"Oh."

"No no!" My aunt's Spanish accent was very apparent. "Of course we can say it's a special occasion when Brittany is visiting." She smiled at my girlfriend kindly. Well, to _her _she was just my friend.

I looked over at Brittany and was surprised to actually see her look down and blush. Her mumbled 'thank you' was almost inaudible.

I shot her a questioning look and let the fingers of my right hand glide over her left forearm which was out of sight of anyone but me.

She glanced up and just smiled, her cheeks still rosy.

"Well, that sounds like a lovely idea." My mother said into the void. "Right Santana?"

I nodded and smiled first at my aunt and then my uncle. "Si, muchas gracias, tìa Carmen…y tìo Julio. That'd be great." Carmen waved me off nonchalantly and Julio just nodded smiling as he had just taken a big fork of food into his mouth.

"Mamita! Mamita, I'm full. Can Richie and I get up now?" little five year-old Marco asked.

"Si, cariño, but bring your plates in the kitchen before you run off. You haven't been raised like cavernìcolas!" The two were off before she had even finished the sentence and she let out an exasperated sigh and looked apologetic at my parents.

"I'm sorry. They're such whirlwinds." She laughed adoringly and my father joined in.

"Where only do I know that from?" he smirked.

"Hey! I wasn't…I…ugh whatever." The adults laughed at me happily and Brittany's broad grin made my own appear. Our eyes linked and the familiar sparkle in hers made my breath catch silently.

_I wanna do it. I wanna do it now!_

"Mum? Dad?" I stared into Brittany's eyes for a moment longer before actually looking at my parents who were sitting next to Brittany on our right.

"Hm? What is it, mija?" my mum asked. My dad looked at me calmly and openly and took a deep breath.

"I wanna tell you something. And I know this might be a… _surprise _for you-" I broke off, clenching my jaw to keep the rolling fear that had come up in the pit of my stomach at bay.

_What if they hate me? What if they throw me out? What if-_

I felt Brittany's eyes on me. _Everybody's _eyes were on me actually, but hers were the one I cared about.

She made me happy and I wouldn't hide it any longer. I wouldn't do that to her anymore. Or myself.

Brittany quietly reached over and I clasped my hand around hers in my lap.

My mum's eyes bore into me. "Santana?"

"I really really hope you're okay with this." I said quietly, doing my best to internally prepare myself for anything, before lifting Brittany and my conjoined hands onto the table, resting them between our plates.

"Brittany's my girlfriend. I love her and she's my girlfriend and I know you probably don't want this for me and didn't expect it, but I…I just…I'm gay, mum."

I expected gasps, angry Spanish rants from either my parents or my aunt or uncle. But everyone was eerily quiet. Except for my dad who was still eating his food as if nothing had happened. Nobody else moved and it was almost kind of comic how he chewed, looking up from his food, first at me, then at Brittany, before smiling softly and winking at us secretively.

I wanted to laugh from relief, but my mum still hadn't reacted in any way and slowly the uneasy feeling in my stomach tightened. I couldn't read her. Her expression was stony, frozen, as she stared at our hands. Unblinkingly. Somewhere upstairs Marco and Richie were screaming and laughing, probably chasing each other from room to room.

I almost wished I were up there with them instead of in this room. In this situation.

And my mum still hadn't spoken.

"Mrs. Lopez," Brittany began in her quiet, soft voice. She squeezed my hand a little tighter and I watched her in awe as she looked directly at my mum and spoke into the silence. "I love Santana. She's smart and proud and funny and strong and caring."

A pause.

My mum didn't visibly react, but my heart hammered inside of me. It wasn't just the fear of rejection and disgust though. Hearing those words from Brittany accelerated my heart rate like nothing else could. Well, _almost _nothing else.

Brittany tilted her head at my mum, as if trying to catch her eye.

"But you know all of that, because she hasn't changed. She's right here and nothing has changed at all."

That wasn't quite true though, I thought. Because I had never been this happy before, and I would have never been strong enough, brave enough, to do this, hadn't it been for Brittany. In a sense, _everything _was different, and still, I was the same.

I held my breath as my mum's gaze slowly lifted. She didn't look at me. Instead, she and Brittany locked eyes. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity and if I hadn't been so frozen I had been shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I shot a quick glance at my dad. Why wasn't he helping?

But he just watched the scene unfold with interest, changing from looking at Brittany to my mum, like in a tennis match. He held his hand up a tiny bit as I was about to speak, indicating I should let them handle it amongst themselves.

For a second I felt like the stereotypical teenage girl before her first date, who was anxiously awaiting her dad's assessment and approval of her boyfriend.

Only my mum was so much scarier than my dad could ever be and Brittany was so much more than just some stupid boy taking me out to my first day. She was my lobster, after all.

I frowned but didn't say anything, and finally my mum shifted her gaze to me. Her eyes were watery but she didn't let the tears fall. "Well…" I detected a tiny tremor in her voice. "We've always thought you and Brittany were quite the pair. I guess we just didn't realize just _what _a pair you are."

Her lips were a thin line and her posture was tight as she daintily cleaned her mouth with the napkin before standing up and taking her plate into the kitchen without another word. My heart dropped and hadn't it been for Brittany's reassuring hand in mine and for my dad, my fears would have taken over. But he was just smiling softly at his plate.

He wasn't worried.

So, I shouldn't worry either. _Right?_

My heart ached a little as I watched my mother's retreating back vanish into the kitchen, but at least I had finally told them.

Brittany blew out a breath and for the first time I noticed that I was shaking slightly as she circled her thumb over the top of my hand and searched my eyes.

I gave her a small smile and quickly got lost in her gentle, blue eyes. _God, look at her. She was so amazing and now she's still taking care of _me! _Worrying about _me. _How can she be so perfect? _

I still couldn't believe she had done that. Stood up to my mum like that and told her openly that she loved me, even though she couldn't have had any idea how my mum would react to that. I hadn't thought it was possible to love her even more, but now I had a feeling Brittany would manage to prove me wrong again and again. Someone cleared their throat.

My uncle and aunt looked slightly shell-shocked and seemed at a loss for words. "Um…well…this is- unexpected." Carmen said slowly, her expression still showing surprise. Then her light brown eyes softened. "Congratulations, Santana. Brittany." She smiled at us, before glancing at her husband, who tried not to stare too obviously at Britt's and my hand on the table.

She nudged him and he jolted upright. "Uh, yes, unexpected, uh..." Carmen rolled her eyes at him and my dad chuckled quietly.

"Your husband is so articulate, Carmina." He smirked fondly.

"Ay, give him a second, Hector! It's not every day your niece comes out." She chided him good-naturedly, flicking her wrist at him in a vivacious manner that was typical for my Hispanic family. We were all very temperamental. And proud of it.

Then she addressed Brittany and me once more. "He'll have a more appropriate response tomorrow morning, don't you worry." Her tone was slightly teasing and Julio frowned at her as she padded him on the forearm, which made her giggle.

A breathy laugh escaped me. This was not at all what I had expected, but somehow I was so happy that my family seemed to accept it so easily. Well, _part _of my family anyway. I felt something wet on my cheek and discretely wiped away the tear.

After a second of relatively comfortable silence in which we all just smiled at each other slightly awkwardly, my dad stood up with a stiff groan. "Well, who will help me clear the rests of our delicious dinner away?" he asked the table at large.

Brittany and I let go of each other's hands and got up immediately, and as chairs scraped over the floor and my aunt and uncle started talking sleeping arrangements with my dad, I drew in the first real breath since I had decided to tell them.

"What are you thinking?" Brittany asked me as we carried the remaining plates through the living room. I shrugged.

"I'm not sure yet. But I think it went…okay?" I tried to sort all of my feelings and the reactions from everyone in my mind.

I was relieved beyond words that my dad and aunt had acted so relaxed upon hearing the news. I wasn't worried about uncle Julio either. But my mum was another story.

Her silence and clipped words had seemed cool and distant. But then again, my dad hadn't seemed too worried and after all, he knew her best.

"She just needs some time." Brittany said quietly as if she had read my mind. I stopped just inside the kitchen. My mum's plate stood on the corner but there was no sign of her. I felt a small pinch in my heart.

Turning to Brittany, I found her eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I hope so."

Her eyes held mine. "She loves you." She said. And she sounded so sure beyond a doubt, that I couldn't help but believe her.

_She does. Mum _does _love me. And she'll come around. She has to._

"I know." I pressed my lips together and relaxed my shoulders. "Come on. She'll r_eally _kick me out of the house if we leave the kitchen in such a mess." I joked lightly, moving to dispose the dirty plates into the dishwasher.

Brittany gave me a 'don't even joke' look as my dad and aunt came in with some more dishes, they were laughing, apparently having mutually taken to teasing Julio about something, who I glimpsed sulking on the sofa.

I grinned big at Brittany and shook my head. _Oh man, what an evening._

There was still a painful twinge persistently tugging at my heart as I cleared my mum's plate away, but when Brittany started humming happily, I bit my lower lip.

Everything would be fine. Everything would be _just _fine, as long as I had Brittany.

_Right?_

* * *

I was staring out of the window of my room. It was dark outside and almost invisible snowflakes soundlessly made their way to earth.

It had been over an hour since my mum had walked out and she still wasn't back. It wasn't like I was too worried for her safety, my mother was a tough woman and I wouldn't want to be the guy who ever dared to attack her.

I was worried for _us_. My mum and me.

What if she couldn't deal with it after all? What if she saw me differently now? What if she was disgusted by me?

Suddenly the dark purple pullover I had put on over my wine red dress I had worn for dinner didn't seem to be warm enough anymore. I shivered and wrapped my arms tighter around my middle, grabbing on to the soft, woolen material for comfort on either side.

"Are you okay?" a soft voice came from my bedroom doorway. I took a breath and turned around to greet Brittany with a smile.

"Did my aunt finally release you?" I smiled wryly, deliberately ignoring the question.

After cleaning up, my uncle Julio had brought the boys to bed and Carmen had immediately snatched up Brittany to question her about me and about her and about us. I had only been a fraction as worried what Brittany would tell her as I used to be.

We had had the 'don't tell people about our sex-life' talk more than once since the 'sex-is-not-dating'-phone debacle from almost three years ago. So, while the two of them had sat down on the sofa, my dad had gone into his study to call my mum and I had slipped upstairs into my room to get away from all of it for a second and to think. But of course, Brittany had eventually come to find me.

"Thought she'd never let you go." I said quietly. My eyes flickered to the floor for a second.

Brittany blew out a silent laugh and then she did that thing. That Brittany thing. She just stood there, slowly leaning against the doorframe, crossing her arms under her breasts, and looked at me. _Really_ looked at me.

I never felt as naked, as vulnerable, as _seen _as when those bright, sparkling blue eyes caressed my face like they did now. Searching for me. Searching for what was truly in my head and my heart.

Brittany tilted her head, her blonde locks she had curled specially for the occasion this afternoon cascading down my bedroom doorframe and standing out against the black-painted wood.

"Santana." She prodded gently and I drew in a shaky breath. Around Brittany my walls always crumbled.

"What if she doesn't come back?"

"San."

"No, Britt! What if she doesn't come back?"

Brittany crossed my room in three big strides. Caringly, she eased my rigid body into her arms until I could nestle my face against her warm, slender neck. I let go of my jumper and slid my arms around her waist, pulling her even closer.

"Of course she'll come back. She's your mum." She hushed barely above a whisper. I shook my head softly.

"What if she doesn't come back the way she was? What if my _mum_ doesn't come back, only this woman who's disgusted by me. Who hates me!" my entire upper body shook with two powerful, dry sobs and I buried deeper into her, seeking comfort. Because I could feel the pain, the fear, threatening to overpower me.

Her hands drew soothing circles on my back and massaged my neck lovingly as she hushed, "That won't happen. You _know _her. She loves you, she's just a little… _scared_ right now."

I sniffed, letting the first tears carelessly roll down my cheeks, and leaned back so I could look into Brittany's eyes.

"Scared?"

"Mhm." She nodded with a sympathetic smile on her beautiful lips. "She's scared for _you, _honey."

I frowned in confusion and sniffed again, the pet name leaving my body tingling as always. "What do you mean? Why would she be scared for me?"

A warm hand cupped my check and she wiped away another tear with her thumb before brushing a stray strand of thick, dark brown hair behind my ear. This time her smile was bigger and lit up her whole face in a way that made me wanna blink from the brightness that seemed to illuminate her, but _not _blink at the same time, for fear of missing out on such a beautiful sight.

"Because," Brittany began, in a quite but almost teasing 'duh' voice. "She only wants the best for you-"

"But you _are _the best for m-"

"Shh!" she quickly covered my lips with a single finger, a smirk on her own. "She only wants the best for you, and she wants you to be happy." This time she only needed to raise an eyebrow to stop my protest in my throat. "And most people think that life can only be happy if it's easy. What you and I have isn't easy, so she's scared you won't be happy." One corner of her mouth lifted as she shrugged her shoulders matter-of-factly.

I couldn't do anything but stare at her. How the hell could anybody think she was _anything _but a genius?

I shook my head slowly, in awe of her once again. "How do you do that?"

Her eyes moved between my lips and my eyes. "Do what?" she asked in almost a whisper. Innocently. Almost distractedly.

"_That_! Be so…" my gaze shifted between her eyes, as if the right words were written somewhere behind them, but they eluded me. "Be so _you_. How do you know things about my mum, about _me, _while I'm over here, completely clueless?"

She giggled breathily, eyes still dropping to my lips every few seconds. She shrugged again. "Dunno. I'm just… you know, being me." Her smile wasn't shy, even though her soft voice was, her cheeks blushing just the tiniest bit.

I fanned my fingers out over her back and pressed her closer against me. The way her chest pushed into mine and the skin of her toned thighs lit mine on fire, shot an unexpected surge of arousal through my veins and we gasped at the same time. "You're perfect." The low, gravelly quality of my voice only spurred my senses even more and my breath quickened. "You're perfect and you're mine."

As Brittany's quiet moan mingled with my possessive growl, I surged forward, suddenly almost feeling out of my mind, my control slipping away from me like sand running through my fingers, and claimed her lips in a feverish kiss.

I didn't even give her time to react properly before I hungrily pushed my tongue inside her mouth, needing her closer, needing to be inside her. She moaned again, but this time she was ready for me, meeting my warm, exploring muscle with her own skilled tongue.

And like everything with Brittany, it was magic. And we danced.

* * *

Swaying on my tip-toes, I couldn't get enough of her. My hand tangled in her hair, cupping her neck and guiding her willing mouth to my throat. Immediately she sucked passionately low beneath my chin and I let out a strangled cry as she bit softly, before soothing the spot with the lick of her tongue and a gentle kiss.

My breathing was fast and heavy, and I could barely stand. If we hadn't been clinging to each other so desperately I might have sunken to the floor. "God, Brittany…" I sighed, as her warm hand slipped beneath my jumper and found my skin where my backless dress allowed it. She slowly walked me backwards, all the while planting little open mouthed kisses on my neck, until my hips bumped against something. _Desk._

"Mmh, you taste so good." She murmured hotly against my skin. A shiver ran down my spine and made my nipples stand up under the layers of clothing still keeping my breasts from her magic hands. I wanted them off. My pullover, my dress, my bra, _everything off. _"Like summer."

"Britt…" through heavy lids I looked across the room. "The- mmh" she nipped at my earlobe and I temporarily lost track of what I had wanted to say.

"Hm? What, baby?" she purred into my ear, pushing her thigh between my weak legs. I jolted upwards and gave a little cry as the term of endearment sent sparks down my spine and the friction of her thigh against my crotch made me aware of my pulsing clit.

"Shit…uh, the…the door." I stammered out breathlessly. "Britt, it's still o-aah-" she pressed her thigh harder against me, which pushed me halfway onto the desk and my knee against her crotch. Brittany grunted and pressed her forehead against mine before kissing me hotly.

My head was swimming.

I clung to her strong upper arms to hold myself steady. "B-britt-" I mumbled against her wet lips, my whole body buzzing with sexual electricity. I was lost in her, but somewhere in the back of my mind something kept stirring.

Sure fingers stroked up my outer thigh and then pushed under the hem of my dress, bunching it higher up. I whimpered almost inaudibly as her tongue flicked over mine. Then her lips closed around my kiss-swollen lower one and she sucked. Instantly the heated knot in my stomach tightened powerfully and my abs trembled against her.

_Ah shit! No, wait…the door…something was-_

"I love you, San." Her words were so heavy and suddenly all I could see was blue as she stared right into my soul. It was like the depths of her dilated pupils were sucking me in, drowning me in Brittany. In love.

My breath hitched and suddenly I wanted everything at once because time wasn't enough. I wanted her to take me. Right there, right then. I wanted so badly to give myself to her. I wanted her skin against my skin, her need beneath my touch. I wanted to fill her and fulfill her in every way possible. And yet…

I couldn't move. All I could do was stand there, helplessly in her arms, her love devouring me while my lust ate me alive.

I choked at the first try. I cleared my throat. "I love you, too."

The voice was foreign, and yet I had never been more myself than I was like this. With her.

Our breathing was still ragged and I could feel my heartbeat thundering _everywhere_. But somehow I was afraid to move, afraid to breathe. Was it too good to be true? Was it all going to slip away if I dared to move?

So, I was afraid to.

How could that be, though? When at the same time just holding her was pure contentment.

We leaned in at the same time and when our lips met again – this time softly but possessively - all the desperation, the uncontrolled thirst, escaped me in the form of a long sigh.

I didn't need to hurry. I didn't need to worry. I was home.

A soft knock coming from the door startled us and our lips disconnected. Brittany swiftly took a step back as my dad's head peeked around the open door frame. "Could I borrow my daughter for a minute, Brittany?"

I pushed away from the edge of the desk. Brittany seemed to be just as hazy as me, when she merely nodded, eyes big and round. Her face was quite flushed and judging by how hot my own cheeks felt, they probably would have looked just as red if it hadn't been for my darker skin tone. My dad smiled at us and gestured for me to come out into the hall with him.

I reflexively straightened out my clothes and hair and shot Brittany one last glance before following my dad towards the top of the stairs, closing my bedroom door behind me.

My mind was running wild with feelings and my heart spilled over with emotions, but when my dad turned to look at me with a grief expression a sudden jolt of fear sobered me.

_Shit._

"What? What is it? Is it mum? Is she okay?"

_Oh my god, something really _did _happen to her out there! Oh my g-_

"No, no! Your mother is fine, I just spoke to her. She'll be home soon." My dad said hastily, thankfully interrupting and muting my anxious thoughts. He leaned his back against the banister from where you could see into the entrance hall below and crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing me contemplatively.

The light in the upstairs hallway was dimmed, probably so my cousins could sleep with an open door, and my dad's face was partly obscured by shadows. "I just wanted to talk to you about all of this. It's been a big night for you. Both of you." His eyes searched mine and I thought I heard concern in his soft, deep voice.

I relaxed a little now that I was sure my mum was okay, and smiled weakly, suddenly feeling how tired I really was.

"Yeah," I agreed with a quiet laugh. "Yeah, you could say that."

He audibly took a slow breath before blowing it out through his nose. "Are you okay?"

I waited for there to be more, but my dad only continued to let his eyes wander over my face, not unlike Brittany's had when she had found me in my room, only with the slight difference that his gaze didn't do the things to me that hers did.

I was about to give the standard, 'I'm fine' reply, but then I paused and really thought about the answer. Was I okay?

"I'm…relieved. And I'm really, really happy. _She _makes me so happy, daddy," his smile softened. "But I'm also…a little upset." I confessed, my gaze not wavering as I watched for his reaction. He just nodded slowly and then looked down at his arms in thought.

"Your mother loves you very much, Santana. We both do." He said seriously, as he raised his head to meet my eyes again. "I hope you never doubt that."

I swallowed, a distant pain echoing inside me somewhere. "Yeah, I know. But…" _what if it's not enough? What if she loves me but hates me at the same time? What if she can't stand being around me anymore?_

I think my dad saw the unspoken questions in my suddenly watery eyes, because he shook his head with an assuring expression on his face and stepped forward, laying both of his hands gently onto my shoulders and bowing his head to look deep into my eyes. "Santana, she will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. You know your mother, querida. Sometimes she takes a while to take to new things." He chuckled softly.

I had to smile as well as I remembered the Christmas when dad had come home without the moustache he had had ever since before I was even born. She hadn't talked to him for two days. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right, it's just… what if this time is different?" I asked, my voice suddenly shaking so much I was sure my dad had to strain to even make out what I was saying.

"It won't be."

"Promise?" I asked in a childlike voice around my tightened throat, needing the reassurance more than I could say. He gathered me into his strong, protective arms. I leaned against him and let his familiar scent soothe me. His chin lightly bobbed against the top of my head as he nodded.

"I promise, mi corazón. Everything will be okay." He murmured softly, his chest rumbling beneath my ear. I let myself believe him for the moment.

We stood in this comforting embrace for a few moments longer, until I took a deep breath and leaned back, slowly sliding out of his arms. "Thanks, dad." I smiled at him, and I really meant it.

His eyes were warm and made me feel safe. "De nada. You just chin up and don't worry too much." For a second his gaze grew serious once more. "You did a very brave thing today, Santana. And I am so very proud of you."

A heavy lump built in my throat as another wave of tears threatened to overcome me anew. With quivering lips I breathed, "Thank you." And hugged him again. Only briefly this time.

When I stepped back, I averted my gaze and quickly cleared my throat, as he did the same. _God, I haven't been this sentimental in front of my dad since Snickers died! Get it together, Lopez!_

"Of course we'll have to set some new rules now." My dad surprised me in saying.

"Huh?" my eyes returned to him questioningly. My hand wiped away the last of my tears as he composed himself a little, trying to put on his authoritarian face and only failing slightly.

"Well, you've changed the game so now we have to change the rules. Since Brittany is your girlfriend I'm afraid the two of you can't have sleepovers anymore until your mother and I have come up with a new game-plan. This is quite new territory for us." He almost looked calculating, but all the while couldn't fully hide his smirk.

"Wh-? But dad, come on! It's not like she can get me pregnant!" he winced and held his hands up.

"Santana, I really don't want to think about what the two of you have been up to. There are some things a father should never talk about with his daughter. That's why god created mothers."

My eyes widened. "I can't talk about this with _mum!_ I don't want to talk about this with either of you! I'm just saying that you don't have to worry about stuff like that with us obvi-"

"_Seriously_. I don't want to know." He interrupted, and I could have sworn I saw my dad - who was a few shades darker than me - pale considerably. I threw my hands up in frustration and blew out an irritated groan.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you about us!" I mumbled under my breath. My dad didn't comment, but from his amused expression I could tell he had probably heard.

"Well, until your mother and I have agreed on some things, that's the way it's going to be, mija. No more sleepovers. We love Brittany and she's always welcome here, but she can't stay over anymore for now."

I bit my inner cheek as my dad had said something that awakened another fear. "Is she though, dad? Is Brittany still welcome here?" I asked quietly, careful on the off chance that Brittany was listening at the door. I didn't want her to overhear his answer in case it was what I was afraid of.

There was no need to add that it was my mum I was mainly concerned about this time.

His face turned solemn. "She will always be welcome in this house, Santana. But in case your mother takes more time to adjust to this than we would hope…I think it's best if the two of you met somewhere else for a while. Just until we've tested the waters, bien, mi amor?" the solace the fact that he had said 'we' gave me was small compared to the disappointment I felt.

Despite all his encouraging words of comfort, my dad still knew that it wouldn't be easy for a while.

My girlfriend had just been banned from the house and I finally came to really understand that I had started something today that wouldn't be over for quite some time.

No matter what decision my mother would ultimately reach, it would be a long road until things would be normal again, I was sure of that.

I sighed in defeat. There was no point in arguing tonight. We all had to figure out how to go on from here.

I wished, like I had so many times before – especially in the last few weeks since I had admitted having a crush on Brittany to myself – that this wouldn't be such a big deal. That we lived in a world where no one had to _come out, _because nothing was assumed or considered more normal than other things.

But we didn't.

The world was what it was and there was nothing I could do about it for now.

"I'll say goodbye to her."

The words felt heavy on my tongue as I turned without another glance and walked back into my room to tell Brittany she had to leave. For now.

One thing was sure though, without a single doubt.

Now that I finally had her, I would never let her go.

No matter what.

* * *

So that's the first chapter, y'all :) What did you think?

I hope you enjoyed this beginning of a new adventure. 

Spanish: 

_Y luego el dijo -_ **and then he said-**

_Si, muchas gracias tia Carmen ...y tio julio -_ **yes, thanks alot aunt carmen... and uncle julio**

_cavernicolas -_ **cavemen**_  
_

_mi corazon -_ **my heart/ my love**

_mija -_ **honey/my daughter**

_de nada -_ **no problem**

big thanks to sheashoeaddict for helping me with the spanish :)

Reviews are love, my darlings :*  



	2. Chapter 2

Me again :D Hope you're still excited to see what happens with Brittana now. For all the new-comers, this is a Sequel to another story 'what i didn't know', but i guess you already know that :) to all my old readers (old as in loayl, not elderly :D) welcome back and i'm so happy and humbled that you still want to read my writing.

I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It was silent in the car as we sat parked in front of Brittany's house.

The only sounds were the low rumbling of the engine and the constant hum as hot air blew from the little grids to keep us warm.

Thankfully it hadn't taken a lot to convince my dad to at least let me drive Brittany home. As we neared the end of December it was dark already, after all, and no girl should ever walk home alone in the dark.

I shifted in my seat and drew my right leg onto the warm leather. I looked at Brittany for the first time since we had gotten into the car after I had tried to explain everything to her. She hadn't said much and her expression hadn't given away any of the feelings I suspected had to be roaring deep inside her right now.

I probably hadn't done a very good job at explaining to her why she couldn't stay over tonight and why we wouldn't be able to go to my place for a while. At least _I _felt like nothing I had said would be good enough to make it clear that none of this was in any way her fault or because somebody didn't like her.

But then again, Brittany often seemed to understand these things way quicker and better than I did. I just didn't know.

Her face was half hidden as the small, yellowish ceiling light cast eerie, elongated shadows everywhere around us.

A sudden need to protect her, to cradle her against my chest overwhelmed me and I took a breath to stay calm.

"What are you thinking?" I asked into the quiet. My voice was hushed but it still seemed loud to me. Brittany turned her head and looked at me with those soulful, blue orbs.

"I'm thinking about Boxing Day." She answered in the same, quiet tone.

My eyebrows arched and my tense fist relaxed next to my leg. "Boxing Day?"

A smile appeared on her face. "Well, yeah. I mean, that's why I wanted you to tell them in the first place, remember? So we could spend Boxing Day together."

My heart almost ached at the purity and innocence that shone on Brittany's face. Her voice was so carefree, how could I tell her?

"Britt…" I drew my lower lip into my mouth and looked down at my hands as I searched for the right words. But there weren't any. Just the simple, sucky truth. "I don't think I'll be able to spend Boxing Day with you." I said carefully, raising my gaze to see her reaction. Her brows furrowed.

"Why? Now that your parents know about us, I can tell _my _parents and then they won't wonder why I would want to spend the day after Christmas with you." She smiled brightly. To her it must have seemed like I just didn't understand and she was eager to tell me the good news.

Such joy and happiness was in her hopeful words, that I felt painfully close to tears at having to crush that simple dream.

My smile was sad as I reached over and took her left hand with my right one. "I'm sorry, Britt-Britt, but…" I swallowed against the heaviness in my chest. "I don't think my mum will allow me to."

Her face fell and my heart along with it. "Oh." She looked down at our twined fingers in the middle between our seats. "Right." The silence that followed threatened to crush me and I had to break it to breathe.

"I'm so sorry, B. You know I would love nothing more than to see you on Boxing Day, see you _every _day_, _but she…this is something we have to deal with for now, okay? But I promise I won't let her keep us apart. I promise." I laid all my strength and all my heart into those words because she had to know how true they were. I squeezed her hand and she met my eyes.

As the light illuminated her face once again, I saw a single tear run down her left cheek. "Oh, babe…" The term of endearment, though still new and rare, came effortlessly from my lips, and I felt a tingle in my stomach as hers eyes sparkled a second when I said it.

Quickly, I leaned forward and kissed the tear away. The salty taste vanished as I brushed my lips over hers in a chaste kiss.

My hand came up to cup her cheek as another one rolled down, and this time I let my thumb brush away the little drop.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, resting my forehead against hers. Her warm, smooth skin rubbed against mine as she lightly shook her head.

"No, no it's okay. It's not your fault. I just forgot…" her trembling voice trailed away.

I understood. One of the things I loved so much about Brittany was that she never dwelled too long on the things that made her sad. In my eyes it was an incredible strength that Brittany was able to focus on the good things in her life the way she did.

So much so sometimes, that she forgot about the burdens and barriers and pain. For her there were much more possibilities than there were reasons why she shouldn't do something and every time I explained why a door was closed she showed me ten open windows.

But this time there were no open windows. This time there was just the hope that it would get better and I was happy to be the one to remind _her_ of that for once.

"It'll be okay. She'll get over it and then you won't be able to get rid of me." I grinned wistfully as I leaned back to look into her eyes. My left hand stroked over her curly hair and my heart leapt as she smiled back.

"I won't want to." She said in nothing but a whisper, and her eyes were so honest and her voice so fragile, that my breath caught in my throat as my pulse sped up.

I kissed her again. A slow, meaningful kiss, that reassured me as much as her. And when our lips parted a little bit of that hope had been restored and her eyes seemed just that much brighter.

"We'll text and we'll talk on the phone and I'll get someone to bring you your present." I vowed, pulling her hand into my lap as my fingers tightened around it. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and she quickly gave me another peck.

"I don't want you to have someone else bring me your present." She said in a deep voice, her lips hovering over mine. "I want to exchange presents together. Besides, mine kind of requires you to be there."

I swallowed and my left eyebrow rose, intrigued. "Oh, _really_?" I hadn't even meant for my voice to sound as seductive, but I guess that was an understandable response.

Brittany just grinned and nodded, leaning back a little.

"Well then I _insist _that we do the gift thing just between the two of us."

She nodded again, more vigorously. "But we can still text and talk on the phone and things, right?" A warmth spread through me as I smiled slowly. Having Brittany want me would never seize to amaze and humble me.

"Of course. Like I could go a day without talking to you." I rolled my eyes playfully and then grinned relieved as she giggled and then smiled happily at me.

Once again I noticed that making Brittany smile was one of my favorite things to do.

* * *

When I got home I shut the heavy front door quietly behind me after stomping off the little bit off snow that had gathered on my boots onto the mat on the porch. I carefully hung up my coat and unwound my scarf. The hallway was quite dark, only sparsely illuminated by the soft light that came from the living room through the doorless kitchen, and I blindly draped the damp woolen scarf over the radiator behind the little cupboard in the hallway.

Then I halted in my movements, straining to hear whose voices I could make out in the living room. _Should I go upstairs? Should I just sneak into my room and pretend to be asleep to avoid talking to my mum? I she even home yet?_

I took a few steps towards the stairs, but as soon as my hand had gripped the banister to quickly haul me up the carpeted flight of stairs and into the solitary confinement of my bedroom, the light flickered and I saw the dark shape of a person coming through the kitchen.

Glancing longingly upstairs, I was convinced my plan wouldn't go through, and as I heard my father speak, my prediction was confirmed.

"There you are." His voice was quiet, fitting the atmosphere and the lateness of the hour. It must have been around eleven by now.

"Hey." I said shortly. He halted a few feet away from me in the doorway to the kitchen. I knew that my tone had been curt, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't angry at my dad, just tense.

"Did you get her home safely?" he asked unnecessarily. _Well, obviously!_

I bit back the annoyed retort. Sensing that I'd be asked to talk to my mother any moment now was making me nervous and aggressive. But I didn't want to push my dad away as well, so I did my best to rein in my temper.

"Yeah."

He nodded. "Good. That's good." I took my hand off the banister and came down the few steps I had already climbed.

"Mum's home, isn't she." It wasn't so much a question than a resigned statement. I glanced to the cloak-rack and nodded to myself as her still wet winter coat confirmed it before my dad could even say anything.

"Julio and Carmen have gone to bed. I think it's time for a little family talk." My dad said softly. I drew in a slow breath and then turned to him. Walking past him I swallowed down my uneasiness.

As we walked towards the living room together, his hand shortly came to rest on my shoulder and he squeezed it reassuringly. My stomach settled infinitesimally and I prepared myself mentally for whatever my mother was about to say to me.

This moment could very well become the changing point in my life. The moment that decided what relationship my mum and I would have in the future and I felt my heart race as I stepped over the wooden threshold that separated the kitchen from the warm living room.

My mother was sitting with her back to me on the big sofa in the middle of the living room, facing the fireplace where my dad had ignited a fire just before Brittany and I had left. By now it had spread a welcoming warmth all throughout the living room and its flickering glow could have lulled my tired body into a cozy state of relaxation hadn't I been so tense and apprehensive inside.

Wordlessly, I circled around the couch, my dad right behind me, until I could let myself sink into the other couch that stood in a ninety degree angle to the one my mother was sitting on.

I didn't look at her until I had sat down. My mum's face glowed in dark, warm colors as the only sources of light were the quietly rumbling fire and a big, old-fashioned floor lamp to my mum's left.

She was staring blankly at a spot on the coffee table in front of her, her hands folded in her lap. She only blinked when my dad sat down next to her and the sofa shifted a little. He caringly covered her small hands with his left, which was big enough to enclose both of hers.

"Mi amor, hable con ella." He said gently to her.

My mother stared for another few seconds before she gave a small jerk, seemingly ripping herself away from her inner thoughts with great effort. Her eyes slowly lifted up to meet mine.

I wished I could read people like Brittany was able to, but as I could hardly make out her eye color, let alone anything more specific, it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway.

"How long have you kept this from us?" Even though I had expected her to speak, actually hearing her voice startled me and I twitched involuntarily. Maybe a small part of me had already given up that she would ever talk to me again. I didn't know what to feel.

"I…" This was not the time to stammer. _Come on! You can do this!_

"That depends on what you mean." I said carefully. I was happy that my voice didn't show any of the anxiousness I felt inside. It was strong and clear. I hoped my words would be too.

At the moment they seemed to anger my mother however. A muscle in her jaw twitched as she clenched her teeth together before clarifying it to me indignantly.

"I _mean_," she almost growled. "Since when have you been lying to us?" I was about to protest but my mum pushed on, her body rigid as she leaned forward, her eyes glinting. "Since when have you been this way? Since when have you-"she broke off abruptly and pressed back against the back of the couch as if trying to create distance between herself and something disgusting. Me.

My chest constricted as I had to work to keep the tears a bay. I couldn't get emotional now. I had known she could react like that. Had feared it probably most of my life, somewhere deep inside. I had to power through now or else I feared I wouldn't have another chance to make her understand.

"You mean how long have I been gay?" I asked bluntly, ignoring my mother's flinch as if someone had poured something hot against her. "Or are you asking since when have I _known _that I am gay. Or do you wanna know since when I've been with Brittany?" I went on, my own fury at the world slowly increasing until it flickered just beneath the surface, almost palpable.

_How can she be so ignorant? Why can't I have it easy like everyone else? And why the fuck can't she just fucking love me the way a mother is supposed to love her child?!_

I bit my teeth together and scooted to the edge of the couch, my eyes never leaving her face.

"Well, let's see mum. I've probably been gay my entire life. If I'm being really honest with myself I've had suspicions about it since around the time I met Brittany, which should answer the third question I guess. I've been in love with Brittany since the day I met her." my rant softened and there was an urgency in my voice that made it sound strained and rough. She _needed _to understand this part. This part was crucial. It was the most important thing about all of this, because _she _was my whole world. Brittany.

My mum had looked away from me the second I had started talking and still apparently couldn't bring herself to look at her daughter. She was frozen against the soft leather of the couch, my dad watching her silently as I went on.

"I've loved Brittany forever, mum, but I've only just realized it." I leaned forward, my elbows coming to rest on my knees and my hands clasping to each other. "I've only just _let _myself realize it, because I almost lost her and I couldn't have handled that. But, I've been denying it for so long, because I was scared, mum, so scared. I was scared what everybody would think of me, what they would say behind my back and that I might be bullied or threatened or-" my voice broke, and I felt tears stream down my face.

My dad was staring at me now, his face stony and tense and I thought I saw something wet on his cheek. _He's so angry…_

My dad was rarely furious, but right at that moment I could almost feel his hot anger blazing from his body. Anger and pain. He was angry because I was telling him his daughter had been scared and he never wanted me to be scared. And he hadn't been able to help me. But now he was.

It was my dad's silent compassion and support that gave me the strength to go on. Facing my mother again, who still hadn't moved except for the pained expression on her face, I continued in a calmer voice.

"I was scared because everybody knows there are people in the world who hate people like me. Who treats us horribly and who make us hurt. Hell, I even acted like one of them not too long ago and I'm so disgusted by myself for that. But back then I couldn't think of any other way to protect myself. To protect what I was feeling inside from being detected, from being seen and destroyed by their hate. And once I had sort of figured out how I felt about Brittany all of it, all of this hate that was awaiting me out there, _us _out there, scared the shit out of me. It scared me so much that I hurt the one person I wanted to protect the most. I was so confused and scared and felt so alone and I pushed Brittany away over and over until it seemed she wouldn't come back. That was when it just came out. It just overwhelmed me, this…this _feeling_," I shook my hands in front of me, frantic to find the right words to describe what had happened the night after Brittany and I had fought at her house. The night I had found the note.

"It just washed over me and it was more powerful than anything I had ever felt. Mum, it's _love._ I know it is. I love her so much and it killed me when I thought I had lost her for good." The tears were running relentlessly now, but I didn't bother to wipe them away. Instead a smile crept onto my face. "But she forgave me. She forgave me and took me back, despite everything. Because Brittany is…"

I laughed freely as all my pain and fear disappeared just from thinking about her.

"Brittany is a genius. And she knew way before I did that I loved her. Mum, I wish you could understand! I wish you knew Brittany like I do, because then you would be begging me to keep her. Begging me to never let her go, because she's amazing, mum, she's so amazing and she makes so, so happy." I sniffed and another small laugh escaped me, sounding like a sob.

As my eyes shifted from my mum to my dad, my heart swelled at the sight of him. My dad, my strong, tall, manly dad was wiping away his tears and beaming at me like I had just told him I had saved the world. He looked so proud and so happy that another sob wrenched through me, shaking my body.

I noticed her shift then, my mum, and finally her eyes met mine again. We locked in on each other and then she was crying as well. Her brows were furrowed deep and her lips thin, quivering lines.

As my own lower lip started to tremble I bit down on it. "Mum? Please say something. Please!"

Her head began to shake and when she finally spoke her accent was thicker than I had heard it in a long, long time. "I can't. Santana, I can't tell you that I am happy about this. It's not right. This isn't how I raised you. Santana, please…" her voice grew louder, stronger and she leaned forward, grabbing my wrist desperately, her eyes wild. "Don't do this!"

I gasped as pain flooded through me anew.

"Maria…" my dad addressed her softly, his voice rough but steady as his hand came to rest on her shoulder from behind. But she pushed it away as she focused on me, gripping my other wrist as well.

I felt so helpless with my mother staring at me with desperate eyes, my arms bound by her deadly grasp.

"Mija! Mi dulce hija, don't do this to us." She pulled me closer and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear with shaking fingers as her eyes searched mine. Beseeching, begging.

I pressed my lips together as hard as I could to contain the strangling howl that wanted to escape me from deep within. Stifled sobs were shaking my entire body as I stared right back at my mother who was trying with all that she had to convince me to change. To be anyone but me.

"Mamì…" I whimpered, my throat throbbing painfully. "Mamì, please don't. P-please don't be like them." My face contorted and the image of my mother swam in front of my eyes as my tears spilled over without end. "Please don't be like them! I need you to n-not be like the ones I was afraid of. You can't be! You're my mum! I need you to not be them, please!" I was begging but I didn't care.

I was losing my mother. She was slipping away from me right before my eyes and I felt the overpowering, instinctual need to be closer to her. Be protected by her. Make her love me again. _Me. _Not the version of me she wanted me to be.

Her head sank onto our hands and her shoulders shook.

"Maria, don't. Maria, por favor." My dad urged her, his face morose as he watched my mother cry. Cry for me.

Suddenly she let go of me and turned into my dad's arms, hiding her face from me as she sobbed.

He reflexively curled his arms around her while murmuring frantic things in Spanish against the top of her head.

Somewhere through the numbing haze that had befallen me since my mother had cried onto my hands, as I had _felt _her lips move against the skin of my wrists with whispered prayers, I gathered that he was telling her to tell me she loved me. She didn't. She didn't say anything. She just wept for her lost daughter.

I stood up. My body felt foreign, like it wasn't even mine. "Santana. _Santana." _My dad's anxious voice carried to me over my mother's continuing crying. I wasn't crying anymore. I didn't think I was, anyway, but it all felt so far away and unreal that I wasn't sure.

A hand grabbed my forearm as I took a step forward. A tug. A curse.

I looked down at him. He was holding her against his chest with one arm, while the other held me in place. His eyes. His eyes were scared. He was in pain. They were big too. He was desperate.

"Santana! Santana, no. She's upset." He hushed in a pleading whisper. "I love you! Do you hear me? We love you! Both of us. Don't…." he shook his head. "Don't…"

As my dad stumbled for words a sudden wave of pain came crushing through the numbness and I gasped for air as it drowned my lungs. I drew in painful, ragged breaths as I stood there, my dad still holding me in place, with my mother in between us, pressing against his chest.

Her sobs had subsided and now the only thing I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears and the raspy gasps that were still slicing my throat. I was starting to feel dizzy and somewhere in my brain it registered that I was close to hyperventilating. I struggled to calm myself down.

"Santana, mi amor, mi corazòn." My dad soothed. His voice was strong now, but gentle, and his grip loosened enough so he could lightly stroke my forearm. My breathing eased and I could feel the oxygen rushing in again, mingling with the pain that had made my body its home now.

"It's going to be okay." He looked down at my mother and stroked her hair as well. Her lips were moving again and her eyes were pressed closed as she clung to his shirt. "It's all going to be okay."

I stood there, unmoving with my dad's soothing words and caress tranquilizing me, for another eternity until time started up again and my mum stirred. She stood up stiffly, forcing my dad to let go of me to let her get up, and then turned to me.

She didn't look at me directly, but just before she passed, she drew my head against her chest. I could feel her tremble against my cheek as I let it happen, petrified.

She cupped my neck and then her lips were pressing against my temple. The kiss was everywhere. It reached a place in me that had shut down and I wondered briefly if I was dreaming all of this, because how could I feel so much and so little at the same time?

Before I could fight my stupor and react she had already let go of me and in another blink she was gone.

A strange sound fled through my trembling lips and my dad stood up just in time and gathered me into his arms, as my legs began to shake. It was all too much. All too much and now crippling hope was climbing up my feet, clawing its way inside to steal my breath and imprison my heart.

"Shh, shh, you're okay. Oh, my love, everything's gonna be just fine." He rocked me gently until I was calm again. Calm and heavy. I was so tired, so exhausted, I just wanted to sleep.

When I yawned against his shirt, my dad chuckled – a deep rumble in his chest, that stirred a familiar, protected feeling in mine – and lightly pushed me away by my upper arms. Only far enough though, so he could look into my drooping eyes.

"She'll come around. It might take a while longer than we thought, but she'll come around." He assured me in his deep voice. I just nodded. Because I was tired, because I couldn't talk any more, and because I wanted to believe him so badly.

He hummed and pressed a firm kiss against my forehead. "Come on, cariño." He gently guided me through the living room, the kitchen and then up the stairs into my bedroom.

When I crawled into bed, completely worn out and every limb hurting like I had run a marathon, he smiled at me from the doorway like he used to when he would tug me in as a child, his face cast in shadows as my room remained dark.

"I love you with all my heart, Santana."

"I love you too, daddy." I mumbled, before sleep mercifully overpowered me.

* * *

Shadows were playing over the ceiling.

I had woken up around five a.m., my heart thundering and my cheeks still wet from the tears I had cried in my sleep as horrible nightmares had ridden my unconscious. The blinding darkness had been a welcome protection from my dreadful fantasies, sobering me into awareness as my dream-images had slowly slipped away.

But soon my eyes had adjusted and the outlines and shadows in my room had been a poor distraction from my wandering mind, that was insistent on replaying the previous day's events over and over before my inner eye in a cruel and endless loop.

I had started tracing the shadows on my ceiling like I had done as a kid, but they were moving too fast. Outside my window a furious wind had picked up and was whooshing powerfully back and forth, whipping and bending the trees in our yard to its will, casting ghostlike and restless shapes against the walls and ceiling.

I flinched as a branch slammed against my window with a loud crack and my eyes jerked over to it reflexively.

The curtains were open and I could see as snowflakes were being hauled into the air only to pummel down in a dizzying spiral before being swept up again and blown to one side and then the other.

Watching them warily, I felt a strange kind of compassionate connection with the little white flecks of winter. The strong powers of the wind were ruthless and cold and controlling, and the helpless snowflakes had no way to escape as they were being thrown about in the dark night.

I shivered and pulled my duvet over my head with my numb arms until only my face remained uncovered. Rolling onto my side and drawing my knees up towards my chin I watched the humorless play of the wind, trying to rid my mind of anything that would let this continuing ache persist.

Of course it was no use. Nothing could be powerful enough to chase away this throbbing emptiness inside me that my mother had left when she had looked at me that way, had pleaded for me to change who I was.

That kiss though. She had pulled me close to her and kissed my temple and that made everything that much more confusing and scary. Because now I didn't know how to not hope for her to come around.

And what if she didn't? I wanted my dad and Brittany to be right so much. Needed them to, but what if they weren't? Then the hope I was harboring deep inside me now because of my mum's parting embrace would destroy me, I knew it would.

I breathed a heavy sigh. Nothing could distract me from that pain.

Something buzzed close by, loud enough to startle me, and a brightness illuminated the space next to me. Quickly, I realized it was my phone that was vibrating on the night desk where I had left it when I had changed into my dress what felt like a life-time ago.

Grabbing for it, I sat up against the headboard and answered. I didn't need to look who it was even though I couldn't hear the ring tone as my phone was on mute.

"Hey." I whispered into my cell. My voice was raspy and quiet from all the crying and sleep, but I didn't care.

"_Hey."_ As soon as I heard Brittany's hushed words, a soothing warmth spread through my body and I drew in a shaky breath as I let my head fall back against the wood and closed my eyes. _"Did I wake you?"_

My lips felt stiff as they formed a small smile. It felt like I hadn't smiled in years and the concept was strange to my facial muscles now.

"No. I was awake." _And even if I weren't- I'd always want you to wake me. _I wanted to say those words to her, but I needed to hear her voice again more. Suddenly it felt like I had been starving for ever and she was my only chance of survival, her voice my only source of nourishment. No, I couldn't talk now and waste another minute before hearing her voice again. There'd be enough time to tell her all the things I wanted her to know. Later.

She spoke again and my soul and body purred, basking in the sweetness of Brittany's soft voice.

"_I couldn't sleep. I woke up like half an hour ago and then I couldn't sleep anymore. At first Lord Tubbington cuddled with me, but he got annoyed when I started telling him about the time when you and Quinn and Rachel and I got locked into the mall. I think he just wanted to sleep and I was kinda distracting him. He just left and now I'm calling you, because…well, because I wanted to." _

I had been wrong. There _was _something that could make me forget about everything else. Brittany. The pain, the uncertainty, the fear, they were gone and all that remained was happiness and comfort and joy. _"San? You still there?"_

I cleared my throat and nodded even though she couldn't see it. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm still here, Britt."

"_You sure I didn't wake you? Cause I always get very quiet and distracted when someone just woke me, too."_ I heard something shift at the other end of the line and then her breathing sounded closer.

"Nah, I couldn't sleep either. Been awake for a while now." I said quietly into the phone. It was still early and I didn't want to wake my parents, or my other relatives.

"_Oh."_ There was a pause when neither of us seemed to know what to say, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. I shimmied down the headboard until I lay only slightly propped up on my pillow.

"I miss you." I whispered into the quiet and hoped that it had been loud enough for Brittany to hear because I didn't want to have to repeat it. Suddenly I felt a little vulnerable and I wished so much that she was lying next to me and I could cuddle into her chest for comfort.

My heart sped up and several beats passed before she whispered back, _"I miss you, too."_ A lonely, but happy smile spread across my face and I swallowed down the upcoming tears. I had cried enough tonight.

"_I wanna make you feel better, but I don't know how."_ Brittany's tiny voice carried through to me.

"Huh? Wh-"

"_You're sad. And I wanna make you feel better, but I don't know how, because you're, like, not here but I am, so…" _the regretful tone made my breath falter. I clutched the phone harder to my ear. _Anything _to have her closer to me.

My heart swelled. _How the fuck did I score the most amazing, most caring girlfriend in the whole wide world?!_

"Aw, babe. I wish you were here, too." I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes again, imagining her next to me. If only I could wrap my arms around her, drape my leg over her hips, nuzzle into her neck. With her I always felt so safe and content. I just wanted her here so badly.

"_I like that." _

"Like what?" I asked.

"_When you call me sweet names."_ She said and I saw her shy smile before my inner eye. The image and her words made my heart race and I swore to only ever call her by sweet names from now on, just to keep this feeling forever. Just to make her feel loved.

"I like it, too." I gave back quietly.

I wondered if I would call her 'babe' in front of our friends, but didn't want to spend too much time thinking about things like being couple-y in front of others or admitting to loving Brittany in a crowd. I wasn't ashamed or anything like that, I just still shied away from it because you never know who might react badly. I didn't want to be insulted and belittled, but even more I didn't want Brittany to have to suffer through it.

So that's why I tried not to think about situations of that kind. They always made me queasy and I couldn't know or change what happened until I came into one like that anyway. Before now, whenever Britt and I had been with friends since we had gotten together, like at Puck's or at Tina's birthday party, we had been staying close together for most of the time and had even held hands and shared a little kiss every now and then, but I didn't remember calling her any endearing names. I tried to recall if I had consciously avoided them, but didn't think so.

"_Is your mum okay?"_ Brittany's voice brought me back to the present. She almost sounded shy and immediately a pang of anger and sadness rushed through me, as sudden as a gunshot, and I fisted the top of my duvet into a bunch with my right hand.

I didn't understand how my mum could do this to me. To _us_. If I told Brittany how my mum had tried to convince me to change my mind she would be so upset and sad and probably think it was because of something she did. But it wasn't.

On the contrary, Brittany was doing everything right. She was being sweet and loving and caring and she had even been so polite and honest with my mum even though she hadn't exactly returned the favor. And now Brittany was still asking whether my mum was okay, because that was just the kind of person she was. My mum had not once asked how Brittany felt in all this. She had only winced and flinched when I had told her how much I loved Brittany. Unlike my girlfriend, my mum just didn't seem to care.

Brittany deserved better from her. _I _deserved better.

My anger had made my entire body tense and I found myself sitting upright in my bed, my warm duvet having slipped down to my waist.

"She's fine." I growled, unable to keep the resentment out of my words. "She's…" but there weren't any words for what she was. Or at least I couldn't find the appropriate ones to describe what she was to me right now. Maybe that was partly, because I wasn't sure anymore how exactly I felt about her.

"_You talked, didn't you."_ Brittany said softly. It wasn't a question and I didn't answer, waiting for the boiling storm inside of me to calm down. "Is she mad at me?"

"What?! Of course not! Why would she be mad at you?" I asked perplexed, getting the feeling I was completely missing the point. Brittany hesitated. "Britt?"

"_I…well, she doesn't want me to be your girlfriend, that's why you're sad, right?"_ she asked and I could practically hear her gnawing her lower lip or maybe the nail of her thumb.

"No! Well, yeah, but that has nothing to do with you." I said tensely. _She shouldn't think like that! She shouldn't _have _to think like that. God, mum, if you only knew how much pain you're causing …_

In this moment I was pretty sure I hated my mum, but the overwhelming need to comfort Brittany drowned out any other feeling.

"Britt, sweetie, this is _not _your fault, do you hear me? This is…it's _her. _She doesn't understand. She doesn't get what you and I have together. Maybe she doesn't _want _to understand or she really can't see it, but that's _her _problem and certainly not your fault." I tilted my head. Pictures of Brittany, sitting at home, alone in her bed with a shy and sad expression on her face, came flooding into my mind and made my body ache to run to her, comfort her and make her smile.

"B, you're amazing. You are beautiful, funny, smart and unique and ten million other breathtaking things. You're the best girlfriend anyone could ever ask for and if she can't see that, then screw her!" conviction strengthened my voice. "I love you, Britt, and nothing's gonna change that. Not her, not some punk talking shit at us from across the street,not _anything!_" I vowed, my heart beating proudly and my chin set.

I wouldn't lose her again and I wouldn't let anything hurt her either.

I heard sniffles on the other end of the phone and my stomach tightened. "Britt-Britt? You okay?" I spoke softly into the phone that was by now hot against my ear. I strained to listen for anything that she might mumble and jerked violently, giving a little cry, as the wind whipped another branch harshly against my window with a heart-attack inducing smack.

My outcry apparently alarmed Brittany, because her sniffles stopped aprubtly.

"_What's wrong? San? What happened?" _

Heart racing, I pressed my free hand against my chest and swallowed down the breath that had gotten stuck in my throat. "Jesus!" I muttered, trying to get my breathing back to normal.

"_San, what is it?"_ Brittany sounded concerned and highly alert.

"Nothing, B, just the damn wind keeps smacking branches and shit into my window and it's loud as fuck." I grumbled. To my surprise laughter erupted at the other end and I frowned. "What? What's so funny about me almost having a heart-attack?" I asked, slightly testily, but not really offended.

Obviously trying to stifle her laughter, Brittany spluttered, _"S-sorry. You just sounded like someone had tried to grab you or something but it was just the wind saying 'hi' at your window." _

"Whatever! It sounded scary and I was totally not prepared for it!" I defended myself, crossing my right arm under the other elbow, supporting the hand holding my phone, and leaned back against the headboard. I reached around to adjust my pillow against my back while I heard Brittany giggle quietly into the phone.

I smiled. This was what I had wanted. To make Brittany happy and carefree again. _Man, I miss her! That is so stupid! I'm literally talking to her _right now_! Ugh…_

After a few more moments the last of the light giggling died down and I heard Brittany sigh contently. "You sound tired. How 'bout you get some more sleep and we'll talk later?" I suggested, quiet happiness conjuring up a warm smile on my lips.

"_But I'm not even ti-aaah"_ the rest of the word was swallowed up by a huge yawn and this time I was the one giggling joyously. I wished I could see her face at that moment. When Brittany yawned the cuteness was almost unbearable.

Her nose always wrinkled and her eyes were tiny and her eyebrows rose up as if she were completely surprised at what was happening to her and as if she were thinking 'hey, I didn't agree to do that!'. Or at least that was what I imagined a kitty version of Brittany to say, if kittens could talk.

_What the hell?!_

Quickly, I wiped the dopey smile off my face and looked around, irrationally checking if anyone had seen that, and frowned. I was _not _somebody who imagined their girlfriend to be a cute kitten! Especially not a kitten that could talk!

_Get it the fuck together, Lopez! Ridiculous!_

I shook my head, irritated with myself, and focused back on the phone. "Britt, you're obviously tired. Let's just talk later, kay? I don't want your parents to get all annoyed at you cause you can't help with Christmas decorations without yawning every two seconds. Besides, you promised Emily to go ice-skating with her tomorrow and you definitely need your strength for that." I added, reminding her of the promise Brittany's little sister had weaseled out of her on the last day of school.

Brittany and I had celebrated the beginning of Christmas break and the fact that Britt had gotten a C+ on the big maths test we had been studying for together with a bottle of cheap champagne in her room, when Emily had come bursting in, babbling something about mermaids on ships or something.

Being the smart little blackmailer she is, she immediately figured out we weren't drinking apple juice and more or less threatened to rat us out to Mrs Pierce if Brittany didn't agree to take her ice skating on Sunday, which was tomorrow.

Actually she had wanted the both of us to take her but I had made it quite clear that that wasn't going to happen. Ice skating wasn't my best sport and I was definitely not going to embarrass myself in front of Brittany's little sister. Once Emily had left, Brittany had asked me why I didn't want to go and when I had told her she had pointed out that I hadn't had any problem going roller skating with the entire Glee Club and that I hadn't been that bad at it either.

But what nobody got was that ice skating and roller skating are two completely different things. One is all fun and games and you just twirl around a little with four little wheel placed sensibly under each foot, whereas at ice skating you were balancing on a deadly sharp, knife-like blade on freezing cold, rock hard ice and if you fell down someone else could skate over your hand and slice your fingers off in no time. I'd rather not take that chance, thank you very much.

"_Yeah, I guess. What are you gonna do?"_ Brittany asked me and I drew in a deep breath before checking the time on the alarm clock on my nightstand as I let it back out. It was almost seven. Soon my two little cousins would wake up and run around the house or something. And even if they weren't, going back to sleep seemed impossible to me. My mind was too full with all that had happened and all that was still going to happen and the only thing I really wanted to do was see Brittany but that would have to wait at least another four days if I understood my dad's hint correctly.

This sucked.

"I don't know. Try to go back to sleep too, I guess." I said half-heartedly. I was convinced it wouldn't work, but it didn't hurt to try and it's not like I had anything better to do. Actually I dreaded having to face my mum today. Even seeing my aunt and uncle might be more stressful than usual now. I couldn't imagine we would just have a normal Christmas with my big revelation and my mum's rejecting reaction hanging over all of our heads. I hoped that at least my little cousin's innocent and unknowing presence would lighten the mood for everyone.

"_Okay. Well…"_ I heard the unasked question hovering over us as if she had actually finished it. 'When will I see you again?'. As longing and sadness spread through my body at the prospect of not seeing Brittany for so long because of something so unfair, determination settled on my face.

"Look," I turned my back to the window and grabbed my second pillow, pressing my body against it, one leg and arm drawing it closer as if it were a body. Brittany's body. "I don't know when I'll be able to escape this shit-hole, but I'll try, okay? I wanna see you, Britt and I already promised you I wouldn't let them keep us apart. I meant that. I still have my phone so I'll just text you a lot and call you and then I'll figure something out." I said decidedly.

"_We." _

"What?"

"We'll _figure something out."_ Brittany corrected me gently. My Brittany-smile warmed me from the inside and I bit my lip as I nodded against the Brittany-substitute pillow. Brittany, Brittany, Brittany. Brittany and me. We were a 'we' now and suddenly everything didn't seem so bad anymore.

"Right. We."

"_Okay."_ Another yawn. _"I love you, Sanny."_ She mumbled cutely and I could tell she would soon fall back to sleep.

"I love you, too, Britt-Britt." I murmured contently, the happy smile firm in place on my lips.

After we had hung up I cradled the phone against my chest and closed my eyes. If I concentrated really hard I could still smell Brittany's scent on the pillow next to me from when we had taken a nap together yesterday afternoon before getting ready for the dinner.

Slowly I relaxed into the warm softness and before I knew it I was dreaming.

And how peaceful it was, dancing on the sparkling ice with Brittany, safely snuggled up against her chest, her heart beating a steady baseline to a song too beautiful to be real.

* * *

Something was bothering me. It was a noise that was too loud and too annoying and didn't fit in with the jazzy melody the saxophonist behind Brittany and my table was playing. I frowned and groaned as the sound became even louder and seemingly closer to my ear as well. I whipped my head to the side and swatted at where the giggling was coming from. I recognized it for what it was now, but suddenly everything around me started to blur and my annoyance mixed with fear as Brittany's smiling face started to drift away.

"_Brittany!_" I yelped as I jerked upright. A small figure flinched slightly next to me and a hand withdrew from my face, before the giggling turned into laughter. Children's laughter.

I slumped back into my bed and buried my face in the crook of my elbow.

"Whata ya _doin_' in'ere?" I mumbled grumpily as I felt one of my cousins jump onto the mattress next to my feet. My heart slowly calmed down after the initial shock of the unexpected wake-up call had passed.

"Estamos abburidos! We want to play with you." Marco said in his high voice, folding his arms over my blanket covered knees and resting his head on top of them. I glanced down from under my arm. He was gazing up at me with a big pout on his lips.

"Ugh, hell!" I groaned, letting my arm fall away from my face. "Fine, what do you wanna play?" I asked with an exasperated sigh. The two boys erupted in victory cries and I already began to regret my decision when they mercilessly pulled my warm, cozy blanket away from me and off the bed before jumping onto the mattress and bouncing around, only barely avoiding me most of the time.

As my body was being thrown up into the air by my cousins' joyous hopping, I closed my eyes for another moment to fully cut the cord to my dream world and prepare myself for the reality of today, before jolting upright again with a playful roar and leaping to catch their legs and make them fall over onto the soft mattress. Thankfully my bed was quite wide so I didn't have to fear too much that they might topple over the edge and hurt themselves. They squealed in delight and dashed away from me, hurdling over my body with seeming ease as if they could fly.

When Marco fell into a giggling fit which made him snort, after I lightly pinched his butt when he jumped by, Richie and I doubled over with laughter and for the next half hour or so the two little boys and me had the best time just being kids.

* * *

And that's chapter two. 

Liked it? hated it? have something to say about it?

Please leave a review, i appreciate them all and they make me happy :D

Love you guuuuyys :*

Spanish:

_Mi amor, hable con ella – _**My love, talk to her**

_Mija! Mi dulce hija – _**Honey! ****My sweet daughter**

_Maria, por favor – _**Maria, please**

_Santana, mi amor, mi corazon – _**Santana, my love, my heart**

_Cariño – __**sweety/honey**_

_Estamos abburidos – _**we're bored**


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guuuys! So, I know it's been ages since I updated, but it's totally not my fault, y'all! My computer died! and I had to get it fixed and that took a while, but now I'm back with chapter 3 and the next one is almost finished so the weekly thing will go on from now!

I also wanted to take a second to talk about the horrible news that's cast a big shadow over the Gleek family. I'm sure you all know that Cory Monteith died a few days ago and I'm sending my love and support out to all the ones he left behind who loved him. His family, Lea, his friends and his fans. He will truly be missed.

On that note, Finn will be as dorkey and sweet as ever in my story like I had planned all along and within our hearts and stories Cory and his character will live on.

I hope you are all okay, my lovelies! Read and enjoy...

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"Gracias, Santanita, did you put sugar in already?"

I nodded and sat down next to my aunt, slipping back under the warm blanket she held up for me and handing her the hot coffee I had just gotten from the kitchen. We were sitting in the conservatory, wrapped up on the blue sofa, and staring out into the garden as we talked.

The both of us had managed to push the heavy couch so it was facing the main glass front instead of the TV to the right, and were now silently sipping our steaming drinks as we followed the snow flakes' way down to earth with our eyes.

My dad and uncle Julio had taken the boys for a walk in the snow and had taken the sledges they had brought with them as well, in case they found a nice little hill on their way. Meanwhile, my mum had hardly left her bedroom all day, saying she had a horrible migraine and needed to rest. She'd only been out twice, to go to the bathroom and to get some water for her aspirin pills.

Nobody had commented on her no-show act and I was quite relieved not to have the topic of my coming out picked up again in that light.

"So, your dad tells me you're in Glee club now." Carmen enquired conversationally and I shifted on the couch to face her. She was eyeing me over her steaming cup and I smiled. She looked just like she always did on the days around Christmas, with her comfortable training pants, thick, woolen socks, her black and orange scarf and a warm, flattering pullover with slightly too long sleeves partly covering her hands. I loved her snuggly Christmas and holiday style and immediately my mind got flooded with endless happy memories of me in her lap as she read me stories in Spanish.

During my childhood, before my mum had gone back to work, we had spent a big part of our time at relatives' houses. Whether it was my abuela's home, uncle Roberto's, or aunt Carmen's, I had always loved having my family around and getting told stories of my Puerto Rican ancestors in their mother tongue which was essentially mine as well, growing up like that. I had especially enjoyed playing with my older cousin Fernando - uncle Roberto's son - and his sister Juanita who was only one year younger than me, but whenever we had gone to tìa Carmen's house, who didn't have her boys until I was older, I had been her sole focus and she would read to me for hours.

I still remembered the way she had always looked at me with her smiling eyes and shared old stories about my dad in a low tone and with this secretive expression that they both had, which always made me feel so special and seen.

As she smiled at me now, I was more than ever grateful for her unabashed ways. She knew what she believed in and no book or person would ever tell her how to live, as she always said. When I was younger I used to think that meant that she preferred cooking without a recipe book because she thought her dishes were better anyway, but now I came to realize that she might have just meant books in general, but the bible in particular.

Almost everyone in my family was more or less religious, but aunt tìa's interpretation of what god was all about had always spoken to me the most and had had me listening intently at her view on things on that matter, even as a child. She used to tell me that god wasn't as much a person as an idea. An idea of how to be kind and how to be a good person and that all I'd have to do to become a woman my parents would be proud of, would be to live as honorably as possible. 'Be kind but strong, be considerate and honest, be proud and confident but not self-righteous.' Those were the values she had taught me.

I had often lain awake at night thinking about that code of integrity and trying to imagine the looks on my parents' face when I turned out to be an honorable woman just like aunt Carmen had said.

Saddened, I thought that I had failed to become the woman I had wanted to be back then, the woman I still thought should be who I am, but I also realized that ever since Brittany and I got together those morals seemed much easier to follow than they had during my confusing time these last few years.

All was not lost and suddenly I saw a way to help my mum come around. Maybe, if I stuck to my aunt's code, I could be honorable and true enough to make her see what she couldn't yet. That it was love, she was so appalled by. Love, she feared would destroy me or our family. Love, she tried to shield us from and push away. But if I could only make her understand that, then maybe she'd feel how happy this love made me, _Brittany's _love made me, and then she wouldn't be afraid of it anymore.

Now more than ever was I grateful that my aunt didn't change her ways for anything or anyone, as she just raised her eyebrows at me questioningly, and nudged me with a low chuckle, teasing if I was lost dreaming about Brittany.

I laughed. "Maybe a bit." I allowed with a grin.

She shook her head reproachfully but smiled still, and repeated the question I had failed to answer. "I asked if what Hector told me was true. Are you in Glee club now?"

"Oh. Yeah, yeah I am. It's not as lame as it sounds though." I grinned, sipping on my coffee. It was still quite hot and I grimaced as the liquid left my tongue burning. Blowing on it instead, I scooted back against the armrest and tugged my feet up onto the sofa, facing Carmen.

"I don't think it's lame at all." She said gently and put her own almost empty cup down to the floor next to the couch, before mirroring me and pushing the blanket in underneath our feet so the warmth wouldn't escape. She sighed relieved as she tugged the warm cover closer around her body and made herself comfortable, leaning her right arm against the back of the couch and resting her head against the propped up hand, ready to listen.

I shrugged. "Well, we started out as sort of spies for Sue, our cheerleading Coach, but now we do it cause it's actually really good. I mean, most of the time people fight or have one sort of drama or another and Mr. Schuester definitely needs to de-dust his teaching methods and song choices, but all in all Brittany's right. Glee club is kinda like family." I explained, feeling an odd sense of belonging when I thought of all our club members. It _was _kind of like family and I started to appreciate more and more that family was so very important. No matter if blood or not.

"So 'we', that's Brittany and you?" my aunt inquired interestedly, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Yeah. Me and Brittany and Quinn." I told her, before giving my hot coffee another try. This time it was cool enough for me to drink without getting burned again and I hummed as the liquid made its way down my throat. _So good!_

"Ah, yes, of course." She nodded. "Si, I remember her. You used to bring her around a lot when you were younger. The two of you were … ay, what is it…" she frowned and clicked her tongue impatiently, looking about the room as she tried to find the right words in English. Even though she had lived here most of her life she mostly talked Spanish at home and therefore sometimes struggled with English phrases and some words. "Thick as thieves?"

I nodded and she smiled slightly proud. "Yes, the two of you were thick as thieves and I remember that you always played with Allison Puckerman's boy. Are you still friends with him?" I nodded over the rim of the cup as I drank. "Wait, isn't he the boy that got your friend pregnant?" she didn't sound disgusted, merely a little concerned as that particular piece of information came back to her.

"Mhm, yeah." I affirmed. "He's in Glee club too."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise but didn't comment any further. Instead she asked, "How are they handling that? They gave the baby up for adoption, didn't they?" she frowned, small worry lines appearing on her caramel skinned forehead.

I loved how much she cared about Puck and Quinn. About my friends. She knew them, yes, but she hadn't seen either of them - except for maybe for a few seconds in passing - since around middle school, and still she cared what happened to them and what their lives were like.

"Yeah. Beth. Her new mum is someone we know, so Quinn and Puck go to see her sometimes. They're handling it really well now I think, but there was a time when Quinn went a little loca." I told her with a light laugh. It wasn't really funny, but it was one of those things you remembered with a chuckle, glad it was over. Tìa Carmen nodded and hummed understandingly.

"Ay, it must have been so hard for the poor darlings." She sighed compassionately and leaned back against the armrest, a pensive expression on her face. My grin slowly faded from my face.

"Yeah. Quinn had a really hard time with it for a while, but she's okay now. And like I said, Shelby lets her visit, so it's not too bad." I turned the cup in my hands. Most of the warmth had fled the porcelain already and as I drank the last of the coffee it was almost cold. I rubbed my tongue against my upper row of teeth to get rid of the yucky taste that lingered from the last sip of the otherwise delicious liquid. Brittany was right to prefer hot chocolate or something of that sort. At least with those choices the last bit didn't taste like ass.

I smiled as I remembered how eagerly Brittany always scooped out the bits of creamy chocolate that were left at the bottom of a cup after you've drunk all of the rest. She'd been doing that for as long as I had known her and I hummed in my throat as the mental image of an eleven year old Brittany with a chocolate beard entered my mind.

Tìa Carmen chuckled under her breath and wiggled her toes against mine underneath the brown and black woolen blanket we shared to get back my attention. "So, Brittany, huh?" I tried not to blush, I really did. Was I really that obvious? "I remember when I first heard about her. You had just met her and we were having a barbecue at Roberto's house and you were going on and on about this blonde girl who was so weird." The chuckle turned into a melodious laugh and my aunt tipped her head back a bit as she recalled the memory. "I remember how you glared at Juanita when she said she thought Brittany sounded like a lunatic."

"She's not! She's _not _a lunatic!" I hissed, instantly defensive. A fine buzz of annoyance and protectiveness seared through my body and my eyebrows furrowed deep. I pressed my right arm tightly around my body as the longing I always felt when I wasn't around Brittany flickered more potently than just a minute ago. My aunt eyed me with interest, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"I see it hasn't changed how protective of her you are." She remarked quietly, the laughter gone from her voice. I remained silent, not sure what I was supposed to say. _Damn right_, I was protective of her. And for good reason. People always looked down on Brittany, called her names and told her she was stupid or crazy and she was too sweet and too innocent and too outnumbered to do anything about it. So of course I had to protect her. Nobody had the right to make her feel bad about herself, and I would fucking well see to it that nobody would ever hurt her again. My jaw clenched and I missed her touch, her voice more and more every second to the point where I felt slightly nauseous. Was this normal?

"Hey," a hand gently squeezed my knee. Aunt Carmen had dipped her head down to meet my eyes. When I raised them to hers, concern shone in them, making me swallow down my misplaced anger. "I didn't mean to insult Brittany. I've only met her once or twice but I remember her quite fondly." My shoulders relaxed a little and my jaw loosened. She leaned back, but kept regarding me contemplatively. "She was very quiet when you brought her over, but I could tell she enjoyed seeing new things and learning about your family. She was very sweet on you even back then, you know."

The last of my tension ebbed away and a small smirk crept onto my lips. "Sweet on me?" I mocked the outdated term. Aunt Carmen just raised her eyebrows and nodded confidently, not buying in to my teasing. I hummed again and thought back to the first time I ever took Brittany to meet aunt Carmen.

* * *

"_What's wrong?" I asked as I felt Brittany suddenly stop behind me, affectively tugging me back as her hand was still in mine._

_We were only a few steps away from the dirty white fence gate that would lead us into my aunt's front yard. From behind the house the sounds of my relatives were drifting towards us. _

_Voices, light and careless in the summer heat, wove artful melodies into the air. The adults' laughter and my cousins' high-pitched squeals of joy stirred a familiar, comfortable feeling inside my stomach and when I heard water splashing from the paddling pool I was sure they had put out, the sounds made a notion of belonging wash over me._

_While my Spanish roots were oftentimes the cause of hurtful ridicule and tiring self-doubt in school, here, at my aunt Carmen's place, where I felt as much at home as in my parents' house, hearing the melodious language, as the words carried over to us, made me feel safe and protected and right. _

_Brittany's eyes were wide under her too long fringe and she looked hesitant as she stared towards the house._

_Quinn and I had just met her a couple of weeks ago and even though she was a little weird, there was something about her I couldn't quite explain. It was just this …feeling I got whenever she was around. She was interesting and different and I wanted to get to know her better._

_She hadn't attended the same elementary school as Quinn, Puck and I, but we had found out that we would all go to the same middle school, which started in exactly five days. Although, Puck now always seemed to hang with that weird tall guy who kept smiling that lopsided smile at Quinn whenever we saw him, so maybe Puck wouldn't have time for us anymore after all. Like I cared…_

_I mean, I still had Quinn. And now Brittany, who was currently gnawing her lower lip._

_I grinned, somehow her shyness making me feel even more self-confident, and rolled my eyes at her. _

"_It's okay, they won't bite." I teased, tugging on her hand again and walking two steps backwards, dragging her nearer to the gate. _

_I wondered why she was acting so shy all of a sudden. I mean, she was usually really open and social and stuff, even though she sometimes went quiet when people talked about things she didn't know much about or when someone looked at her weirdly after she said something strange, which she did quite a lot._

_I thought she might be afraid people would think she was stupid. She'd already asked Quinn and me if we thought she was stupid once, when we had had to explain to her that clouds aren't made of cotton candy._

_I had seen that Quinn had had a difficult time stifling her laughter, but I had kicked her under the table while Brittany wasn't looking and she had frowned at me, but stopped laughing. I had been a little annoyed with her then, but Brittany at least hadn't seemed to have noticed, and after scowling at me some more and rubbing her shin, Quinn had explained what she thought clouds were made of, stuttering a little when Brittany had asked her why the rain didn't fall all the time if it was up there all along. _

_So, I hadn't _really_ been mad at Quinn for almost laughing at Brittany's question. Besides, Quinn would have never told Brittany she thought she was stupid. I mean, and why would she… Clearly Brittany wasn't stupid at all. She was just different from others. Good different though._

_She reluctantly let me pull her after me now, following me along the chest-high fence, but her gaze remained nervous._

_When I pushed open the gate, I released her hand and marched ahead of her. "Wait!" she exclaimed and quickly rushed to my side again, curling her arms around my right one and biting her inner cheek._

_As we turned away from the front door to walk around the house into the back garden, I almost asked her why she was so nervous, but before I could say anything she leaned closer and whispered, "Why are they talking like that?"_

_Her voice was full of wonder and question and I stopped in my tracks, staring at her._

_Did she really not know? Had she never heard someone speak Spanish before? _

_I gazed at her in astonishment until she frowned in concern. "What?" she asked apprehensively. "Did I say something stupid?"_

_A slight tinge of red colored her cheeks as she looked down, and I thought I had heard her voice catch._

_Suddenly a sadness I couldn't explain invaded my body and I immediately got angry, trying to push the unwanted emotion away._

"_What? No!" I snapped harsher than necessary. I didn't mean to get upset with her but I just… somehow it made me furious that she would ask me that. She looked up at me, surprised, and I struggled to keep my voice calm, my features unstrained. "They're talking in Spanish. It's kinda my second mother tongue. I'm Puerto Rican." I said, and for the first time since I could remember, I didn't feel like I had to defend myself. _

_In an instant, I realized why. Brittany would never treat me, or anyone, differently because of where they came from. The thought wouldn't even enter her mind. Even though I had only known her for barely a month, I was absolutely sure about this. Still, I hadn't expected to not even _feel _like having to defend myself. It was an entirely new feeling and it had caught me off guard._

_While I pondered over the unexpected absence of feeling judged, Brittany's eyebrows rose and her lips formed a small 'oh'._

_A second passed before she spoke again, her face now showing her in thought instead of nervous or ashamed. "I can't speak Spanish though. How am I going to know what they say to me?" she asked me, a frown line appearing on her forehead._

_A small grin escaped me. "They speak English too, don't worry." I explained, silently envying Brittany's cute freckles as the sun dove out from behind a cloud and bathed her face in such a bright, warm light that she had to squint her eyes to shield them from it, her nose wrinkling adorably._

"_Come on, I wanna show you Snickers!" I gave another little tug at her arm before turning around and striding towards the tall wooden door that separated the back yard from the front of the house, this time sure she would follow me._

_I had never brought anyone other than Quinn or Puck over to one of my family's houses, mainly because all the other kids in our elementary school had been mean and stupid, but as I was leading Brittany, a girl I had only just met a few weeks ago, towards where my mum and dad were chatting with aunt Carmen and my abuela over the BBQ, a sense of rightness settled in beside the excitement._

_And as my mother turned around and greeted Brittany with bright eyes and a welcoming smile on her face, I couldn't have been happier._

* * *

I ignored the distant throb of regretful nostalgia, and instead smiled at how much had changed since then. Now Brittany was hardly the shy, quiet girl around my family anymore she used to be when I had met her. Somewhere in the back of my mind I secretly liked to entertain the thought that she had only been so nervous all those years ago, because it was _my _family she had met that day. After all, she was never as shy around anyone else. Thinking that I had been that important to her even back then made a giddy warmth spread through me and I smiled happily.

That entire day was one of my favorite childhood memories.

"She loved that Piñata." I murmured. Letting the memory of a blindfolded Brittany, doubling over with shrieking laughter and giggles under a half beaten, colorful Piñata, fill my mind. The mental picture caused me to grin and bite my lower lip. My body hummed deep within and I felt my heart ache to see her outside of my memories again, even though it had not even been a whole day since I had kissed her goodbye in my car in front of her house.

"She loved the girl who _had_ the Piñata." Carmen corrected me gently, her smile easily reaching her sparkling eyes. I sighed.

Suddenly my aunt's expression morphed into one of seriousness and I could _feel _her next words before she had spoken them.

"Santana, I don't know exactly what happened between you and Maria," she started softly, but I instantly tensed again. I didn't want to talk about this. I just wanted to forget about it for a few hours, but she covered my knees with her hand again and went on unperturbed. "But whatever it was, it's not the end, it's just a moment in time. Changes can be hard to adjust to and whether it is fair or not, learning that your daughter is gay unfortunately still counts as a big surprise in this world." As her words slowly soothed my tiring defensiveness, I let my guard down again and just took in what she said, desperately needing for _something_ to erase the aching in my heart that now pounded more dominantly once more.

"Your mother loves you Santana and despite what it feels like now and what things might have been said, that is one thing you can always be sure of." I met her eyes and searched for something. The truth. Maybe if I only saw how much she believed in what she said, I'd finally be able to fully let go of all the pain and uncertainty. Her light brown eyes shone with honesty and though they didn't dispel my fears they eased them a great deal. Grateful, I nodded slowly.

"Okay?" she smiled at me and nudged my knees encouragingly. I nodded again.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, tìa." I murmured, half a smile tugging at one corner of my mouth. She let out a big breath and shifted both of our legs to the floor to pull me against her side. I leaned my head against her shoulder and let my body relax into the warm embrace of her right arm around me. Her hand rubbed up and down my arm in slow, calming strides. "Ay, sobrinita, what a hard life it is." She hummed good-naturedly and then chuckled deep in her throat.

Sitting like this with her, talking about things so close to my heart and remembering how much I used to love seeing my aunt, made me regret that we had lost touch in the last few years. Ever since my mum had gone back to work and high school and my own fears had pretty much taken over my life, I had hardly ever seen any of my family and I only just realized how much I missed them.

As we watched the snowflakes fall once again in peaceful silence, I drew strength from her fierce belief and strong confidence. I promised myself I wouldn't let us drift apart as much anymore. Having my aunt Carmen speak so openly and honestly to me about a problem that I didn't fully understand and didn't think I had the strength to face alone for much longer, made me see that maybe I _didn't _have to fight it alone. And maybe I didn't have to fight at all.

We couldn't _make _people do or believe anything. We could only persistently try to help them understand. 'Be kind but strong, be considerate and honest, be proud and confident but not self-righteous.' Her code of morals echoed in my heart and I felt a calm fierceness anchor me and make me feel more grounded and in control than I had in a while.

I wouldn't let this wear me down. I'd draw strength from every stone they'd throw at me and I'd shield Brittany from any sticks that would come her way. I loved her and she loved me, and as I reminded myself of that, a happiness too bright to imagine as anything but pure light flowed through my veins and made me feel as complete as I could without Brittany in my arms.

* * *

"So you went from class room to class room?" Carmen asked interestedly as she handed me another wet plate to dry off. My dad, Carmen and I were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner while uncle Julio brought the boys to bed again. The dishwasher was already humming as it cleaned most of our plates and pots. Since it hadn't had enough space to fit all of the dirty dishes though, we were now washing the rest by hand. Well, aunt Carmen was washing them while I was on towel duty and dad cleaned the counters and put away sauces and things into the cupboards and the fridge. My mum hadn't come down for dinner. She said she still wasn't feeling well.

If I was being totally honest, I was more relieved than saddened that she hadn't joined us. After all, she hadn't spoken one word to me all day and I couldn't imagine that dinner would have been any different. What a lovely table conversation it would have been with my mum avoiding any eye contact with me whatsoever and everyone else trying to fill the awkward silence. No, thanks, I much preferred it this way. I only wondered how long her absence would last for.

"Santana?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we basically just went from one room to the other and sang Christmas carols." I shrugged, stocking the dried off plate onto the pile I had already done. My dad took them and leaned over to kiss me on the temple.

He had been very affectionate all day and I had relished in his comfort, drawing strength from the conversations with my aunt, my dad's embraces and the boys' carefree playfulness. Even uncle Julio had taken me aside before dad and he had set out with the boys and had a little awkwardly apologized for his reaction the other night and ensured me that he was very happy for me and Brittany.

"That is such a nice custom, don't you think, Hector?" Carmen was saying as she circled the sponge over a cutting board. My dad hummed affirmatively and stretched to put the water carafe back in its place on the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard. "I bet you preferred that to having your lessons, si?" my aunt winked at me conspiratorially and grinned.

I smiled back. "I guess, yeah. At least nobody threw a shoe at us this year."

It was almost comical as her face turned from joking to horrified and I had to stifle a snort of laughter when her eyes widened dramatically. "A shoe? Somebody threw a shoe at you?" she asked, the clean cutting board hovering in her frozen hands. I reached for it and took it out of her grasp.

"Yeah. Last year one of the teachers threw a shoe at us." I frowned, the memory of the embarrassment catching up with me. "Fucking, lazy-"

"_Santana!" _my dad fixed me with a hard stare and I rolled my eyes as I continued toweling off the board.

"Sorry." I mumbled grudgingly, adding a few more Spanish insults under my breath, nonetheless, earning me another scolding look from my dad as I passed him the dried off chopping board.

Tìa Carmen had resumed finishing off the last of the work, which was only one glass and some cutlery, and shook her head, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. I wasn't exactly sure if she was disapproving of my choice of words or the teacher's behavior, but I was guessing both.

As I was about to reach for the glass Carmen was holding out to me, my phone started vibrating in my jeans pocket and played Chic's 'Everybody dance'. Brittany's ring tone.

**[ watch?v=FOx81aG-EN4 ]**

"Oh! I gotta get this!" I hastily wiped my hands on the towel and pulled the phone from my pants pocket. I hadn't worn a dress today. There was no need to be formal when everything was so informal all around and neither my dad nor our guests had felt like putting on nice clothes just for dinner. We'd probably do that on Christmas Eve anyway.

"Hello?" I said into the phone as I walked out of the kitchen with an apologetic grimace, ducking my head. My dad just sighed and my aunt snorted and said something about me being such a typical teenager in love to my dad. I didn't care. "Britt?"

"_Heyyyy!"_ Brittany's cheerful voice greeted me and immediately my chest felt lighter. I sprinted up the stairs and vanished in my bedroom, closing the door behind me, while Brittany asked how my day had been.

"Good, good. I stayed inside all day and talked with my aunt and played with the boys." I recounted the lazy day's events to her, slightly out of breath. I sat down in front of my bed and leaned my head against the mattress, smiling. "How was yours? How was ice skating with Emily?"

"_It was so awesome, Sanny! She's really pretty good already and we were dancing in circles and we only fell over like five times!_" she sounded so excited, I didn't know what to do with the happiness that spread through me. My smile doubled.

"Aw! That sounds great, B! I wish I could have seen it." I said and the regret only tainted the joy a tiny bit.

"_Next time, yeah?"_ she asked, still enthusiastic but calmer now. I nodded.

"Definitely."

"_So…"_

I waited but she didn't go on, so I prodded, "So?"

I thought I knew what was coming and I was right.

"_So, did you and your mum talk again?"_ she asked, a slight change in her tone telling me that she was trying to hide her concern for me, so as not to make me feel even worse about my mum's reaction.

It still hurt, but talking with Carmen had helped me a great deal. I wasn't as afraid that this was the end for my mum and me anymore. Somewhere deep inside I must have finally come to believe that she could still change her mind.

"No. She's kinda…she didn't really feel up to it today." I said. "But I'm sure it'll be fine. She'll calm down and then we'll talk again and maybe she won't be so closed-minded then." I added. I wanted Brittany to feel better about the situation so she wouldn't blame herself, but I was also glad to notice that I had actually meant most of what I had said. Only the being sure part was a little exaggerated.

Brittany hummed at the other end of the phone. _"Okay. I guess if you're okay…"_

"I am." The conviction in my voice must have carried through to her, because her next words were once more light and happy. The conversation went back to this afternoon's experiences with her sister.

"_So, at the ice arena they had this little booth set up for like fries and drinks and stuff and next to it there was another booth were you could give them your ticket and they let you throw a ball at some cans that were dressed as snowmen and Emily and I tried it and she won a Teddy bear!" _she squealed and I chuckled at her delight. _"Oh. But I tried to win one for you too, but I just kept missing."_ She said, a regretful tone saddening her words. I imagined Brittany jutting out her lower lip in her disappointment and a sweet twinge in my lower belly spread warmth and desire through my body until my heart pounded.

I drew in a breath, caught off guard by my unexpected need – not entirely sure whether it was purely sexual or something else as well, something deeper within me - and said in a rough voice, "That's okay, Britt-Britt. I don't really need a Teddy anyway." She was quiet and my heart continued beating fast and loud in my ears. "Thanks for trying though. That was really sweet of you." The last bit came out a little breathless and I quickly shut up, determined to get my body under control when I couldn't even do anything about it anyway. Or more precisely, when _Brittany _wasn't even here to do anything about it.

"_Thanks."_ She said quietly, but at least she didn't sound as disappointed anymore. As the silence stretched on, I closed my eyes and wrapped my right arm tightly around my body, tugging my hand underneath the other arm, to stop the fingers that had been dancing over the hot skin of my cleavage.

I was trying really hard to keep the images at bay, but they just kept invading my brain. Brittany sashaying towards me, Brittany taking her top of, Brittany smirking seductively as she crowded me, pinning me against the wall, Brittany kissing my neck, my jaw, my mouth, her hands claiming what was hers. I stifled a moan and my eyes opened wide.

"_San?" _

I must have given some sort of strangled grunt and quickly cleared my throat to hide my agitation. "Yeah?"

"_Are you okay? I thought you sounded like-"_

"I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm just…tired." I finished lamely, forcing my breathing to slow down to normal.

"_Oh, okay. Um, we can talk some other t-"_

"No!" I interrupted her again, before getting a grip on myself and sighing. It was no use lying to her. Because I hated lying to her and I knew she always felt it when I did, even if she didn't probe any further. "No, I'm sorry. It's just…" heat crawled up my neck and I let out a long breath. "I miss you. I mean, I miss _you _of course, but I also miss… you know, _being _with you." I admitted, haltingly and more than a little embarrassed.

"_Oh!"_ she sounded slightly surprised. After a second's pause which seemed like a torturous eternity to me, she added, "_Then why have you been –"_

"I don't know."

"_Huh."_ Was all she gave back.

Brittany and I hadn't had sex since we had gotten together. Not once. I mean, we had done other stuff. _Sexy _stuff, but we hadn't actually done _it_ yet. I wasn't sure what was holding me back. After all, it wasn't like we hadn't had sex before and I _definitely _wanted it, wanted _her,_ but for some reason I had stopped us the two times we had gotten close to doing it in the past two weeks. It was really strange. One moment I couldn't wait to tear her clothes off, to have my hands on her and take from her what I needed, and in the next moment I was backing away, catching her wandering hands in mine and coming up with some lame excuse like 'I thought I saw a spider; totally killed the mood' or 'I think my parents will be home any second'. Brittany hadn't said anything so far, although her flushed cheeks and stifled moans had been indication enough that she was getting frustrated. But now she _had _asked and I didn't have an answer for her.

"Are you...I mean, are you mad?" I asked hesitantly, hoping she wouldn't say yes.

"_What? No! I just…I don't really understand. You're always stopping us." _

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't know why I keep doing that, I _want _to sl-" suddenly becoming conscious of the topic and the rise in volume, I lowered my voice to barely above a whisper. "I _want _to sleep with you. So much! I just…I don't know, I just can't!" I said, groaning helplessly and my brows furrowing in frustration. My free hand came up and my thumb and index finger rubbed my eyes harshly. _Seriously! I deserve all the awards! I must be the only teenager _ever _to cockblock _herself_! Goddammit, what is wrong with me?_

"_Well, is it because it's not as exciting anymore now that people know we're together? Cause I heard that that can make some people not want to have sex anymore."_ She asked, trying to be helpful, and then added as an afterthought, _"and also something about chasing the other one, but I don't get it, you and I never ran around and played tag or whatever before we had sex and it was still good."_ She wondered aloud.

Irrationally, the word 'good' as description for our previous sex-life was annoying me more than it should have, seeing as Brittany surely hadn't meant it the way it sounded, but I impatiently shoved the feeling away and tried to concentrate on the more important issue at hand.

"No, it's not like that. I'm not getting bored or anything. _At all!_" I added, with a little snort. _That _was really not the problem. I didn't know what was. "It's just whenever we're about to…_you know_…I just get…"

"_Nervous?"_ Brittany offered softly. I swallowed.

"Yeah." I drew the word out. It didn't seem quite enough and I searched within me for the other reason I felt lurking just behind my conscious mind. After a second's hesitation, I went on, hoping the words would just come and I'd find what I was looking for if I didn't desperately seek it out. "But that's not all of it. I feel like…I feel like I'm about to," suddenly the unreadable feeling inside my chest rapidly began to take shape and then I knew. The words were so hard to get out, however, but I had a feeling I had to say them out loud so I could figure out why the hell I was feeling like this. "Take advantage of you."

"_Take advantage of me?"_ she sounded confused and I took in a breath. My stomach clenched uneasily.

Now that I had figured it out, had finally been able to name the fear, I also knew where it came from. Unfortunately, that didn't make it any less hard to talk about though.

"Yeah. Like…like _I _want it and you don't, but I'd still do it, cause I want it so much." I confessed, my words almost blurred together as they shot out so quickly. Once again my heart was hammering, but this time it was because of how uncomfortable I felt admitting to these feelings that had been bothering me, making me question myself and how I treated Brittany.

"_But I _do _want it. Want you. Why would you think I didn't?"_ she asked perplexed.

"I…" a variety of pictures ran in front of my inner eyes. Not just pictures, memories. Me on top of Brittany. Me shushing her when she was about to say something sweet. Me telling her off for talking when we were making out. Me running my hands over her without even asking her what she wanted. Me claiming her when I had no right to, forcing myself into her, making her come. Me turning away from her when she reached out to me. The last one played over and over in my mind until tears were streaming down my face.

"_San…"_ Brittany's quiet voice held so much tenderness, so much compassion, that I couldn't hold back any longer. A wet sob escaped me and I immediately clapped my hand over my mouth to hold the others in. _"Santana, don't. You never made me do anything I didn't want to do."_ She said gently, and once again I felt like she could read my thoughts. I sobbed again and sniffled.

"But I n-never…I never asked you what _you _wanted. What _you _needed. It was always just about me!" My voice trembled and the heaviness in my heart spurred my tears. "God, I couldn't even fucking _hold _you after! I'm such a fucking asshole and I'm so s-sorry!" I hick-upped, up-set with myself, and wished I could do it over. I wouldn't be such a heartless bitch to her. I wouldn't turn away from her after ruthlessly taking what I needed. I would treat her right. Love her right. The way she deserved it.

A cold shiver ran down my spine and I pressed the heel of my right hand into my eye. I had treated her like she meant nothing to me. Like she was only good enough to sleep with. With horror I was reminded that I had even told her exactly that to her face.

A wave of nausea made me feel sick to my stomach and I groaned.

"_San, it's okay. You were scared."_ Her voice trembled as well and was higher than usual, and I fell deeper into this hole of regretting everything I had ever done to hurt her. And to my own disgust, I now saw there was so much.

"That's no excuse for treating you like you were nothing but a good fuck to me!" I hissed angrily. I heard her suck in a breath. Or maybe she was sobbing now too. _Great. Well done, idiot!_

"God, Brittany," I moaned, my head sinking onto my knees, making my voice sound strained and gargled as the tears kept coming. "I'm so so sorry. I should have never…I shouldn't have…" but I couldn't finish the sentence. I couldn't come up with a way of making it all okay again.

"_It's okay."_ Brittany snuffled quietly, her voice small, making her sound so vulnerable and young. _"I always knew that you loved me anyway. You didn't have to tell me. I knew."_

Her words rang in my ears and slowly, doubtingly, I let them in. I sighed deeply as my heart took a careful beat. The pain strangling it had eased.

Of course she had known. Because Brittany had always known me better than I ever could.

"I'm sorry." I whispered again, because I couldn't think of anything else to say. For a few moments neither of us said a word and as I listened to her breathing, it calmed mine.

"I love you, Brittany. I love you more than I understand and I should have told you that a long time ago." I said earnestly. Biting my lower lip, I closed my eyes again.

"_I love you too, Santana."_ Brittany said in almost a whisper_. "And I always felt your heart beating only for me when we made love. I never doubted it and I never regretted anything."_ She sounded so honest and so sure that finally I could let myself breathe again.

"I don't want it to be like that again though. I'm scared if we sleep together I'll push you away after or hurt you in some other way." I said desperately, wiping at the last tears. My stomach still rolled with trepidation and regret, but I didn't hurt as bad anymore and I didn't feel like puking either. Brittany's trust in me, her assurance that I didn't have to tell her for her to know how I felt, was slowly healing me from the inside and I drew in a shaky breath.

"_You won't."_ she said simply. And for some reason, I believed her.

* * *

Brittany and I had talked for almost two hours and as I hung up I immediately missed the connection. During our conversation I had moved onto the bed and I had heard aunt Carmen go to bed.

Julio and my dad were probably still sitting downstairs in the living room, talking and maybe drinking some scotch, but I didn't hear their voices up in my room. All I heard was the light swooshing of the wind and my heart beating for Brittany.

She had taken all my fears away, stroked every lonely, scared part of me, until all that was left was contentment, happiness and the ever present longing to be with her. I let out a deep breath and lazily turned my head on the warm pillow. The clock on my night desk read _9:16 pm _and I hummed tiredly.

Tomorrow would be Christmas Eve and I wasn't sure what was expecting me. Would my mum come out of her room? Would she look at me? Talk to me? And if yes, what would she say? Would she ask me to join her in prayer before the Christmas tree like we did every year? And could I do that, now that I knew that next to me, she'd probably be praying for me to be 'normal'. For me to not be with Brittany.

I sighed and stared at the ceiling again. I had switched on my night light as the big lamp in the middle of the ceiling had seemed too bright for the late hour and Brittany's and my hushed conversation about what we meant to each other, and the dim yellow streams of light were casting only too familiar shadows all around my room.

Out of habit I followed the outlines of them with my tired eyes which grew droopier by the minute. A yawn forced my mouth wide open and made my eyes water. _God, I'm so tired. _

I heavily rolled to my side and put the phone onto the night stand, my arm feeling like it weighed a ton, and then I switched off the light. The darkness was a relief and instantly lulled me even more into a sleepy haze.

When I rolled back, I dazedly contemplated whether it would be okay to sleep in my regular clothes and if I could afford not brushing my teeth just this once. I also tried to remember if I was lying on top of my cover or if it had slid to the floor, but really I was too tired to make sense of my own questions until a light knock on my door made me jerk and draw in a waking breath.

My eyelids fluttered open and I mumbled out, "Hm? Yeah?" While stiffly scrambling up into a sitting position. Everything tingled for a second and then the door opened, letting a stream of light in to create a rectangular illuminated patch on my floor.

"May I come in?"

All the breath left my body as my mother's quiet words rang like a scream in my ears. For a second I was too stunned to move, but then I hastened to sit completely upright and cleared my throat.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Come in." I got out awkwardly and watched with apprehensive eyes as the small form of my mother slowly entered my room and made its way to my bedside.

She sat down next to my legs without a word, her back to me. I could only see part of her face, but what I saw of her profile looked tortured and puffy like she had cried for hours. I didn't dare move and so we just sat there on my bed until she finally spoke again.

"You are my child. My daughter, and nothing-" she broke off, her voice wavering and a thickness, conjured up by pain and tears, straining her words. "Nothing will ever change how much I love you, Santana, but I can't allow you to go down this path. Not if I want to be a good mother to you. Your happiness is all I care about and right now you are confused. You don't know what you want and it is my job to show you the right way." She said in a forcedly calm voice.

I wanted to protest, to make her understand that she was wrong, that Brittany _was _my happiness and that finally I wasn't confused at all, not about what I felt for her, but I couldn't speak. The shock of having her talk to me, of having my mum tell me that she still loved me, when I had half expected never to hear those words from her again, were holding me in place with an iron hand grasped around my heart and throat.

Her hand stroked over the mattress until she was covering my knee and her touch scared and comforted me at the same time. My heart pounding wildly in my chest, I watched as her eyes slowly moved to lock with mine. There was so much emotion in those dark pools, that I felt lost. She loved me, but she loved me wrong. Should I take this wrong love over having none at all? Was it even my choice?

"I know you think you love her, Santana," her voice was rough as were the edges around her mouth and eyes and her grip tightened around my knee. "But you are not even eighteen years old." Her head shook almost imperceptibly and her voice changed. She now didn't sound beseeching and strong, she sounded teary and small and as she went on, she averted her gaze, looking at her hand on my knee, her skin dark against mine. "You have your whole life ahead of you, mija." I had to strain to hear her. "I can't let you make this mistake, I'm sorry."

I still couldn't speak, but my head was shaking from side to side as I couldn't take my eyes off her. _Mum, please don't do this. Please see me, please accept it. I love her. Please, don't make me choose._

She took a shaky breath and I physically saw her recompose herself, her shoulders drawing back and the muscles in her jaw tightening. She let go of my leg and stood up, looking down at me. "You are not to see Brittany again. She is no good for you." Her eyes shone and her eyebrows furrowed with the effort of holding tears at bay. Thin, tense lips trembling, she reached forward and brushed away a tear I hadn't known I had shed. Her thumb lingered on my cheek. "Mi hija, this is what's best." She whispered and then straightened.

She looked at me a moment longer, before she turned around and walked to the door. It wasn't until it had closed behind her, leaving me in darkness once more, that I could move again.

"Mum" it was a shaky whisper and a second later, air forced itself into my system in the form of a gasping breath.

God, it hurt so much. That place that aunt Carmen, the boys, my dad and ultimately Brittany had seemingly healed today ripped open to bleed harder and more relentless than before.

I felt shaky and torn and so unbelievably unreal. How could this be happening to me? This wasn't how my story was supposed to go. This wasn't what my life was supposed to be like.

I curled up in a ball on the mattress and let the tears silently drop onto my pillow, my confusing thoughts chasing each other wildly in my head while all the same they were mere shadows and fogs. Unrecognizable, unidentifiable and unimaginably scary.

"What am I supposed to do?" I whispered under my breath, feeling helpless and overwhelmed. This was way too hard. Now my mother was back again, talking to me, telling me she loved me. But she didn't accept me as she asked only one thing of me. The one thing I couldn't give her. That I would stop seeing Brittany. Stop loving her.

I had promised Brittany I wouldn't let anybody tear us apart and I had no intention of breaking that promise.

But I was desperate to find a way not to have to choose between my family and the love of my life.

Because I knew one thing for certain, Brittany was it. The love of my life. And Brittany would win. I might not be able to go with her, not yet, but she'd always be the one who held my heart and if I was forced to leave her now, or to eventually leave this family to be with her when I came of age, a part of my heart would be torn from me. A part I could never and would never get back.

A cold panic washed over me as I felt myself frozen in the face of an ultimatum.

How could I choose? My heart belonged to Brittany, but my family were just as much a part of it as was their blood in my veins.

And of course there was my dad. My family wasn't just my mother, my family were all of them. Carmen, Julio, the boys, my other relatives, but most importantly, my dad. I would not only have to leave my disapproving mum, I'd have to leave him, too.

But suddenly hope awakened in me. My dad.

He wouldn't let her do this. He'd stop her. He'd make her see that this wasn't the way, that this wasn't protection, this was pain.

I turned and buried my face in the pillow, drawing strength from the warm, soft and close confinement numbing my senses.

I bunched the sheets underneath me in my tight fists, bit the pillow and let out a muffled scream, my pain and tiredness leaving me breathless. Then I rolled onto my back again, utterly exhausted, and filled my lungs with long, heavy rushes of air.

I wouldn't let my mum tear us apart. Not Brittany and me, and not _her _and me either. I'd fight to hold them together. My family and Brittany, hold them close to my heart. Because I needed them and they needed me, too.

* * *

Okay, so I hope you've all borne with me until now.

Santana and Brittany definitely have a long journey ahead, but despite the difficulties and adversaries, they also have allies and friends. 

What do you guys think? What do you thnk about her mum's opinion? Who is your favorite Lopez relative?

What do you think will happen next? Or should happen next?

I'm curious to read your thoughts, so leave me a review ;)  


Laterz, my lovelies!

**Spanish:**

Gracias, Santanita - Thanks, Santana (sweet form of the name)

Ay, sobrinita - oh, little niece

mi hija - my daughter


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guuuys! So, I know it's been ages since I updated, but it's totally not my fault, y'all! My computer died! and I had to get it fixed and that took a while, but now I'm back with chapter 3 and the next one is almost finished so the weekly thing will go on from now!

I also wanted to take a second to talk about the horrible news that's cast a big shadow over the Gleek family. I'm sure you all know that Cory Monteith died a few days ago and I'm sending my love and support out to all the ones he left behind who loved him. His family, Lea, his friends and his fans. He will truly be missed.

On that note, Finn will be as dorkey and sweet as ever in my story like I had planned all along and within our hearts and stories Cory and his character will live on.

I hope you are all okay, my lovelies! Read and enjoy...

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"Gracias, Santanita, did you put sugar in already?"

I nodded and sat down next to my aunt, slipping back under the warm blanket she held up for me and handing her the hot coffee I had just gotten from the kitchen. We were sitting in the conservatory, wrapped up on the blue sofa, and staring out into the garden as we talked.

The both of us had managed to push the heavy couch so it was facing the main glass front instead of the TV to the right, and were now silently sipping our steaming drinks as we followed the snow flakes' way down to earth with our eyes.

My dad and uncle Julio had taken the boys for a walk in the snow and had taken the sledges they had brought with them as well, in case they found a nice little hill on their way. Meanwhile, my mum had hardly left her bedroom all day, saying she had a horrible migraine and needed to rest. She'd only been out twice, to go to the bathroom and to get some water for her aspirin pills.

Nobody had commented on her no-show act and I was quite relieved not to have the topic of my coming out picked up again in that light.

"So, your dad tells me you're in Glee club now." Carmen enquired conversationally and I shifted on the couch to face her. She was eyeing me over her steaming cup and I smiled. She looked just like she always did on the days around Christmas, with her comfortable training pants, thick, woolen socks, her black and orange scarf and a warm, flattering pullover with slightly too long sleeves partly covering her hands. I loved her snuggly Christmas and holiday style and immediately my mind got flooded with endless happy memories of me in her lap as she read me stories in Spanish.

During my childhood, before my mum had gone back to work, we had spent a big part of our time at relatives' houses. Whether it was my abuela's home, uncle Roberto's, or aunt Carmen's, I had always loved having my family around and getting told stories of my Puerto Rican ancestors in their mother tongue which was essentially mine as well, growing up like that. I had especially enjoyed playing with my older cousin Fernando - uncle Roberto's son - and his sister Juanita who was only one year younger than me, but whenever we had gone to tìa Carmen's house, who didn't have her boys until I was older, I had been her sole focus and she would read to me for hours.

I still remembered the way she had always looked at me with her smiling eyes and shared old stories about my dad in a low tone and with this secretive expression that they both had, which always made me feel so special and seen.

As she smiled at me now, I was more than ever grateful for her unabashed ways. She knew what she believed in and no book or person would ever tell her how to live, as she always said. When I was younger I used to think that meant that she preferred cooking without a recipe book because she thought her dishes were better anyway, but now I came to realize that she might have just meant books in general, but the bible in particular.

Almost everyone in my family was more or less religious, but aunt tìa's interpretation of what god was all about had always spoken to me the most and had had me listening intently at her view on things on that matter, even as a child. She used to tell me that god wasn't as much a person as an idea. An idea of how to be kind and how to be a good person and that all I'd have to do to become a woman my parents would be proud of, would be to live as honorably as possible. 'Be kind but strong, be considerate and honest, be proud and confident but not self-righteous.' Those were the values she had taught me.

I had often lain awake at night thinking about that code of integrity and trying to imagine the looks on my parents' face when I turned out to be an honorable woman just like aunt Carmen had said.

Saddened, I thought that I had failed to become the woman I had wanted to be back then, the woman I still thought should be who I am, but I also realized that ever since Brittany and I got together those morals seemed much easier to follow than they had during my confusing time these last few years.

All was not lost and suddenly I saw a way to help my mum come around. Maybe, if I stuck to my aunt's code, I could be honorable and true enough to make her see what she couldn't yet. That it was love, she was so appalled by. Love, she feared would destroy me or our family. Love, she tried to shield us from and push away. But if I could only make her understand that, then maybe she'd feel how happy this love made me, _Brittany's _love made me, and then she wouldn't be afraid of it anymore.

Now more than ever was I grateful that my aunt didn't change her ways for anything or anyone, as she just raised her eyebrows at me questioningly, and nudged me with a low chuckle, teasing if I was lost dreaming about Brittany.

I laughed. "Maybe a bit." I allowed with a grin.

She shook her head reproachfully but smiled still, and repeated the question I had failed to answer. "I asked if what Hector told me was true. Are you in Glee club now?"

"Oh. Yeah, yeah I am. It's not as lame as it sounds though." I grinned, sipping on my coffee. It was still quite hot and I grimaced as the liquid left my tongue burning. Blowing on it instead, I scooted back against the armrest and tugged my feet up onto the sofa, facing Carmen.

"I don't think it's lame at all." She said gently and put her own almost empty cup down to the floor next to the couch, before mirroring me and pushing the blanket in underneath our feet so the warmth wouldn't escape. She sighed relieved as she tugged the warm cover closer around her body and made herself comfortable, leaning her right arm against the back of the couch and resting her head against the propped up hand, ready to listen.

I shrugged. "Well, we started out as sort of spies for Sue, our cheerleading Coach, but now we do it cause it's actually really good. I mean, most of the time people fight or have one sort of drama or another and Mr. Schuester definitely needs to de-dust his teaching methods and song choices, but all in all Brittany's right. Glee club is kinda like family." I explained, feeling an odd sense of belonging when I thought of all our club members. It _was _kind of like family and I started to appreciate more and more that family was so very important. No matter if blood or not.

"So 'we', that's Brittany and you?" my aunt inquired interestedly, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Yeah. Me and Brittany and Quinn." I told her, before giving my hot coffee another try. This time it was cool enough for me to drink without getting burned again and I hummed as the liquid made its way down my throat. _So good!_

"Ah, yes, of course." She nodded. "Si, I remember her. You used to bring her around a lot when you were younger. The two of you were … ay, what is it…" she frowned and clicked her tongue impatiently, looking about the room as she tried to find the right words in English. Even though she had lived here most of her life she mostly talked Spanish at home and therefore sometimes struggled with English phrases and some words. "Thick as thieves?"

I nodded and she smiled slightly proud. "Yes, the two of you were thick as thieves and I remember that you always played with Allison Puckerman's boy. Are you still friends with him?" I nodded over the rim of the cup as I drank. "Wait, isn't he the boy that got your friend pregnant?" she didn't sound disgusted, merely a little concerned as that particular piece of information came back to her.

"Mhm, yeah." I affirmed. "He's in Glee club too."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise but didn't comment any further. Instead she asked, "How are they handling that? They gave the baby up for adoption, didn't they?" she frowned, small worry lines appearing on her caramel skinned forehead.

I loved how much she cared about Puck and Quinn. About my friends. She knew them, yes, but she hadn't seen either of them - except for maybe for a few seconds in passing - since around middle school, and still she cared what happened to them and what their lives were like.

"Yeah. Beth. Her new mum is someone we know, so Quinn and Puck go to see her sometimes. They're handling it really well now I think, but there was a time when Quinn went a little loca." I told her with a light laugh. It wasn't really funny, but it was one of those things you remembered with a chuckle, glad it was over. Tìa Carmen nodded and hummed understandingly.

"Ay, it must have been so hard for the poor darlings." She sighed compassionately and leaned back against the armrest, a pensive expression on her face. My grin slowly faded from my face.

"Yeah. Quinn had a really hard time with it for a while, but she's okay now. And like I said, Shelby lets her visit, so it's not too bad." I turned the cup in my hands. Most of the warmth had fled the porcelain already and as I drank the last of the coffee it was almost cold. I rubbed my tongue against my upper row of teeth to get rid of the yucky taste that lingered from the last sip of the otherwise delicious liquid. Brittany was right to prefer hot chocolate or something of that sort. At least with those choices the last bit didn't taste like ass.

I smiled as I remembered how eagerly Brittany always scooped out the bits of creamy chocolate that were left at the bottom of a cup after you've drunk all of the rest. She'd been doing that for as long as I had known her and I hummed in my throat as the mental image of an eleven year old Brittany with a chocolate beard entered my mind.

Tìa Carmen chuckled under her breath and wiggled her toes against mine underneath the brown and black woolen blanket we shared to get back my attention. "So, Brittany, huh?" I tried not to blush, I really did. Was I really that obvious? "I remember when I first heard about her. You had just met her and we were having a barbecue at Roberto's house and you were going on and on about this blonde girl who was so weird." The chuckle turned into a melodious laugh and my aunt tipped her head back a bit as she recalled the memory. "I remember how you glared at Juanita when she said she thought Brittany sounded like a lunatic."

"She's not! She's _not _a lunatic!" I hissed, instantly defensive. A fine buzz of annoyance and protectiveness seared through my body and my eyebrows furrowed deep. I pressed my right arm tightly around my body as the longing I always felt when I wasn't around Brittany flickered more potently than just a minute ago. My aunt eyed me with interest, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"I see it hasn't changed how protective of her you are." She remarked quietly, the laughter gone from her voice. I remained silent, not sure what I was supposed to say. _Damn right_, I was protective of her. And for good reason. People always looked down on Brittany, called her names and told her she was stupid or crazy and she was too sweet and too innocent and too outnumbered to do anything about it. So of course I had to protect her. Nobody had the right to make her feel bad about herself, and I would fucking well see to it that nobody would ever hurt her again. My jaw clenched and I missed her touch, her voice more and more every second to the point where I felt slightly nauseous. Was this normal?

"Hey," a hand gently squeezed my knee. Aunt Carmen had dipped her head down to meet my eyes. When I raised them to hers, concern shone in them, making me swallow down my misplaced anger. "I didn't mean to insult Brittany. I've only met her once or twice but I remember her quite fondly." My shoulders relaxed a little and my jaw loosened. She leaned back, but kept regarding me contemplatively. "She was very quiet when you brought her over, but I could tell she enjoyed seeing new things and learning about your family. She was very sweet on you even back then, you know."

The last of my tension ebbed away and a small smirk crept onto my lips. "Sweet on me?" I mocked the outdated term. Aunt Carmen just raised her eyebrows and nodded confidently, not buying in to my teasing. I hummed again and thought back to the first time I ever took Brittany to meet aunt Carmen.

* * *

"_What's wrong?" I asked as I felt Brittany suddenly stop behind me, affectively tugging me back as her hand was still in mine._

_We were only a few steps away from the dirty white fence gate that would lead us into my aunt's front yard. From behind the house the sounds of my relatives were drifting towards us. _

_Voices, light and careless in the summer heat, wove artful melodies into the air. The adults' laughter and my cousins' high-pitched squeals of joy stirred a familiar, comfortable feeling inside my stomach and when I heard water splashing from the paddling pool I was sure they had put out, the sounds made a notion of belonging wash over me._

_While my Spanish roots were oftentimes the cause of hurtful ridicule and tiring self-doubt in school, here, at my aunt Carmen's place, where I felt as much at home as in my parents' house, hearing the melodious language, as the words carried over to us, made me feel safe and protected and right. _

_Brittany's eyes were wide under her too long fringe and she looked hesitant as she stared towards the house._

_Quinn and I had just met her a couple of weeks ago and even though she was a little weird, there was something about her I couldn't quite explain. It was just this …feeling I got whenever she was around. She was interesting and different and I wanted to get to know her better._

_She hadn't attended the same elementary school as Quinn, Puck and I, but we had found out that we would all go to the same middle school, which started in exactly five days. Although, Puck now always seemed to hang with that weird tall guy who kept smiling that lopsided smile at Quinn whenever we saw him, so maybe Puck wouldn't have time for us anymore after all. Like I cared…_

_I mean, I still had Quinn. And now Brittany, who was currently gnawing her lower lip._

_I grinned, somehow her shyness making me feel even more self-confident, and rolled my eyes at her. _

"_It's okay, they won't bite." I teased, tugging on her hand again and walking two steps backwards, dragging her nearer to the gate. _

_I wondered why she was acting so shy all of a sudden. I mean, she was usually really open and social and stuff, even though she sometimes went quiet when people talked about things she didn't know much about or when someone looked at her weirdly after she said something strange, which she did quite a lot._

_I thought she might be afraid people would think she was stupid. She'd already asked Quinn and me if we thought she was stupid once, when we had had to explain to her that clouds aren't made of cotton candy._

_I had seen that Quinn had had a difficult time stifling her laughter, but I had kicked her under the table while Brittany wasn't looking and she had frowned at me, but stopped laughing. I had been a little annoyed with her then, but Brittany at least hadn't seemed to have noticed, and after scowling at me some more and rubbing her shin, Quinn had explained what she thought clouds were made of, stuttering a little when Brittany had asked her why the rain didn't fall all the time if it was up there all along. _

_So, I hadn't _really_ been mad at Quinn for almost laughing at Brittany's question. Besides, Quinn would have never told Brittany she thought she was stupid. I mean, and why would she… Clearly Brittany wasn't stupid at all. She was just different from others. Good different though._

_She reluctantly let me pull her after me now, following me along the chest-high fence, but her gaze remained nervous._

_When I pushed open the gate, I released her hand and marched ahead of her. "Wait!" she exclaimed and quickly rushed to my side again, curling her arms around my right one and biting her inner cheek._

_As we turned away from the front door to walk around the house into the back garden, I almost asked her why she was so nervous, but before I could say anything she leaned closer and whispered, "Why are they talking like that?"_

_Her voice was full of wonder and question and I stopped in my tracks, staring at her._

_Did she really not know? Had she never heard someone speak Spanish before? _

_I gazed at her in astonishment until she frowned in concern. "What?" she asked apprehensively. "Did I say something stupid?"_

_A slight tinge of red colored her cheeks as she looked down, and I thought I had heard her voice catch._

_Suddenly a sadness I couldn't explain invaded my body and I immediately got angry, trying to push the unwanted emotion away._

"_What? No!" I snapped harsher than necessary. I didn't mean to get upset with her but I just… somehow it made me furious that she would ask me that. She looked up at me, surprised, and I struggled to keep my voice calm, my features unstrained. "They're talking in Spanish. It's kinda my second mother tongue. I'm Puerto Rican." I said, and for the first time since I could remember, I didn't feel like I had to defend myself. _

_In an instant, I realized why. Brittany would never treat me, or anyone, differently because of where they came from. The thought wouldn't even enter her mind. Even though I had only known her for barely a month, I was absolutely sure about this. Still, I hadn't expected to not even _feel _like having to defend myself. It was an entirely new feeling and it had caught me off guard._

_While I pondered over the unexpected absence of feeling judged, Brittany's eyebrows rose and her lips formed a small 'oh'._

_A second passed before she spoke again, her face now showing her in thought instead of nervous or ashamed. "I can't speak Spanish though. How am I going to know what they say to me?" she asked me, a frown line appearing on her forehead._

_A small grin escaped me. "They speak English too, don't worry." I explained, silently envying Brittany's cute freckles as the sun dove out from behind a cloud and bathed her face in such a bright, warm light that she had to squint her eyes to shield them from it, her nose wrinkling adorably._

"_Come on, I wanna show you Snickers!" I gave another little tug at her arm before turning around and striding towards the tall wooden door that separated the back yard from the front of the house, this time sure she would follow me._

_I had never brought anyone other than Quinn or Puck over to one of my family's houses, mainly because all the other kids in our elementary school had been mean and stupid, but as I was leading Brittany, a girl I had only just met a few weeks ago, towards where my mum and dad were chatting with aunt Carmen and my abuela over the BBQ, a sense of rightness settled in beside the excitement._

_And as my mother turned around and greeted Brittany with bright eyes and a welcoming smile on her face, I couldn't have been happier._

* * *

I ignored the distant throb of regretful nostalgia, and instead smiled at how much had changed since then. Now Brittany was hardly the shy, quiet girl around my family anymore she used to be when I had met her. Somewhere in the back of my mind I secretly liked to entertain the thought that she had only been so nervous all those years ago, because it was _my _family she had met that day. After all, she was never as shy around anyone else. Thinking that I had been that important to her even back then made a giddy warmth spread through me and I smiled happily.

That entire day was one of my favorite childhood memories.

"She loved that Piñata." I murmured. Letting the memory of a blindfolded Brittany, doubling over with shrieking laughter and giggles under a half beaten, colorful Piñata, fill my mind. The mental picture caused me to grin and bite my lower lip. My body hummed deep within and I felt my heart ache to see her outside of my memories again, even though it had not even been a whole day since I had kissed her goodbye in my car in front of her house.

"She loved the girl who _had_ the Piñata." Carmen corrected me gently, her smile easily reaching her sparkling eyes. I sighed.

Suddenly my aunt's expression morphed into one of seriousness and I could _feel _her next words before she had spoken them.

"Santana, I don't know exactly what happened between you and Maria," she started softly, but I instantly tensed again. I didn't want to talk about this. I just wanted to forget about it for a few hours, but she covered my knees with her hand again and went on unperturbed. "But whatever it was, it's not the end, it's just a moment in time. Changes can be hard to adjust to and whether it is fair or not, learning that your daughter is gay unfortunately still counts as a big surprise in this world." As her words slowly soothed my tiring defensiveness, I let my guard down again and just took in what she said, desperately needing for _something_ to erase the aching in my heart that now pounded more dominantly once more.

"Your mother loves you Santana and despite what it feels like now and what things might have been said, that is one thing you can always be sure of." I met her eyes and searched for something. The truth. Maybe if I only saw how much she believed in what she said, I'd finally be able to fully let go of all the pain and uncertainty. Her light brown eyes shone with honesty and though they didn't dispel my fears they eased them a great deal. Grateful, I nodded slowly.

"Okay?" she smiled at me and nudged my knees encouragingly. I nodded again.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, tìa." I murmured, half a smile tugging at one corner of my mouth. She let out a big breath and shifted both of our legs to the floor to pull me against her side. I leaned my head against her shoulder and let my body relax into the warm embrace of her right arm around me. Her hand rubbed up and down my arm in slow, calming strides. "Ay, sobrinita, what a hard life it is." She hummed good-naturedly and then chuckled deep in her throat.

Sitting like this with her, talking about things so close to my heart and remembering how much I used to love seeing my aunt, made me regret that we had lost touch in the last few years. Ever since my mum had gone back to work and high school and my own fears had pretty much taken over my life, I had hardly ever seen any of my family and I only just realized how much I missed them.

As we watched the snowflakes fall once again in peaceful silence, I drew strength from her fierce belief and strong confidence. I promised myself I wouldn't let us drift apart as much anymore. Having my aunt Carmen speak so openly and honestly to me about a problem that I didn't fully understand and didn't think I had the strength to face alone for much longer, made me see that maybe I _didn't _have to fight it alone. And maybe I didn't have to fight at all.

We couldn't _make _people do or believe anything. We could only persistently try to help them understand. 'Be kind but strong, be considerate and honest, be proud and confident but not self-righteous.' Her code of morals echoed in my heart and I felt a calm fierceness anchor me and make me feel more grounded and in control than I had in a while.

I wouldn't let this wear me down. I'd draw strength from every stone they'd throw at me and I'd shield Brittany from any sticks that would come her way. I loved her and she loved me, and as I reminded myself of that, a happiness too bright to imagine as anything but pure light flowed through my veins and made me feel as complete as I could without Brittany in my arms.

* * *

"So you went from class room to class room?" Carmen asked interestedly as she handed me another wet plate to dry off. My dad, Carmen and I were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner while uncle Julio brought the boys to bed again. The dishwasher was already humming as it cleaned most of our plates and pots. Since it hadn't had enough space to fit all of the dirty dishes though, we were now washing the rest by hand. Well, aunt Carmen was washing them while I was on towel duty and dad cleaned the counters and put away sauces and things into the cupboards and the fridge. My mum hadn't come down for dinner. She said she still wasn't feeling well.

If I was being totally honest, I was more relieved than saddened that she hadn't joined us. After all, she hadn't spoken one word to me all day and I couldn't imagine that dinner would have been any different. What a lovely table conversation it would have been with my mum avoiding any eye contact with me whatsoever and everyone else trying to fill the awkward silence. No, thanks, I much preferred it this way. I only wondered how long her absence would last for.

"Santana?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we basically just went from one room to the other and sang Christmas carols." I shrugged, stocking the dried off plate onto the pile I had already done. My dad took them and leaned over to kiss me on the temple.

He had been very affectionate all day and I had relished in his comfort, drawing strength from the conversations with my aunt, my dad's embraces and the boys' carefree playfulness. Even uncle Julio had taken me aside before dad and he had set out with the boys and had a little awkwardly apologized for his reaction the other night and ensured me that he was very happy for me and Brittany.

"That is such a nice custom, don't you think, Hector?" Carmen was saying as she circled the sponge over a cutting board. My dad hummed affirmatively and stretched to put the water carafe back in its place on the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard. "I bet you preferred that to having your lessons, si?" my aunt winked at me conspiratorially and grinned.

I smiled back. "I guess, yeah. At least nobody threw a shoe at us this year."

It was almost comical as her face turned from joking to horrified and I had to stifle a snort of laughter when her eyes widened dramatically. "A shoe? Somebody threw a shoe at you?" she asked, the clean cutting board hovering in her frozen hands. I reached for it and took it out of her grasp.

"Yeah. Last year one of the teachers threw a shoe at us." I frowned, the memory of the embarrassment catching up with me. "Fucking, lazy-"

"_Santana!" _my dad fixed me with a hard stare and I rolled my eyes as I continued toweling off the board.

"Sorry." I mumbled grudgingly, adding a few more Spanish insults under my breath, nonetheless, earning me another scolding look from my dad as I passed him the dried off chopping board.

Tìa Carmen had resumed finishing off the last of the work, which was only one glass and some cutlery, and shook her head, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. I wasn't exactly sure if she was disapproving of my choice of words or the teacher's behavior, but I was guessing both.

As I was about to reach for the glass Carmen was holding out to me, my phone started vibrating in my jeans pocket and played Chic's 'Everybody dance'. Brittany's ring tone.

**[ watch?v=FOx81aG-EN4 ]**

"Oh! I gotta get this!" I hastily wiped my hands on the towel and pulled the phone from my pants pocket. I hadn't worn a dress today. There was no need to be formal when everything was so informal all around and neither my dad nor our guests had felt like putting on nice clothes just for dinner. We'd probably do that on Christmas Eve anyway.

"Hello?" I said into the phone as I walked out of the kitchen with an apologetic grimace, ducking my head. My dad just sighed and my aunt snorted and said something about me being such a typical teenager in love to my dad. I didn't care. "Britt?"

"_Heyyyy!"_ Brittany's cheerful voice greeted me and immediately my chest felt lighter. I sprinted up the stairs and vanished in my bedroom, closing the door behind me, while Brittany asked how my day had been.

"Good, good. I stayed inside all day and talked with my aunt and played with the boys." I recounted the lazy day's events to her, slightly out of breath. I sat down in front of my bed and leaned my head against the mattress, smiling. "How was yours? How was ice skating with Emily?"

"_It was so awesome, Sanny! She's really pretty good already and we were dancing in circles and we only fell over like five times!_" she sounded so excited, I didn't know what to do with the happiness that spread through me. My smile doubled.

"Aw! That sounds great, B! I wish I could have seen it." I said and the regret only tainted the joy a tiny bit.

"_Next time, yeah?"_ she asked, still enthusiastic but calmer now. I nodded.

"Definitely."

"_So…"_

I waited but she didn't go on, so I prodded, "So?"

I thought I knew what was coming and I was right.

"_So, did you and your mum talk again?"_ she asked, a slight change in her tone telling me that she was trying to hide her concern for me, so as not to make me feel even worse about my mum's reaction.

It still hurt, but talking with Carmen had helped me a great deal. I wasn't as afraid that this was the end for my mum and me anymore. Somewhere deep inside I must have finally come to believe that she could still change her mind.

"No. She's kinda…she didn't really feel up to it today." I said. "But I'm sure it'll be fine. She'll calm down and then we'll talk again and maybe she won't be so closed-minded then." I added. I wanted Brittany to feel better about the situation so she wouldn't blame herself, but I was also glad to notice that I had actually meant most of what I had said. Only the being sure part was a little exaggerated.

Brittany hummed at the other end of the phone. _"Okay. I guess if you're okay…"_

"I am." The conviction in my voice must have carried through to her, because her next words were once more light and happy. The conversation went back to this afternoon's experiences with her sister.

"_So, at the ice arena they had this little booth set up for like fries and drinks and stuff and next to it there was another booth were you could give them your ticket and they let you throw a ball at some cans that were dressed as snowmen and Emily and I tried it and she won a Teddy bear!" _she squealed and I chuckled at her delight. _"Oh. But I tried to win one for you too, but I just kept missing."_ She said, a regretful tone saddening her words. I imagined Brittany jutting out her lower lip in her disappointment and a sweet twinge in my lower belly spread warmth and desire through my body until my heart pounded.

I drew in a breath, caught off guard by my unexpected need – not entirely sure whether it was purely sexual or something else as well, something deeper within me - and said in a rough voice, "That's okay, Britt-Britt. I don't really need a Teddy anyway." She was quiet and my heart continued beating fast and loud in my ears. "Thanks for trying though. That was really sweet of you." The last bit came out a little breathless and I quickly shut up, determined to get my body under control when I couldn't even do anything about it anyway. Or more precisely, when _Brittany _wasn't even here to do anything about it.

"_Thanks."_ She said quietly, but at least she didn't sound as disappointed anymore. As the silence stretched on, I closed my eyes and wrapped my right arm tightly around my body, tugging my hand underneath the other arm, to stop the fingers that had been dancing over the hot skin of my cleavage.

I was trying really hard to keep the images at bay, but they just kept invading my brain. Brittany sashaying towards me, Brittany taking her top of, Brittany smirking seductively as she crowded me, pinning me against the wall, Brittany kissing my neck, my jaw, my mouth, her hands claiming what was hers. I stifled a moan and my eyes opened wide.

"_San?" _

I must have given some sort of strangled grunt and quickly cleared my throat to hide my agitation. "Yeah?"

"_Are you okay? I thought you sounded like-"_

"I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm just…tired." I finished lamely, forcing my breathing to slow down to normal.

"_Oh, okay. Um, we can talk some other t-"_

"No!" I interrupted her again, before getting a grip on myself and sighing. It was no use lying to her. Because I hated lying to her and I knew she always felt it when I did, even if she didn't probe any further. "No, I'm sorry. It's just…" heat crawled up my neck and I let out a long breath. "I miss you. I mean, I miss _you _of course, but I also miss… you know, _being _with you." I admitted, haltingly and more than a little embarrassed.

"_Oh!"_ she sounded slightly surprised. After a second's pause which seemed like a torturous eternity to me, she added, "_Then why have you been –"_

"I don't know."

"_Huh."_ Was all she gave back.

Brittany and I hadn't had sex since we had gotten together. Not once. I mean, we had done other stuff. _Sexy _stuff, but we hadn't actually done _it_ yet. I wasn't sure what was holding me back. After all, it wasn't like we hadn't had sex before and I _definitely _wanted it, wanted _her,_ but for some reason I had stopped us the two times we had gotten close to doing it in the past two weeks. It was really strange. One moment I couldn't wait to tear her clothes off, to have my hands on her and take from her what I needed, and in the next moment I was backing away, catching her wandering hands in mine and coming up with some lame excuse like 'I thought I saw a spider; totally killed the mood' or 'I think my parents will be home any second'. Brittany hadn't said anything so far, although her flushed cheeks and stifled moans had been indication enough that she was getting frustrated. But now she _had _asked and I didn't have an answer for her.

"Are you...I mean, are you mad?" I asked hesitantly, hoping she wouldn't say yes.

"_What? No! I just…I don't really understand. You're always stopping us." _

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't know why I keep doing that, I _want _to sl-" suddenly becoming conscious of the topic and the rise in volume, I lowered my voice to barely above a whisper. "I _want _to sleep with you. So much! I just…I don't know, I just can't!" I said, groaning helplessly and my brows furrowing in frustration. My free hand came up and my thumb and index finger rubbed my eyes harshly. _Seriously! I deserve all the awards! I must be the only teenager _ever _to cockblock _herself_! Goddammit, what is wrong with me?_

"_Well, is it because it's not as exciting anymore now that people know we're together? Cause I heard that that can make some people not want to have sex anymore."_ She asked, trying to be helpful, and then added as an afterthought, _"and also something about chasing the other one, but I don't get it, you and I never ran around and played tag or whatever before we had sex and it was still good."_ She wondered aloud.

Irrationally, the word 'good' as description for our previous sex-life was annoying me more than it should have, seeing as Brittany surely hadn't meant it the way it sounded, but I impatiently shoved the feeling away and tried to concentrate on the more important issue at hand.

"No, it's not like that. I'm not getting bored or anything. _At all!_" I added, with a little snort. _That _was really not the problem. I didn't know what was. "It's just whenever we're about to…_you know_…I just get…"

"_Nervous?"_ Brittany offered softly. I swallowed.

"Yeah." I drew the word out. It didn't seem quite enough and I searched within me for the other reason I felt lurking just behind my conscious mind. After a second's hesitation, I went on, hoping the words would just come and I'd find what I was looking for if I didn't desperately seek it out. "But that's not all of it. I feel like…I feel like I'm about to," suddenly the unreadable feeling inside my chest rapidly began to take shape and then I knew. The words were so hard to get out, however, but I had a feeling I had to say them out loud so I could figure out why the hell I was feeling like this. "Take advantage of you."

"_Take advantage of me?"_ she sounded confused and I took in a breath. My stomach clenched uneasily.

Now that I had figured it out, had finally been able to name the fear, I also knew where it came from. Unfortunately, that didn't make it any less hard to talk about though.

"Yeah. Like…like _I _want it and you don't, but I'd still do it, cause I want it so much." I confessed, my words almost blurred together as they shot out so quickly. Once again my heart was hammering, but this time it was because of how uncomfortable I felt admitting to these feelings that had been bothering me, making me question myself and how I treated Brittany.

"_But I _do _want it. Want you. Why would you think I didn't?"_ she asked perplexed.

"I…" a variety of pictures ran in front of my inner eyes. Not just pictures, memories. Me on top of Brittany. Me shushing her when she was about to say something sweet. Me telling her off for talking when we were making out. Me running my hands over her without even asking her what she wanted. Me claiming her when I had no right to, forcing myself into her, making her come. Me turning away from her when she reached out to me. The last one played over and over in my mind until tears were streaming down my face.

"_San…"_ Brittany's quiet voice held so much tenderness, so much compassion, that I couldn't hold back any longer. A wet sob escaped me and I immediately clapped my hand over my mouth to hold the others in. _"Santana, don't. You never made me do anything I didn't want to do."_ She said gently, and once again I felt like she could read my thoughts. I sobbed again and sniffled.

"But I n-never…I never asked you what _you _wanted. What _you _needed. It was always just about me!" My voice trembled and the heaviness in my heart spurred my tears. "God, I couldn't even fucking _hold _you after! I'm such a fucking asshole and I'm so s-sorry!" I hick-upped, up-set with myself, and wished I could do it over. I wouldn't be such a heartless bitch to her. I wouldn't turn away from her after ruthlessly taking what I needed. I would treat her right. Love her right. The way she deserved it.

A cold shiver ran down my spine and I pressed the heel of my right hand into my eye. I had treated her like she meant nothing to me. Like she was only good enough to sleep with. With horror I was reminded that I had even told her exactly that to her face.

A wave of nausea made me feel sick to my stomach and I groaned.

"_San, it's okay. You were scared."_ Her voice trembled as well and was higher than usual, and I fell deeper into this hole of regretting everything I had ever done to hurt her. And to my own disgust, I now saw there was so much.

"That's no excuse for treating you like you were nothing but a good fuck to me!" I hissed angrily. I heard her suck in a breath. Or maybe she was sobbing now too. _Great. Well done, idiot!_

"God, Brittany," I moaned, my head sinking onto my knees, making my voice sound strained and gargled as the tears kept coming. "I'm so so sorry. I should have never…I shouldn't have…" but I couldn't finish the sentence. I couldn't come up with a way of making it all okay again.

"_It's okay."_ Brittany snuffled quietly, her voice small, making her sound so vulnerable and young. _"I always knew that you loved me anyway. You didn't have to tell me. I knew."_

Her words rang in my ears and slowly, doubtingly, I let them in. I sighed deeply as my heart took a careful beat. The pain strangling it had eased.

Of course she had known. Because Brittany had always known me better than I ever could.

"I'm sorry." I whispered again, because I couldn't think of anything else to say. For a few moments neither of us said a word and as I listened to her breathing, it calmed mine.

"I love you, Brittany. I love you more than I understand and I should have told you that a long time ago." I said earnestly. Biting my lower lip, I closed my eyes again.

"_I love you too, Santana."_ Brittany said in almost a whisper_. "And I always felt your heart beating only for me when we made love. I never doubted it and I never regretted anything."_ She sounded so honest and so sure that finally I could let myself breathe again.

"I don't want it to be like that again though. I'm scared if we sleep together I'll push you away after or hurt you in some other way." I said desperately, wiping at the last tears. My stomach still rolled with trepidation and regret, but I didn't hurt as bad anymore and I didn't feel like puking either. Brittany's trust in me, her assurance that I didn't have to tell her for her to know how I felt, was slowly healing me from the inside and I drew in a shaky breath.

"_You won't."_ she said simply. And for some reason, I believed her.

* * *

Brittany and I had talked for almost two hours and as I hung up I immediately missed the connection. During our conversation I had moved onto the bed and I had heard aunt Carmen go to bed.

Julio and my dad were probably still sitting downstairs in the living room, talking and maybe drinking some scotch, but I didn't hear their voices up in my room. All I heard was the light swooshing of the wind and my heart beating for Brittany.

She had taken all my fears away, stroked every lonely, scared part of me, until all that was left was contentment, happiness and the ever present longing to be with her. I let out a deep breath and lazily turned my head on the warm pillow. The clock on my night desk read _9:16 pm _and I hummed tiredly.

Tomorrow would be Christmas Eve and I wasn't sure what was expecting me. Would my mum come out of her room? Would she look at me? Talk to me? And if yes, what would she say? Would she ask me to join her in prayer before the Christmas tree like we did every year? And could I do that, now that I knew that next to me, she'd probably be praying for me to be 'normal'. For me to not be with Brittany.

I sighed and stared at the ceiling again. I had switched on my night light as the big lamp in the middle of the ceiling had seemed too bright for the late hour and Brittany's and my hushed conversation about what we meant to each other, and the dim yellow streams of light were casting only too familiar shadows all around my room.

Out of habit I followed the outlines of them with my tired eyes which grew droopier by the minute. A yawn forced my mouth wide open and made my eyes water. _God, I'm so tired. _

I heavily rolled to my side and put the phone onto the night stand, my arm feeling like it weighed a ton, and then I switched off the light. The darkness was a relief and instantly lulled me even more into a sleepy haze.

When I rolled back, I dazedly contemplated whether it would be okay to sleep in my regular clothes and if I could afford not brushing my teeth just this once. I also tried to remember if I was lying on top of my cover or if it had slid to the floor, but really I was too tired to make sense of my own questions until a light knock on my door made me jerk and draw in a waking breath.

My eyelids fluttered open and I mumbled out, "Hm? Yeah?" While stiffly scrambling up into a sitting position. Everything tingled for a second and then the door opened, letting a stream of light in to create a rectangular illuminated patch on my floor.

"May I come in?"

All the breath left my body as my mother's quiet words rang like a scream in my ears. For a second I was too stunned to move, but then I hastened to sit completely upright and cleared my throat.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Come in." I got out awkwardly and watched with apprehensive eyes as the small form of my mother slowly entered my room and made its way to my bedside.

She sat down next to my legs without a word, her back to me. I could only see part of her face, but what I saw of her profile looked tortured and puffy like she had cried for hours. I didn't dare move and so we just sat there on my bed until she finally spoke again.

"You are my child. My daughter, and nothing-" she broke off, her voice wavering and a thickness, conjured up by pain and tears, straining her words. "Nothing will ever change how much I love you, Santana, but I can't allow you to go down this path. Not if I want to be a good mother to you. Your happiness is all I care about and right now you are confused. You don't know what you want and it is my job to show you the right way." She said in a forcedly calm voice.

I wanted to protest, to make her understand that she was wrong, that Brittany _was _my happiness and that finally I wasn't confused at all, not about what I felt for her, but I couldn't speak. The shock of having her talk to me, of having my mum tell me that she still loved me, when I had half expected never to hear those words from her again, were holding me in place with an iron hand grasped around my heart and throat.

Her hand stroked over the mattress until she was covering my knee and her touch scared and comforted me at the same time. My heart pounding wildly in my chest, I watched as her eyes slowly moved to lock with mine. There was so much emotion in those dark pools, that I felt lost. She loved me, but she loved me wrong. Should I take this wrong love over having none at all? Was it even my choice?

"I know you think you love her, Santana," her voice was rough as were the edges around her mouth and eyes and her grip tightened around my knee. "But you are not even eighteen years old." Her head shook almost imperceptibly and her voice changed. She now didn't sound beseeching and strong, she sounded teary and small and as she went on, she averted her gaze, looking at her hand on my knee, her skin dark against mine. "You have your whole life ahead of you, mija." I had to strain to hear her. "I can't let you make this mistake, I'm sorry."

I still couldn't speak, but my head was shaking from side to side as I couldn't take my eyes off her. _Mum, please don't do this. Please see me, please accept it. I love her. Please, don't make me choose._

She took a shaky breath and I physically saw her recompose herself, her shoulders drawing back and the muscles in her jaw tightening. She let go of my leg and stood up, looking down at me. "You are not to see Brittany again. She is no good for you." Her eyes shone and her eyebrows furrowed with the effort of holding tears at bay. Thin, tense lips trembling, she reached forward and brushed away a tear I hadn't known I had shed. Her thumb lingered on my cheek. "Mi hija, this is what's best." She whispered and then straightened.

She looked at me a moment longer, before she turned around and walked to the door. It wasn't until it had closed behind her, leaving me in darkness once more, that I could move again.

"Mum" it was a shaky whisper and a second later, air forced itself into my system in the form of a gasping breath.

God, it hurt so much. That place that aunt Carmen, the boys, my dad and ultimately Brittany had seemingly healed today ripped open to bleed harder and more relentless than before.

I felt shaky and torn and so unbelievably unreal. How could this be happening to me? This wasn't how my story was supposed to go. This wasn't what my life was supposed to be like.

I curled up in a ball on the mattress and let the tears silently drop onto my pillow, my confusing thoughts chasing each other wildly in my head while all the same they were mere shadows and fogs. Unrecognizable, unidentifiable and unimaginably scary.

"What am I supposed to do?" I whispered under my breath, feeling helpless and overwhelmed. This was way too hard. Now my mother was back again, talking to me, telling me she loved me. But she didn't accept me as she asked only one thing of me. The one thing I couldn't give her. That I would stop seeing Brittany. Stop loving her.

I had promised Brittany I wouldn't let anybody tear us apart and I had no intention of breaking that promise.

But I was desperate to find a way not to have to choose between my family and the love of my life.

Because I knew one thing for certain, Brittany was it. The love of my life. And Brittany would win. I might not be able to go with her, not yet, but she'd always be the one who held my heart and if I was forced to leave her now, or to eventually leave this family to be with her when I came of age, a part of my heart would be torn from me. A part I could never and would never get back.

A cold panic washed over me as I felt myself frozen in the face of an ultimatum.

How could I choose? My heart belonged to Brittany, but my family were just as much a part of it as was their blood in my veins.

And of course there was my dad. My family wasn't just my mother, my family were all of them. Carmen, Julio, the boys, my other relatives, but most importantly, my dad. I would not only have to leave my disapproving mum, I'd have to leave him, too.

But suddenly hope awakened in me. My dad.

He wouldn't let her do this. He'd stop her. He'd make her see that this wasn't the way, that this wasn't protection, this was pain.

I turned and buried my face in the pillow, drawing strength from the warm, soft and close confinement numbing my senses.

I bunched the sheets underneath me in my tight fists, bit the pillow and let out a muffled scream, my pain and tiredness leaving me breathless. Then I rolled onto my back again, utterly exhausted, and filled my lungs with long, heavy rushes of air.

I wouldn't let my mum tear us apart. Not Brittany and me, and not _her _and me either. I'd fight to hold them together. My family and Brittany, hold them close to my heart. Because I needed them and they needed me, too.

* * *

Okay, so I hope you've all borne with me until now.

Santana and Brittany definitely have a long journey ahead, but despite the difficulties and adversaries, they also have allies and friends. 

What do you guys think? What do you thnk about her mum's opinion? Who is your favorite Lopez relative?

What do you think will happen next? Or should happen next?

I'm curious to read your thoughts, so leave me a review ;)  


Laterz, my lovelies!

**Spanish:**

Gracias, Santanita - Thanks, Santana (sweet form of the name)

Ay, sobrinita - oh, little niece

mi hija - my daughter


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, so it's chapter 5 everybody :D hope you like it!

Before you go on and read, I just wanted to give a HUUUUGE shout out to all my AMAZING REVIEWERS! you guys seriously have no idea how happy you make me! every single review makes me smile and my heart jump!

thanks sooo much, my lovelies!

now, off you go ;)

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"Hey dad?" I peaked around the living room door way, one hand grabbing the frame. "I'mma go to bed, okay?"

My dad looked up from the book he had been reading and smiled at me, his reading glasses reflecting the light from the fireplace. "Sure, honey. Sleep well."

"Thanks, you too." I was about to walk away to my room when he held me back.

"Ah!"

"What?" I turned back around.

"Did you say goodnight to your mother?" he raised an eyebrow, tilting his head downwards to peer at me over the rim of his glasses.

"Uh…"

"Santana!" he said indignantly.

"Ugh, come on, dad!" I exclaimed, throwing my hand into the air and taking a step into the living room. "Like she even w_ants _me to bother her. Can't I just avoid her? Just for a little while?"

I knew I was sounding like a whiney kid, but hell she wasn't acting any better either. Why did _I _have to be the adult here?

He just gave me a look, not even dignifying my question with an answer and after a minute-long stare-off, I groaned loudly and rolled my eyes. "Fiiine."

My dad settled back into his armchair and smothered a soft grin. I thought I heard him murmur 'good girl' as I strode away, but I ignored him, racing up the stairs to get it over with.

When I got to my parents' room I only hesitated a second, gathering myself, before knocking quietly. After the fourth knock there was still no answer, so I tried again, a little louder. "Mum? You in there? Can I come in for a sec?"

A week ago I would have just opened the door to check if she was there, but now I didn't feel like I could do that. It felt too… familiar. As unfair as it was, my mum and I weren't that close anymore.

I was about to leave, when I heard something in the room and shortly after the door was being pulled open, only far enough to show my mother's face. There was a slight impression of the pillow on her left cheek. Judging by that and her tired, squinting eyes, she must have already been asleep.

"Oh! Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." I apologized awkwardly, taking a step back so we weren't in each other's faces.

"That's alright. What is it, mija?" she asked in a voice rough from sleep.

The endearing nickname threw me for a second, but I recovered quickly, smoothing over the surprised frown-lines on my face. "I just wanted to say good night." I told her, keeping my voice as emotionless as possible to be safe.

The smallest hint of a smile tugged at one corner of her mouth and I noticed how tired she really looked. Not just tired from having been asleep, but from the last days. Her skin was paler than usual and it wasn't because of the scarce lighting, her wrinkles were deeper, more pronounced, and her eyes wore a heaviness I had never noticed before.

Or maybe it had never been there before. I almost felt bad for her, but then I remembered that it wouldn't have to be this way if she just shook off whatever devil was riding her and acted like a real mum again.

"Good night, Santana." She leaned forward and gave me a soft peck on the forehead, simultaneously cupping my cheek gently with her right hand.

Before I could say anything more she had already softly closed the door and I was left alone in the quiet hallway, wondering once again what the heck I was supposed to be feeling.

I didn't even try to figure it out this time though, tired of the emotional rollercoaster I had been stuck on for over three days now, and just went back to my room with a shaking head. I took a detour into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get cleaned up, before returning to my own quarters. I didn't bother turning on the light and just made my way to the bed in the dark out of memory, snuggling up in it with my phone, once I had reached it.

An hour ago it had stopped snowing for the first time since my relatives had left this morning and I noticed it with relief. I had started getting anxious that my parents might be snowed in tomorrow morning and wouldn't be able to go to work, which would leave me stuck with my mum at home for another day. I wasn't grounded exactly, but my mum had made it quite clear I shouldn't go anywhere.

She had justified it by pointing out that Christmas and the following days should be family time. Bullshit, if you asked me. She just didn't want me to meet Britt, even though she had told me I wasn't allowed to anymore anyway, which still pissed me off more than her silent-treatment. I guess she didn't trust me not to go see her despite what she had said. And rightfully so. The minute she ran out of excuses and couldn't stall any longer, I would be out of here and over at Brittany's house before she could say 'grounded'.

I mean, who was she to tell me who I could and couldn't date or even hang out with? I wasn't in kinder garden anymore. It wasn't like she could still choose my friends for me, and she sure as hell had no right to meddle in my relationship with Brittany, least of all tell me to end it.

No, I really didn't want to have to spend another day constantly controlling my anger and emotions with her and having her play me hot and cold. I mean, what the fuck was that just now anyway? _'Mija'? Did she really just address me by that pet name and then even smile at me? Ella es loca! Jesus!_

I grunted softly and tugged my blanket closer around myself, leaving only a little space in front of my face as I lay on my side. It looked a little like an igloo or cave from my head to the mattress and I cradled my phone there, squinting at it as the lit-up screen almost hurt my eyes.

Ten past eleven. Still early enough for Brittany to text back if I write her now.

My fingers were a little stiff from the cold and from the fact that I was partly lying on my left arm, cutting off the blood supply to my hand, but after repositioning myself slightly, blowing on them for a minute and then rubbing them together to warm them up, they flew over the tiny buttons, composing the message.

'hey babe. I talked to my dad earlier and he said they'd both go back to work tomorrow! Yay! Want me to come over or do you wanna meet somewhere else? :*'

I pressed 'send' and smiled warmly. I couldn't wait to see her again. Like, I seriously couldn't wait. My stomach had been feeling fluttery since I had weaseled the information that I'd be free tomorrow out of my dad.

He'd been a little preoccupied balancing a pile of books as he was reorganizing his study, and hadn't even noticed me slipping in the question whether or not he and mum were going back to work tomorrow between my rant about the school cafeteria and a joke uncle Julio had told me before he had left.

Distractedly, he had answered yes and from that moment on I'd had a hard time hiding the grin on my face. I was gonna get to see Brittany tomorrow. Finally. And it would be amazing.

My phone bla-blinged with an incoming message and I quickly opened it.

_(11:13 pm)_

' _Cool! my parents and emily are home but you should totally come over! :**'_

I bit my lower lip and felt my heart speed up at her double kiss smiley. _God, she's so cute!_

Hurriedly, I texted back.

'Okay cool! I'll be there around ten or something? –

I hesitated. Was that too early? Was I pushing myself onto them and disrupting their family Christmas? I deleted my last sentence and instead wrote, 'When should I come over? Ly'

Happier with my message now, I sent it and then waited for her answer, already dreamily imagining what we could do tomorrow.

With her parents there any really sexy stuff would regretfully have to wait, but maybe we could sneak off to her room for a little while and at least make out or cuddle on her bed. I missed her so much and it felt like if I didn't touch her soon I would implode. Seriously. I needed her. Needed to connect with her again and the waiting was making me edgy and grumpy.

My heart sped up when my phone made the message sound again and vibrated strongly in my left hand.

_(11:17 pm)_

'_How soon can you be here?!'_

The biggest grin spread over my face as I re-read Brittany's text. She sounded just as urgent as me, even having forgotten to add a cute smiley at the end like she usually did, and I hummed deep in my throat as I thought of her being as impatient as me to be together again. My skin tingled pleasantly as the images flooded my mind.

Brittany's eyes sparkling as she saw me, Brittany's lips parting just the tiniest bit, expectantly, wanting me, her head moving towards me because she just couldn't help i- _Stop! Jeez, get a grip! I just said no hanky-panky with her parents there. I mean, not that we ever let that stop us, but somehow it's different now…right?_

Suddenly a thought struck me. Had she told her parents about us yet? Did they know we had been sleeping together for quite a while now? Did they know _anything? _Did they approve? How did they react?

"Shit!" I hissed, my eyes widening. Why had I never thought to ask Brittany about that? _I'm too fucking self-centred! That's why!_

Coursing myself, I stared at the phone, trying to figure out what to write. After a second of battling with rising panic, I managed to calm down however, reminding myself that Brittany would have told me if anything bad had happened with her parents and she surely wouldn't have invited me to see all of them tomorrow if they weren't okay with us.

_Or maybe she hasn't even told them yet!_

I concentrated back on the phone and typed, 'Okay, I'll be there around 9 or something depending on when my parents leave for work. Do ur parents know about us?'

It wasn't even a minute until the reply came.

_(11:23 pm)_

'_Yay! Can't wait. What do you mean? :*'_

(11:23 pm)

'I mean, do they know that you and I are girlfriends?'

_(11:25 pm)_

'_Um, yeah. I thought that was okay. Should I not have told them? I'm sorry!'_

I blew out a breath of relief but hurried to write back. I didn't want Brittany to think she had done anything wrong. I had told her she could tell her parents and I had meant it, I had just wanted to know if she already had.

(11:25 pm)

'No of course that's okay! I just didn't know if you had already told them. Sorry I never asked. How did it go? :*'

We texted back and forth for a while, Brittany telling me that Robert and Anna had been thrilled but hadn't seemed too surprised about our relationship - she said she didn't want to tell me about it because she didn't want me to feel sad about my mum again – and me reassuring her that I was fine and then moving on to the topic of possibly meeting up with Quinn and Fernando after New Year's. We also discussed what we should do on the date itself and Brittany informed me that she had received an e-mail from Rachel saying she was invited to a New Year's Eve party at hers.

_(00:13 am)_

'_You should have gotten 1 too, she said everybody in Glee club was invited.'_

(00:14 am)

'Maybe I did. You know I almost never check my emails. Do you wanna go?'

_(00:16 am)_

'_yeah. I mean could be fun right? Her last party was pretty cool.'_

I thought for a second but had to agree. After the initial rocky start Berry wasn't too bad at throwing a decent party. Especially if we had Puck to score us some hard liquor.

(00:18 am)

'Yeah I guess you're right. Do you know if puck's coming?'

Last I had heard he was visiting his cousin in Santa Fe over Christmas, or Hanukkah as it was for him, and I didn't know if he was back yet.

_(00:19 am)_

'_I think so. Rachel pacifically wrote that there would be all kinds of alcohol.'_

I grinned at her word mix-up, feeling like things in my life finally made sense again. Brittany and I were up late texting, she was beyond cute and mixing up words, and we were talking about a party to look forward to with Puck bringing the booze. _This is how it should always be!_

Yawning loudly, I responded to her last text.

(00:20 am)

'It's 'specifically'. Not 'pacifically', babe. That's the ocean. Or peaceful I think. Anyway. That's cool then! Rachel's party is officially a go!'

Another yawn forced my mouth apart as Brittany's quick reply announced itself.

_(00:21 am)_

'_Oh right thanks. Okay I'll cpr her that we'll be there :D'_

This time I had to laugh out loud, but didn't bother to correct her. I just beamed at the text and wrote back that I couldn't wait to see her later and that I loved her.

We said good night and then I tiredly put the phone onto my night stand, another yawn rippling through me and bringing tears to my eyes. _Geez, I'm so fucking tired!_

I closed my heavy lids and snuggled into my pillow, loving the softness and warmth that beckoned me to sleep.

With Brittany on my mind as I fell into the land of dreams, it was no wonder that they were full of love and laughter and the feeling of coming home.

* * *

The next morning I awoke to my parents' aggravated arguing. They were shout-whispering at each other in the hallway just outside my bedroom as I groggily sat up in my warm bed, feeling a little disoriented, and strained to hear what they were fighting about.

"-_not _going to leave her in the house alone, Hector! She's still confus-"

"She is not confused, Maria! She is a seventeen year old girl in lo-."

"Ay, dios mio! I can't talk to you like this! This is ridiculous! How can you even- how can you defend her? This- this is malo!"

My heart pounded in my chest as my mother's footsteps went off and down the stairs with my dad's right behind them.

"Maria! _Maria!"_

For a second I was frozen in bed, fighting the remaining sleepiness and the shock that kept me in place, before I jumped out from under the covers, not even noticing the cold despite the fact that I shivered, and crept over to the door.

As quietly as possible I opened it and peered outside. No sight of my parents, but I could hear their voices coming from downstairs.

On barefooted tip-toes I sneaked to the first floor landing and chanced a glance over the banister. When I still couldn't see them or discern what they were saying, I tried to walk down the stairs without making a sound.

The two times when the carpet covered wood beneath my feet creaked loudly, I flinched and ducked my head, but my parents didn't seem to hear it.

I made it to the broad, doorless frame between the kitchen and the living room undetected and crouched down next to it. It was colder there and slowly I felt the lack of heat as I wasn't preoccupied with sneaking around anymore. Wrapping my arms and hands that were covered by my too big, snuggly night hoodie around myself, I stayed as quiet as possible and listened in to their conversation.

My parents were still arguing and, judging by what I could hear as they walked around and continued talking, moving from the living room through the dining room into the conservatory and back during their banter.

"- can't just call in sick, you already said you'd be back to work today."

"That was before I knew that I can't leave my child alone at home!"

_Oh no! Uh, come on! She's not really gonna stay home, is she!?Fuck!_

"Maria, that's ludicrous! Of course you can leave her at home."

My dad's voice wasn't as agitated as my mum's but I wasn't fooled. Even though he didn't outwardly show it as much as her, he was equally pissed. I could tell from the amount of words he spoke alone. Usually my dad was more of a listener and thoughtful watcher during an argument.

"Oh really!" My mum's sarcasm bit so harshly that I pressed myself closer to the wall, the feeling that she'd burst into the kitchen, practically fuming with fury, creeping over me mercilessly.

She didn't however. For now.

"God, Hector! Am I the only one who is concerned about our daughter here? You act like you don't even care what becomes of her!"

"Maria!" my dad's voice held a clear warning and had it been directed at me, I was sure I would have blinked and looked away. Maybe even mumbled an apology. But my mum was undeterred.

"No, Hector! If it were up to you she and Brittany would probably be up in her room right now and –" even across the distance I heard the catch in her voice that stopped her from going on, and I could imagine the disgusted expression on her face. I closed my eyes to shut out that image and clenched my jaw to keep myself calm, willing my heart to slow down so they wouldn't hear it racing in the other room.

I heard them walk towards where I was hiding and prayed they wouldn't come into the kitchen. But it was only two or three steps and then they suddenly stopped.

As I heard some rustling I knew they were closer now, probably in the living room again, next to the table just around the corner, and I held my breath.

"Stop. Just stop it." My dad said, exasperation and compassion both evident in his voice. "I understand that you don't want this for her, Maria, but this is not the way. You can't _make _her do anything. You know that as well as I do. She's our daughter after all." He sounded calmer now, less tense and more in control. I heard another few steps and then a soft sob.

"Shh, come here."

My dad must have pulled my mother into his arms because when she spoke next her voice, already distorted by her obvious tears, sounded muffled and I could barely make out her words.

"I just don't know what to do. I just don't know how to convince her to change her mind about this."

My dad hummed and I heard the stroking motions as he probably soothed his hands over her back.

"It's not like that Maria. She can't just decide not to be who she is. You know that, mi amor." His voice, too, was quieter now and harder to understand. It took my mum a couple of minutes to respond and it gave me time to evaluate my situation.

_Should I try to sneak back upstairs? I really don't wanna listen to this bullshit anymore. It's just her crying about how unfair everything is and how hard her life is and how horrible it s to have a daughter like me and my dad comforting her. I can think of better things to do than listen to that. Besides, if she catches me eavesdropping it'll just give her an excuse to ground me or something._

I was about to quietly push away from the wall when my mum said something.

"I know."

I froze.

As her words carried to me, their meaning unfolding in my mind, first in slow motion, then in fast forward, I gasped in a breath.

_She knows?_

Her words repeated over and over in my voice, so fragile and wavering, broke my heart. It actually physically hurt me to hear so much pain in those two words, and I could practically feel the throbbing pain in my own chest and throat. _She knows. But if she knows, then why-_

"But I can't! I just can't! She's not strong enough, Hector! She's not- they'll eat her alive! She'll never be happy and then we'll lose her!" it wasn't just sobs anymore, my mum's heartfelt crying filled the room and I felt my own lip quiver and my eyes sting with tears.

'_She's just scared… for you.' _

Brittany's words echoed in my head and I pressed my lips together to hold in a sob. I had known that she had been right the minute she had said it, in theory, but to hear it like this- to hear the fear, the paralyzing fear in my mother's voice, made it real. Only now it truly sank in and made sense to me, how this kind of fear could make her fight me so hard on this. Or, in _her_ mind, fight _for _me so hard.

"Ah, honey, but she is." My dad sounded almost as if he would laugh. "She is so very strong that daughter of ours." He soothed. "And yes, it won't be easy, but that's not a choice she gets to choose, mi corazòn. She can't change who she is inside anymore than we can, and if we try it'll only hurt her. And us. If we try to change who she is, we would be telling her that who she is now isn't good enough for us. That we don't love her unconditionally and that, Maria, is worse than anything the people out there in the world could ever do to her."

For a while I heard nothing except her crying and his whispered words of comfort that were to low and quiet for me to understand over my own stifled sobs. My head was numb. I couldn't make sense of what I had just heard. The heart-crushing feelings that were rolling over me took every cell in my body to feast on and left nothing in me to ponder over the meaning of what had been said. I couldn't think, couldn't wonder, couldn't hope.

For a few minutes I just felt.

Then my body reclaimed itself, chasing away the overwhelming emotions and waking up my brain, as my left leg began to cramp up, sending a shooting pain through me that instantly brought me back.

I wanted to curse so bad and only barely managed to hold it in. I tried to shift my weight onto the other foot without making noise, my cheeks still wet from my tears and my palms aching where I had pressed my fingernails into them.

I managed to slide a little further down the wall until I was properly sitting on the floor, but suddenly I froze. My dad had stopped murmuring soothing words to my mum and I strained to hear if they were moving towards me. Had they heard me shift?

I couldn't make out any footsteps though, and after a second my dad spoke again, his voice so full of emotion that it temporarily stunned me into forgetting how overwhelmed I was still feeling.

"I know how much you love her. I know how much it hurts you to think of all the pain and suffering she'll have to go through because of who she is and who she loves, Maria. But you can't protect her from it like this. By trying to force her to be different _you _are the one hurting her, my love. I know you only want the best for her and so do I, but what she needs from us isn't guidance. It's love and trust. Trust her that she will find her way. She's already passed the hardest part."

My mum's voice, although free of tears, was still tiny and I couldn't make out what she was saying, but I guessed it was the same question I had. _What's the hardest part?_

"She's found herself." He said gently. "Now all she has to do is stay true to that and all _we _have to do, is try our best to support her however we can."

For a moment she was quiet and I noticed I was holding my breath again, but this time out of apprehension rather than fear of being found.

"How?"

It was just one word, but it felt like a punch in the lungs. My mouth opened but I couldn't draw in any air and my stomach constricted so painfully that I almost doubled over. Silent tears ran from my eyes again. She was coming around.

This was the moment. This was it. She was coming around.

And then my lungs demanded what they needed and the air rushed in with a choking breath.

She was coming around.

My mum was coming around and everything would be fine.

* * *

Somehow I had managed to sneak back up into my room without my parents noticing. There I crawled back into bed and curled up, pulling my too long sleeves over my freezing feet to warm them up.

My back was to the door and when I heard a light knock I pretended to be asleep. I couldn't deal with either of them right now, still feeling too emotionally raw to do anything but lie in bed and wait for the giant waves inside me to calm down enough or me to think.

A second later I heard the door open and then my dad whispered, "Santana? Are you awake?"

I didn't react. I just lay as still as possible without seeming too tense. It seemed way harder than when I wasn't so messed up. Usually I was good at pretending to be asleep. At least my parents had next to never called me on it.

Even though I felt like I was being painfully obvious, my dad just closed the door again and soon I heard him and my mum get ready for work.

I barely moved a muscle until I heard the front door open and shut about forty minutes later and then two cars as they drove off.

I lay still for a little while longer, feeling frozen in the position I had held for such a long time, until I tore myself out of the depths of my blank mind.

Blinking twice, I stiffly rolled over until I was lying flat on my back, staring at the ceiling.

_Wow. _

I didn't know what to think. Was this a good thing? It was, wasn't it? My mum had sounded like she would be trying to accept me from now on.

He had done it. My dad had managed to shake her and wake her up and convince her that I wasn't the one that needed to change.

Yes, it was definitely good.

But what would happen now? Was I allowed to see Brittany again? Officially, I mean. Was she even welcomed back? Did this mean I could bring her over again?

_What does this mean? God, this is…it's…_

_Is it huge? Should I feel like this is something huge? I mean, technically it's just going to become the way it was supposed to be all along, right? It shouldn't be a big deal, because she should have accepted it in the first place, right?_

But she hadn't. She hadn't accepted it at first and now…

_Now it'll get better!_

As that thought really sank in I felt a warmth spread out from the centre of my stomach. It was small at first, but soon it spread all throughout my body, racing down my veins until every last cell of me was alive and tingling with excitement and happiness.

Barely containing an exhilarated squeal, I jumped out of bed for the second time this morning and then quickly grabbed my phone from my night stand.

I hit number one on speed dial and held the phone to my ear.

After four rings she finally answered.

"_Santana?" _her voice was a little rough and I immediately checked my alarm clock. _Almost seven. Whoops. Well, it's not too bad. Brittany's a morning person anyway._

"Hey babe!" I said cheerfully, noticing that my own throat scratched as well, but three words in it smoothed out. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

There was a little cute grunt and I heard her cover rustle in the background_. "Yeah, but it's okay. What's uuuuh-"_ she yawned and then cleared her throat sounding a little more awake. _"Sorry, what's up?"_

The smile that was already plastered on my face widened. "They're gone! Mum and dad just went to work." I know I sounded more excited than would make sense to her since I had already told her that my parents would go back to work today, but I didn't want to tell her about the news with my mum yet. I didn't want to discuss something important like that over the phone if I'd get to see her soon anyway and could tell her in person.

Another yawn. _"That's great. Um, nobody's really up yet, but if you want you can come over and snuggle in bed with me, I'll let you in." _she suggested sweetly and my heart pounded at the idea. I couldn't think of anything I would rather do, but I shook my head anyway, laughing a little when she sneezed like she did every morning.

"That's alright, Britt. I gotta shower anyway. I'll just come over after I've had some breakfast okay? Let's saaay, in about an hour?" I asked, walking across my room and into the hall.

"_Yeah, okay, sure. Just ring me when you're here okay? I don't know when they'll get up today."_

Brittany's family were a lot like me, sleeping-habit wise, and they enjoyed lying in almost as much as I did. Well, all of them but Brittany. She was usually the first one awake, except on the days Emily had something fun planned which always made the littlest Pierce get up at an ungodly hour before any of the others.

"Gotcha. I'll call you when I'm there. Love you!"

"_Love you, too. See you later." _

I hung up and skipped into the bathroom, where I put the phone onto the counter and took off my compfy clothes. Before I stepped into the shower I put on one of my 'fun' playlists on my phone and then sang along with it as I showered and got ready.

This was gonna be a good day.

* * *

I got to Brittany's house a little before eight and was glad to see that most of the lights were still out. Only from Brittany's room a small light shone down to greet me as I parked my car behind her dad's in the drive way.

If someone had ever told me that I would voluntarily be up before dawn and driving through the snow on a cold winter's morning, during school holidays nonetheless, I probably wouldn't have believed it myself, but here I was.

I had even had a little breakfast that didn't only consist of coffee for a change. When I had gotten to the kitchen I had immediately noticed the plate on the table. Two cinnamon rolls had been on it and a note tucked underneath.

_Good morning, Santana,_

_Your mum and I left early for work and didn't want to wake you. We thought you should have breakfast for once. We'll be home around six. It would be great if you could take the trash out before that. _

_There's some Lasagna in the freezer, see to it that you don't eat pizza and nachos for lunch again._

_Have a great day, honey. _

_See you later, _

_Love dad_

The short letter had only brightened my day even more. There was nothing about 'stay in the house' or anything which made me think that my dad had really gotten through to my mum. Like, _really _gotten through, to the point where she didn't insist on keeping me away from Brittany at all costs.

That made me beyond happy. So happy, that I had even eaten one of the cinnamon rolls right then. The second one was in a little lunch bag in my big purse. I had saved it for Brittany.

Grabbing the purse from the passenger seat, I opened my door and stepped out of the car.

The sun hadn't come up yet but it wasn't completely dark anymore either. The faintest hint of light already illuminated the horizon and made everything seem in a state of change.

I felt it in my heart too, the change. And as I walked up to Brittany's house, my coat and the lingering warmth from the car keeping the cold at bay, I felt excited and content at the same time in the face of things to come.

My mum would accept us sooner or later, I was sure of it, and then my life would finally be complete. It would be perfect.

Some aspects already are, I thought, as I took the spare key out of my purse. Thankfully I had remembered to take it with me so Brittany wouldn't have to get up from her cozy bed to open the door for me.

I quietly opened the door after stomping my feet on the welcome mat so I wouldn't carry the snow with me into the house, and closed it just as carefully behind me.

At once I noticed that there was a light on somewhere downstairs, sparsely lighting up the hallway I was in and part of the stairs. Maybe Brittany had heard my car and already gotten up?

I bent and pulled off my slightly wet boots and then hung my coat next to Brittany's, before going to check it out. The light was coming from the kitchen so I went into the living room which you had to go through to get to it.

As there was no door between the kitchen and the living room just like in my house, I immediately saw that it wasn't Brittany who was making coffee by the looks of it.

"Oh, hey, Santana! You're here early." Anna greeted me with a surprised smile. "I thought I heard the door."

"Uh, yeah. I hope it was okay. I still have that spare key Britt gave me once, I just thought-"

"Of course, of course! That's what it's for." She waved me off and then indicated a place at the table. "Want some coffee?"

"No thanks, I already had some at home." I declined, but sat down anyway, placing my purse on the chair next to me.

Anna nodded to show that she had heard me as she turned her back to me and stretched to get down a cup from the shelf. "So-" she said, her voice a little strained as she got up to her tip-toes, before she retrieved a bright yellow one and set in onto the counter. "Does Brittany know you're here?"

"Yeah, I called her like an hour ago and asked if it was okay if I came over a little earlier. My parents are going back to work today and I just, I don't know-"

"Wanted to see your girl." She smiled and winked at me over her shoulder before pouring herself some coffee from the pot.

I was glad she looked away again because I wasn't sure the dim light would hide my burning cheeks. "Uh, well…"

Anna gave a little chuckle. "We know about you and Brittany, dear. I'm sure she told you?"

She took her cup and walked over to sit opposite me, crossing one thigh over the other and blowing on her coffee.

"Yeah, she did." I said, not knowing what else to add. I wanted to tell her that I was glad and relieved that they were obviously so okay with it, but I didn't know how to.

Anna was watching me, her eyes as bright as Brittany's, even though the blue in them was a shade lighter even than my girlfriend's. The hint of a smile was still playing around the corners of her mouth, making her whole face seem soft and warm.

Brittany and her mum looked rather alike in general I thought, as I took in Anna's oval shaped face and her long blonde hair which was currently gathered up in a loose bun. They were about the same height too, I knew, and they had a similar figure, although of course Brittany was still a little more athletic and her hips were narrower.

But all in all they were quite obviously closely related. Mother and daughter, most people they met guessed correctly, and some even thought them to be sisters much to Mrs. Pierce's delight.

It was more than just their appearances though, that they had in common. They both had that warmth inside of them that shone out through their faces and gestures and immediately made anyone in their presence feel special and welcomed. And of course the sparkling blue eyes.

I remembered being nervous the first time I came around to Brittany's house, but when Anna had looked at me with those blue eyes, that held the same joy and capturing sparkle as Brittany's did, I had felt calmer at once- Had felt like I had nothing to be afraid of here, that this was a safe place where I wouldn't be judged for the color of my skin or my Hispanic roots or anything.

Those eyes still looked at me the same way and as I looked back at them, I stopped worrying.

"I'm glad she told you." I said honestly. "I'm glad you know."

Anna's small smile turned into a real one and she reached over with her right hand to take mine. I grasped it gently and smiled as well.

"I'm glad, too. And Bob and I are so very happy for you." She squeezed my hand as she said it and then patted it motherly. "But you know, that means that Robert will have to give you the speech soon."

_What?_

"Speech?" I asked a little uneasy, shifting in my chair. Was this going to be some 'new rules' thing like my dad had said? Where we had to keep the door open at all times or something? I frowned a little at that thought.

"Oh yes! The father-boyfriend speech. Well, _girlfriend _in this case obviously." She drew her hand back and sipped from her coffee, the aroma wafting over to me as I nervously pressed my thumb against every finger in turn.

"Um, I'm not sure what…"

Finally she broke out into a grin that told me not to look so freaked. "Well, he's gotta give you the intimidation speech about how he will hunt you down if you ever break his little girl's heart." She said, laughing lightly and circling her hands around the cup.

_Seriously? _I relaxed a little, but not completely. Even though Anna apparently found the thought rather entertaining I couldn't help but feel a little apprehension at the thought of being threatened by my girlfriend's father. Even if it was Mr. Pierce.

"Okay, um, thanks for the warning." I said, trying to sound a little sarcastic as if I found it funny as well.

"Sure. Just don't let on that you know it's coming. He's been looking forward to that since Brittany told us the two of you are a couple." She said with a loving smile and a little shake of her head. "He's been practicing it on me in fact." She informed me and couldn't hold back another chuckle. "That man…" she added adoringly.

Then she took a breath and stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter to fill up her cup, leaving me feeling a little high-strung.

"Now go on, she'll be waiting for you." Anna said warmly, her left hand shooing me in the direction of the stairs.

I grinned wistfully as the prospect of seeing Brittany and cuddling with her filled me with excitement. "Yeah. Right." I said, standing up and taking my purse from the other seat. Before I walked off, however, I turned around, fingering the leather straps of my bag. "Um, and thanks. You know, for-"

"Yeah yeah! Go!" Anna urged, chuckling and shaking my head as I finally turned around and speed-walked out of the kitchen, which was by now lit up by the morning sun that peeked out from behind the clouds.

I jogged up the stairs and sneaked into Brittany's room, not wanting to wake Emily or Mr. Pierce as I did so.

"You're here!" I whirled around at Brittany's excited squeal, beaming big as I could only just get a glimpse of soft golden hair before two strong arms flung themselves around my neck and Brittany's body was pressed against mine.

"Hey." I greeted back, not managing more as my heart was already hammering inside my chest and my breathing came out a little sporadic.

Finally she was in my arms again and I held her as tight as possible as my senses got over flooded with Brittany.

Her unique, delicious scent embraced me and I took a deep breath to take as much of it in as I could, getting light-headed from the sweetness of it. Her soft but strong body melded against mine and I still wanted her closer, always closer. Her brilliant blue eyes laughed as she tilted her head back to look at me and I fell into them until I was lost in her. And her mesmerizingly soft, pink lips beckoned to me until I gave in and kissed her.

The kiss felt like we hadn't seen each other in months, not merely four days. It was bruising and I couldn't get enough. I pressed my lips against hers as if I wanted them to stick together forever, but she pushed against me just as powerfully, her right hand wandering from my back up to my neck, where she grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me closer.

The subtle sparks of pain ignited a fire that raced down my spine until the pit of stomach was burning. I moaned against her and my mouth opened a little to catch my breath. Brittany's lips reclaimed mine in a second, impatient, demanding, and when she bit my lower lip possessively, my knees almost gave out and my nipples hardened against her chest.

"Fuck, Britt…" I choked out, as she walked me backwards until my back hit something hard.

"I missed you so much." She purred and then her lips were on my neck, sucking right where my pulse was hammering against my soft skin. I hummed weakly, craning my neck so she could do whatever she wanted to with me and held onto her tightly.

She moved her nose lightly over my neck, drawing in a breath, and I shivered in anticipation. It made me wild when she wanted me like this, took me in like she couldn't get enough.

I wanted her to press her thigh between mine to answer the pulsing ache in my clit, but instead she slowed us down. She gently nibbled on my earlobe and released a bit of the pressure she held against me so that I wasn't pressed against the door as much anymore.

A shaky sigh showed my disappointment and she chuckled softly before giving me a quick peck on the lips and then stepping back completely until we weren't touching anymore.

I still felt unbelievably worked up, my heart going a thousand miles minute, and pressed against the door as subtly as possible to steady myself.

Brittany looked pretty hot and bothered herself though, her eyes darker than usual as her pupils almost eclipsed the blue in them and her cheeks almost as red as her kiss-swollen lips.

I also noticed with a smug smirk that her chest was heaving just as fast as mine and that her nipples showed prominently through her tight, raglan shirt. I wanted to take them into my mouth and suck until she begged me to take her, but I held back. Barely.

"Well, that was a nice hello." I said with an open smile when I was sure of my voice again.

She grinned and bit her lip, making me press mine together to not jump her again. _I really need to get over that 'not trusting myself to sleep with her' thing! And fast!_

She didn't say anything, just continued to look at me with those hungry eyes. For a moment we just stared at each other and I felt my heartbeat everywhere.

Then she finally looked away and I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed at the loss of connection.

She only glanced at the floor for a second though, a small smile on her lips, and then she looked at me again. It was still nerve wrecking how she did that. The soul-staring, I mean.

"So, you sounded really happy on the phone." She said, her eyes asking more than her words did.

I nodded even before I spoke. "Yeah." I couldn't help but grin. "I got some good news."

"Yeah?" she asked curiously.

"Mhm." I smirked, leaving her hanging.

She stared at me and when I didn't answer she raised her eyebrows. "Well, what is it?"

"My mum's coming around." I exclaimed, barely containing my excitement. I was still leaning against the door, but I wanted to push away from it and hug her so desperately. I didn't though, because I didn't want to talk about anything else but us when I did that. I wanted to tell her about my mum and then hug her and then snuggle with her on the bed, my mind blissfully free to think of nothing but her.

"Huh?" the little wrinkles on her nose as she frowned made my heart do a flip.

"She's coming around to accepting that I'm gay." I clarified with a little tilt of my head.

Brittany's face was comical. Her mouth fell open and her eyes grew big, before a huge smile spread from one ear to the other and she threw her hands up, freezing with her fingers spread as if she were holding a giant ball.

"Oh my god! That's amazing! Wh- but since when?" she asked breathlessly, her eyes switching between mine unblinkingly.

"I overheard them fight this morning, my dad and her, and then I eavesdropped and she was like 'I only wanna protect her from what's out there' and my dad-" I swallowed as the emotions caught up with me from hearing him defend me like that, "He told her that she was the one hurting me and that they needed to be there for me and love me and support me," I repeated his words with a think voice, heavy from happy tears that gathered in my eyes, "and then she- she just asked 'how'? She didn't object or anything, she just asked him how she could help me." I finished and then sniffled a little as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

Brittany's eyes were swimming too and my heart swelled at her compassion and love for me.

"That's great!" she said again and when her voice caught on the last word I just had to hug her.

I quickly pulled her close to me and as soon as I had her securely in my arms I felt her chest construct with a silent sob of happiness. My own tears ran freely now as well, and I let them, because I was safe with her as I was with no one else.

We didn't let go of each other for several minutes.

* * *

"I missed you." I hushed again, stroking a strand of Brittany's blonde hair behind her ear.

We were lying in her bed under the covers, me still fully clothed and her in her pyjamas, facing each other and just looked and touched and smiled.

"Me too." She said quietly and inched her head forward on the pillow, an invitation I gladly answered with a gently kiss.

Sighing happily I eased my head back until I could watch her again. Her eyes ran over my face and collarbone, lingering every now and then, before finally fixating on mine.

"I ran into your mum downstairs." I told her, playing with the little bow on the collar of her raglan night shirt.

"Really? I didn't hear her get up." She said. Her fingers walked up and down my left side and I shuddered when she teased under the hem of my shirt.

"Yeah. We talked a little." I said on a breath.

Brittany wore a lazy smile. "What about?" she asked, her eyes watching her own fingers as they nudged my shirt a little higher until she could smooth them over the little dip of my waist.

"Us." I answered, my breath quickening and my abs contracting jerkily as she trailed a single finger over them.

"She said she's happy for us." I said quietly, my skin starting to tingle all the way up to my breasts.

Brittany just hummed and flattened her hand against my stomach, pushing softly until I relented and let myself roll back onto my back.

Heart galloping in my chest, I lay my arms on either side of my body, holding really still and watching Brittany's face as she pulled my shirt even higher until it bunched up just underneath my bra.

"What else did you talk about?" she asked in a low voice, eyes briefly flickering up to my face before she concentrated back on the slow patterns her fingers drew on me. Burned into my skin, more like.

It took me two fast breaths to answer, my head spinning as she scratched lightly and my abs twitched at her mercy. "Your dad giving me the boyfriend-speech."

Her movements stopped. "The what?" she asked amused, finally looking up at me with laughing eyes.

"The boyfriend speech. You know, where he tells me he'll hurt me if I'll ever hurt you." I said hastily, gulping the last part of the sentence as I got impatient for her to continue her ministrations.

She laughed. "Really? That's hilarious."

I just nodded quickly. "Yeah, I guess."

Impatience was something I would have to work on hiding, because Brittany loved teasing me and whenever she noticed that I was getting restless I'd be in for a small torture.

"I wish I could be there." She said, still chuckling, and then she finally continued to lightly scratch over my abs. They responded to her like waves to the moon, falling and rising at her command.

She obviously enjoyed the power she had over me as she smirked when I sucked in a little breath when she dipped under the waistband of my bright blue jeans, my lower abdomen jerking violently and my nipples hardening against my bra.

I was breathing heavy and felt the need to close my eyes, but I fought it, wanting to keep watching her.

A door and then footsteps startled us, and a second later Brittany stilled her hand as we heard her dad walk past her bedroom door on his way downstairs.

"Shit." I murmured frustrated. I didn't know what I had been expecting, but now it became clear again that nothing more than teasing could happen either way.

"Soon." Brittany promised, correctly interpreting my frown, and kissed me until I struggled for breath.

"Yeah." I swallowed dryly as I watched her get out of bed. "Real soon, though!"

She grinned at the serious urgency in my voice and winked at me as she pulled on a pair of comfortable dark green training pants she always wore to hip hop practice.

That stirred something in the back of my mind. The last time we had talked about her dance class something had bothered me.

_Patricia! We talked about 'Trish'. _

Suddenly the jealous feeling I had pushed to the back of my mind reared its ugly head again and I locked my jaw to shove it away again.

It wouldn't budge however, as hard as I tried, and I had a bad feeling that it would get me into trouble with Brittany sooner or later.

* * *

So that's it :) 

Hope you enjoyed their reunion. About time, don't you think?

Can't wait to read what you all have to say about this chapter. 

Thanks so much, for reading so loyally, my darlings :*

Love you all :}

**Spanish:**

_Ella es loca __– she's crazy_

_-malo - wrong_


	6. Chapter 6

So San and Britt are finally reunited. What do you think they'll do on their first day together again?

Can't tell you how happy your reviews and continued support makes me, you guys!

You're the best!

Enjoy ;)

* * *

**Chapter 6**

After Brittany got dressed we played with Lord Tubbington for a while, who had meowed in front of Britt's bedroom door until she had opened it for him, and then the both of us decided to go downstairs to say good morning to her parents and to ask what their plans for the day were.

I had given Brittany the cinnamon roll I had saved for her, earning me a squeal and a hug, and after convincing her to wait to eat it until she had a plate, it was now being thrown from one hand to the other as the blonde happily skipped down the stairs in front of me.

We found Anna and Robert sitting at the breakfast table where I had talked with Mrs. Pierce only an hour ago.

"Good morning, sunshines." Mr. Pierce boomed fatherly as we walked up to them side by side. Brittany gave him a peck on the cheek and then proceeded to the kitchen to get a plate for the cinnamon roll. "Morning, daddy."

I said good morning as well and stopped in front of the table. Not having seen Brittany in way too long, I really wanted to follow her into the kitchen and just stand close to her while she was doing whatever she was doing, but I got the feeling that that might be a little weird and clingy so I held back the love-puppy act and leisurely leaned against the edge of the table instead, feeling a little awkward.

"Hey, mum, do we have any whipped cream left?"

"Well, good morning to you too, eldest daughter of mine." her mum answered with a little chuckle. "And how about you check in the fridge, hon?" Anna suggested with a touch of a sigh. Adults always complained that 'the youth' was so lazy and never took the initiative anymore. I guess that was kinda true, but there'd be enough times in our future lives where we'd be solely dependent on ourselves, so sue us for milking it a little while we still had parents to do things for us in some situations.

"Right, thanks."

While Brittany opened the fridge and searched for her beloved whipped cream – no idea how that girl stayed so fit – I remained perched against the wooden table, not knowing what to do. My fingers drummed against the surface and I noticed that I'd have to cut my nails soon. Especially if Britt and I would hopefully finally be having sex before too long.

When I looked up I felt caught and the heat rose in my cheeks. Mr. Pierce was distinctly watching me over the news paper in his hands and suddenly Anna's earlier warning rang in my head and made me feel like I was being preyed upon.

"Why don't you sit down, Santana? Ready for some more coffee now?" Brittany's mum asked cheerfully. In my, by now slightly paranoid, opinion I thought she was a little too cheerful and when she smirked at my apparently distressed face, I frowned and internally slapped myself to get it together.

"Sure, yeah, thanks." I nodded and sat down next to Anna. _Wow. Such a wordsmith. Smooth._

"Britt, sweetie? Would you get Santana a coffee and get your dad a refill?" Anna asked her daughter and Mr. Pierce grunted and shook his head, indicating he didn't want another cup of coffee. "Okay, just for Santana then." Anna amended her request.

Brittany, who had just emerged from the fridge with a triumphant expression on her face at having found the spray bottle of cream she had been looking for, nodded and hummed affirmatively. It was beyond cute, the way her eyes shone and her grin almost split her face, and I struggled to not coo at my adorable girlfriend in front of her parents.

"Sure." She replied simply and looked at me sweetly before turning to make some more coffee.

I smiled back stupidly and then lowered my head when I noticed Mr. and Mrs. Pierce exchanging a glance and a grin. _Dammit, Lopez! Get your shit together!_

* * *

Thankfully Mr. Lopez's speech I was starting to dread never came. At least not during the sort of breakfast the four of us shared, which was basically just Brittany eating, Mrs. Lopez drinking what must have been her fourth cup of coffee before switching to tea, and Mr. Lopez reading his newspaper as if nobody else was in the room.

The whole time I remained silent and slightly apprehensive, but happy to just watch Brittany eat.

She kept smiling at me and giving me that look that made me all flustered inside and shift in my chair and look down and probably blush. God, I was a mess around that girl.

But she didn't mind. Whenever I averted my gaze to my hands I heard her hum or giggle lightly, which in turn made me grin and giggle breathily and whisper 'stop it' at her, which she completely ignored.

Or maybe she just didn't know what she was supposed to stop and I wouldn't have been able to explain it to her anyway had she asked, because it was everything and nothing.

Simply the way she was so cute and sweet and… Brittany. It just made me giddy and that in turn made her giddy, which then caused her mum to smirk and her dad to raise his eyebrows at us over the news paper, much to my embarrassment.

In the end I was pretty relieved when Brittany finally finished her cinnamon roll – which had taken her longer than usually, you know, because of all the giddiness – and stood up to clear her plate away.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Brittany asked as she returned to stand behind me. I had to concentrate to catch the answer, because Brittany started to lightly scratch up and down my arms and over my shoulders and it was all I could do not to shiver and sigh.

She might have seemed absent-minded doing it, but I guarantee you, the girl knew exactly what she was doing. What she was doing to me, to be more precise.

"Emily asked us to drive her over to Tanya's place so the two of them can exchange gifts later and Bob and I thought we could use the opportunity to catch up with her parents." Anna answered.

"Later when?" I asked a little too quickly and immediately hastened to add, "um, I mean cause I think it's supposed to snow tonight." _Don't stammer! Stop blushing, for christ's sake!_ "And um, you know, you shouldn't be driving then…" I ended lamely.

Inside I was face-palming myself so hard it almost hurt on the outside. Could I have made it anymore obvious that I was desperate for some alone time with their daughter? _Yeah, didn't think so… _

_Crap!_

"Well, I haven't called the Blakes yet, but I'm guessing we'll head over there after lunch sometime." Anna answered, kindly ignoring my traumatizing word-vomit. I guess she figured I'd have enough embarrassment for one day with the early visit and the boyfriend-speech I was sure was still to come. How nice of her not to rub my face in my sexual frustration as well.

"Do you need us for anything at all then? Cause I thought San and I could go sledging." Brittany said enthusiastically, grabbing my shoulders in excitement, which caused goose bumps to erupt on my skin.

I frowned and twisted my head to look up at her behind me. "Sledging?" Mrs. Pierce and I asked in unison.

"Yeah!" Brittany nodded happily, beaming first at her mum then me.

"Really?" I asked, not so sure of the idea. First having to drag a pile of wood up a snowy hill only to then sit down on it and slide down that same hill again might have been exciting when we were kids, but now it just sounded exhausting and not to forget, cold.

"Yeah!" Brittany repeated, still looking down at me. "Don't you think it'll be so much fun?" she asked, her brows slightly furrowing.

_Ah, crap! Not _that _look again!_

Admittedly, there weren't many looks that didn't make me go all soft and want to try my best to make Britt happy, but this 'I'm disappointed but we'll do whatever you want' look was one of the worst.

"Ugh, fine. But you have to tow me home on that sledge if I freeze solid." I warned darkly, and Brittany gave a little hop and half a squeal before bending down and kissing my cheek.

"Yay!" she grinned toothily and I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile as well.

I almost jumped, having forgotten she was there, when Anna chimed in again. "That's fine, girls. We only want you to be back for lunch and for dinner if you'll join us, Santana." She looked at me questioningly and finally Robert lowered his news paper and folded it expertly, before eyeing me as well.

"Um, I'd love to have lunch with you guys if that's okay, but I have to be back home for dinner." I explained politely. Brittany had become quiet behind me and she lightly squeezed my upper arms in support. She knew that I had to be back because the situation wasn't quite resolved at home yet, but I didn't wanna bring that up to her parents.

They both just nodded and then Mr. Pierce smiled at me. "Well, we definitely insist that you eat lunch with us then."

Anna nodded and he stood up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, that coffee goes right through me." His eyes twinkled and he smirked when Brittany groaned.

"Dad!"

Chuckling in a row rumble, he went out into the hallway on his way to the bathroom.

"Alright, Britt-honey, you know where we keep the sledges and I think she can also lend you a pair of cloves and maybe some earmuffs." Anna said, directing her attention to me for the second part of the sentence, as she began to clear the news paper and the empty coffee cups off the table. "I don't think I saw any of your lovely winter-wear on the hanger."

"Yeah, just my coat." I told her, getting up myself. Brittany took a step back to let me up and then linked her arm with mine.

"I'll find a way to keep you warm, don't worry, babe." She said sweetly to me, staring at me from the side, and I could feel my ears burning again.

Brittany's mum just hummed, giving us a quick, unreadable glance, and then went about to make a shopping list by the looks of it, while Britt and I went back upstairs.

When we were back in her room I pushed her lightly and frowned playfully. "Man, do you have to say stuff like that in front of your mum?" I half-laughed.

She looked completely innocent as she replied with her eyebrows raised. "Stuff like what?"

I turned and walked a step backwards into the general direction of the bed. Giving her a 'You're not fooling anyone' look, I said, "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

She kept up the façade as she followed me slowly. "No, I don't! What? Cause I said 'babe'?"

"Yeah!" I tilted my head as if to say 'duh' and then stopped when the back of my knees hit the mattress. Brittany couldn't hold back a little smirk as she proceeded towards me, slowing down a little until she was practically sauntering. "And also the 'I'll find something to keep you warm' thing? What was that about?"

"Don't you want me to keep you warm?" she asked, and now the pretend innocence had almost completely made way for a seductive look that made my knees week against the wooden frame of the bed.

I stood strong however. Kinda.

"Of course I do, but-"

"And don't you think I can find a way to keep you warm?" she asked. Only two steps away now…

"Yeah, I'm sure you can, but-"

"So then what's the problem, Santana?" she smirked, licking her lower lip dangerously slow and then biting it as she covered the remaining distance.

She now stood not three inches away from me and I swallowed dryly as her hands loosely closed around my wrists and then slowly, deliberately slowly, ran up my arms, her fists opening to the curves of my arms so that it felt like I was being dressed in a tight-fitting pair of arm-length gloves. Gloves of fire the way they left my skin burning.

It wasn't just the way her hands trailed a tingling way on my arms however, it was also the way her eyes, once again darkened by desire, bore into me, that mesmerized me and caused my lips to slightly fall apart in anticipation.

My breathing and heart-rate picked up and my gaze dropped onto her lips. Her perfect, soft, pink lips. They were erotically parted as well and when her tongue darted out again to moisten them a strange whine came from my mouth.

The lips curled up into a confident smile and then Brittany kissed me. At first so soft, the kiss quickly grew more urgent and when I wound my arms around her neck, hers pulled me closer by the waist, and when I stood up on my tip-toes, she sucked on my lower lip passionately.

I felt a rush of heat shoot through me and I moaned as I pushed my tongue into her hot mouth. God, she tasted so good.

Her hands wandered underneath my shirt and covered the small of my back. When she pressed lightly, I immediately pushed my hips against her and she hummed in approval.

I had missed her so much.

As her nails lightly scraped over my back, making me shiver, I let my hands follow the path of her collarbone to her shoulders and back again. The feel of her under my fingers was unbelievable, indescribable, and I needed to lean back to look at her.

My hungry eyes stared into hers, so blue, so intense, before they lowered and watched my fingers. They drew a slow, careful line up her slender neck and when I saw goose bumps erupt in their wake it was my turn to smirk smugly.

Her fingers dug into my back as I moved my mouth teasingly closer to her neck, halting right above that sweet spot so that she could feel my hot breath on the sensitive skin where her pulse hammered underneath.

I knew she expected me to kiss her, lick her, bite her. _Anything._ But I just hovered, my hands on either side of her head digging into her hairline and keeping her still.

She shifted impatiently and pushed me even closer by my waist, our thighs now pressed together tightly. "San…" she murmured insistently, her breathing loud.

I grinned, although a little weak from the lust that coursed through me. It was incredibly hard to not lean forward that tiny bit and claim her, but I wanted her to know what it felt like to be teased. I wanted it to be _her_ for a change who got restless.

"Hm?" I purred, so close now that my lips grazed her and vibrated lightly against her skin. She was hot and her scent drew me in. I wanted to kiss her there so badly. There, or anywhere else.

No, _everywhere_ else.

"Think _I_ can keep _you_ warm, too?" I asked against her neck. Her long blonde hair was tickling my cheek and I nuzzled it to get it out of the way and breathe in her smell at the same time.  
I knew from experience that it was incredibly sexy when Brittany really breathed me in. Obviously enjoying it by humming appreciatively and maybe even murmuring something hot into my ear after. She was really good at that.

But right now, I seemed to be having the same affect on her as I sighed quietly, overwhelmed by the sweetness that was Brittany. She stiffened and arched against me, a low moan reverberating in her chest as she nodded.

I wanted to whisper something in her ear too, like she did with me sometimes. Something sexy and irresistible, but I couldn't speak.

I could only hear my own heart hammering and feel her move, pressing her thigh between my legs, and notice how shaky my breath suddenly was. My breath and my knees.

The bed was right there, I could still feel the mattress pressing against my legs, but we couldn't do that now. Not with her parents and Emily still in the house. _Especially_ not with them knowing what we would be up to in here.

_Just one more minute though! One more minute and then we'll stop!_

"San." Brittany sighed impatiently. Her voice was so weak, but demanding at the same time. It was the sweetest turn-on.

Her lips grazed lightly against my ear shell and I shivered. Those skilled hands made their way to my sides, pausing there before venturing over my stomach and making my abs twitch. Her strong, toned thigh pressed harder, higher, right where I needed it, and just like that the roles had reversed.

Now _I_ was sighing helplessly, arching in her arms. Now_ I_ was the one tilting my head back, offering my neck to her, and whining when she only placed the lightest of kisses against it before retreating again.

God, that woman was driving me crazy.

"Britt." I breathed, clutching her shoulder blades, urging her closer. Needing her closer, so much closer. "Britt, please."

She was more merciful than I had been, when she obliged and gently sucked on the spot just below my ear. The tingles it sent through me made my breathing shatter and my nipples harden.

She must have felt it, because as she sensually moved her lips a little bit lower on my neck, nibbling lightly, her hands brushed over my bra-clothed breasts, calling the hard buds to even higher attention. Almost painfully so.

"Mmh-" I moaned, desperately pressing against her hands.

"I really wanna touch you, Sanny, but we can't." Brittany murmured out of breath. She regretted it as much as me. I could tell, because she swallowed dryly and leaned her forehead against mine, her hands remaining on my breasts, unmoving. "Not yet." She whispered and I let out a defeated breath.

"Right. Yeah." I agreed quietly, closing my eyes as she slowly let her hands drop away from my heaving chest and safely wrapped them around my waist instead. Mine curled loosely around her neck and I gently stroked through her hair at the back of her head.

Our foreheads still touching, we took a few moments to calm down, until our breathing was back to normal and our postures relaxed a little.

The racing hearts however wouldn't slow down, and when we kissed again, a deep, passionate kiss, I could feel them beat in synchrony.

Then our lips parted at last, and I laughed breathily, resting my head against her shoulder. "Jesus. I seriously can't wait to be alone with you again."

She chuckled and I felt her nodded. "Yeah. Me neither. But I guess we'll have to wait until after lunch."

I grunted sullenly and snuggled closer to her to emphasize my discontentment with that. Her cheek tightened against my head as she smiled. For a moment we just enjoyed being in each other's arms, but then Brittany took a decisive breath and leaned back.

I kept my arms around her neck though, so she wouldn't stray far. She didn't and I felt a little relieved when she didn't try to push away from me completely. I wasn't ready to lose this contact yet. Not after longing for it for what felt like an eternity.

"So," Brittany said into the quiet. Somehow the atmosphere called for soft voices and secretive smiles. "Wanna go sledging with me?" she asked with the softest expression anyone could ever imagine. It was like she was trying to make me feel safe and loved and cherished just with that one look. And she did.

I felt all of those things and it took me a second to take them all in, before I could respond.

"As long as you keep me warm."

It was supposed to sound a little teasing and maybe even sexy, but that look had made that impossible. Instead, once again, I sounded small and helpless. And maybe it was like that because she was the only person I ever really was that with.

Nobody else could make me feel the way she did. So open and vulnerable. I was only ever like that with her and I couldn't even help it. But I wasn't afraid.

With her I was free to be small and helpless, because she raised me up and protected me, so it was okay to be those things.

And now she proofed it again. She pouted at first, a pout that was sympathetic of how weak I had sounded, but then she leaned forward and kissed me lovingly. She kissed my weakness away and when she moved back again we were both smiling.

"Always." She said softly.

* * *

"No!"

"Ah come on, Sanny!"

"No fucking way, Britt!"

"But it'll be fun!"

_What the hell? No, it won't!_

"What about breaking your neck sounds fun to you?!" I shouted back panicky.

Brittany was standing a little distance away from me, the string of the wooden sled safely wrapped around her wrist and hand.

We had driven a little while in my car until we had found a nice hillside to sledge on.

Despite originally having been against it, I had actually had quite a lot of fun flying down the snowy hill with Brittany pressed to my front or back, but then she had seen that other path. That off-piste path with the bumps and turns and that big-ass, man-made snow hurdle.

No way in hell was I letting her go down there.

"I'm not gonna break anything! I sledged down paths like that all the time when I was a kid!" she tried to convince me and beckoned to me with her muff-gloved right hand. "Come on!"

But I didn't move. "No! Britt, come back! It's too dangerous!"

Even across the distance I could see her adoring grin. _I'm not being cute, dammit! I just really don't want you to fucking die from a sledge-crash!_

She tilted her head and dropped the hand that had been waving to me to come over. "I promise I'll be careful." Brittany called and took a few heavy steps towards me.

The hill ridge we were on was quite secluded and judging by the footprints, there hadn't been very many people up here before us. But where Brittany was going, her steps were the first to sink into the thick snow and that worried me even more.

The impromptu piste she had spotted running sort of parallel to the one we had been on had clearly not been used in at least a day and even then it seemed to only bear the marks of the few people who had decided to make it in the first place. The few_ crazy_ people.

There was barely a path discernible and at two places the track vanished into the forest that stood dark and foreboding on the right hand side going down the hill, until it led out again a little further down. This did not look like a good idea at all.

"Britt, I really don't want you to do this."

I had already established that I would never in a million years go down that way, but Brittany was still dead-set upon doing it. With or without me.

And that wasn't any less scary than doing it myself.

She took another few steps, leaning forward against the weight of the sled she was towing behind her, until she was only a few feet away from me and in normal talking distance.

"Seriously, I've done this loads of times." She assured me, stopping again and wiping a few snowflakes from her nose. It was snowing minimally now again but it didn't really stick to the ground noticeably.

"When?" I asked skeptically and still a little frightened. I couldn't remember a time Britt and I had gone down a path like that or even seeing her do it on her own.

"When I was little." She shrugged, sitting down on the sled and stretching her hands out to me after making sure it was secured and wouldn't suddenly slide away with her on.

I hesitated a second before walking over to her and grabbing her hands. I let her pull me next to her onto the wooden bench and then looked at her.

Her nose was adorably red, as were her cheeks, and her eyes were such a bright blue that it almost seemed like there was a light shining through from within her.

"I used to go up to a hill like this one every winter near my nana's house and she and I would always sledge down together." She told me, her face beaming as she remembered those days.

I raised my eyebrows. It was hard for me to imagine a little kid, let alone an elderly woman dash down an unsecure track like that. "For real? Your grandma rode down a hill like that with you?"

"Yeah! All the time! And it was awesome!" she exclaimed excitedly and then grabbed my gloved hands again, squeezing them. "Oh, come on, it would be so much fun, San! And you'd totally love it, I just know it!" her voice had taken on an almost whiney, urgent tone and I frowned.

Knowing I wouldn't be able anymore to say 'no' soon, I was desperate to convince her not to do it before I caved in.

"Britt, don't you think it would be a shame if something happened to us now? I mean, only a few more hours and we could have an adventure in your bedroom instead!" I wiggled my eyebrows at her with a sly smirk, but then got serious again as I finished my argument. "Do you really wanna risk that just to slide down a stupid, sledge-piste that was probably made by a few twelve year-old boys with a death-wish?"

I thought I had raised a pretty valid point, but Brittany wasn't impressed in the slightest. She merely squinted her eyes at me in thought, as if she had just realized something. "You really are scared something majorly bad will happen to me if I go down there, aren't you."

"Well, yeah!" _That's what I've been saying for fuck's sake!_

My agitated response made her chuckle and then coo. "Aw, babe! But it's all snow! Worst case scenario I crash and fall into a fluffy white winter bed." She grinned cockily.

"Which is really cold." I argued.

"I'm wrapped up in tons of winter-wear."

"What about the trees though."

"I'll avoid them."

"What if you can't?"

"I will."

"What if a deer jumps out at you!"

"Why would a deer jump out at me?"

"Cause you're disturbing its winter sleep."

"Deer don't sleep during winter."

"Sure they do! Everybody has to sleep at some point."

"Fine, but they don't sleep during the day."

"Well, maybe you're just annoying them then."

"No deer will jump out at me, Santana."

"How do you know?"

"That's never happened before."

"First time for everything."

"San."

"What?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"No, I'm not! We have a deer-problem in Ohio. Everybody knows that!"

Okay, so that was a lie. And a quite bad one, too. But I really _really_ didn't want her to sledge down that death-piste.

Brittany sighed heavily and closed her eyes for a second. "Okay, fine. If it really worries you that much I won't go down the fun-path."

_Really? 'Fun-path'? Nice try, but I'm not budging just cause you make me out to be the kill-joy._

"Thanks." I said a little snippy. I couldn't let on how much of a weight had been lifted off my chest just now.

Shaking her head at me, Brittany leaned back on the sled, her arms outstretched behind her and gripping the edge. "So what now?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. We could go down the other way again if you want?" I suggested, hoping Brittany wasn't too annoyed that I had stopped her from sledging where she wanted to.

She didn't seem that upset though and I was relieved. However, apparently she wasn't too turned on by the thought of going down the comparably tame piste again either. She scuffed her feet a little in front of the sledge, before smoothing the messed up patch of snow over and drawing on it with her boot-tips.

"Meh."

I was quiet for a second, trying to think of something we could be doing instead that she thought might be 'fun' too. Unfortunately I couldn't come up with anything, because her feet distracted me. They were drawing a big heart into the snow, and inside the heart Britt had just finished the letters 'B' and 'S' with a little ampersand sign in between them.

"Um…how abooout…" I dragged, buying myself more time as I tried to redirect my brain to think of fun things to do in the snow instead of fun things to do to Brittany.

"OH!"

Her exclamation startled me and I almost slid off the wooden sledge as she jumped up and rounded on me excitedly. "Let's make snow angels!" she cheered, clapping her hands, which sounded kinda weird since they were gloved in thick muffs. "Ooh! And I wanna build a snow fort!"

"What, you mean like an igloo?" I asked, looking up at her as she nodded vigorously.

"Yeah! Come on!" Brittany yelled and before I could say anything more she had already taken off towards a more even bit of the hill a little way down on the opposite side of the hill.

I groaned as I stood up as well and slowly followed her, slinging the towing rope over my shoulder and hunching over as if the sled weighed a ton.

With the resistance of the snow underneath my feet in addition to the sled, it almost felt like I actually had pulled over a ton, when I finally half-collapsed next to where Britt was already enthusiastically working on her snow angel.

Originally I wasn't in the mood to lie down in the cold snow and get my clothes soaking wet and freezing, but as it so happens within the next half hour we were rolling around in the snow.

First we had been making our respective angels, before I'd accidentally wiped some snow onto one of her creations and it quickly escalated into a full-blown snow-fight. And I'm calling it snow-fight because we didn't bother forming the white, cold material into actual balls.

Unsurprisingly, Brittany had gained the upper hand within minutes of our fight, but if you asked me, she'd played dirty, because she had suddenly launched herself at me and tackled me to the ground. Hence the rolling around.

Of course our little fight for dominance, which was always a turn-on for the both of us, had morphed into a heated make-out session, and even though my butt was indeed beginning to freeze off, I was still very much enjoying Brittany's passionate kisses and little hums.

It was really annoying though that our various layers of cold-resistant clothing were keeping us from having some real fun, so I turned my head to the side when Brittany's lips tried to claim mine again and asked, "What time is it?"

The white puffs of steamy air that escaped our mouths displayed our ragged breathing and wound quickly into the winter sky.

"Mh, dunno." She mumbled distractedly before tilting her head quickly to the side and capturing my lips again. Again a thing she was really good at.

For another few minutes I was lost in the heat of Brittany's mouth and the thrilling skills of her tongue, but then I remembered my original agenda behind asking that question.

Once more I escaped her next kiss and rasped, "So, um, but if it's almost-"

She nibbled on my earlobe and I lost track of my words.

"Uuuh…if um...the-"

Her leg between mine put more pressure onto my crotch and even through the thick, almost frozen jeans I was wearing the friction on my clit was sweet torture as she began to rock slowly, supporting her own weight by leaning on her elbows next to my ears, framing my face.

"Oh god, um….but the...ugh _goddammit!_"

My curse drew an amused chuckle from her and the brief interruption of her ministrations gave my brain the needed break to remember what I had wanted to say.

"Britt, I think it might be time to go home. I think it's almost lunch-time." I got out hastily, my voice extremely raspy and breathless, ass all the air was already escaping in the form of soft panting._ I need us to stop anyway! If we don't, I'll need her to get her hand into my pants right now and that would just not be a very good idea. I'd probably get frost-bite down there or something._

Thankfully Brittany seemed to agree with me. She propped herself up a bit until she could look down into my face and then nodded.

I was pleased to see that she was almost as breathless as me and her lips were that endearing red that they always got when we had kissed for a long time. They were puffy too and it was quite an erotic sight.

"Yeah." She nodded again, seemingly having to shake herself out of the make-out stupor as well. "You're right. Do you have a watch?"

I started shaking my head, but the movement made more snow creep under the collar of my coat and I squealed a little and drew my shoulders up to block the snow's path onto my skin.

"Ah! No, I don't. But let me check my phone." I said through gritted teeth, fighting the cold shiver the unwanted snow contact was creating.

"Sure, sorry."

Brittany sat back onto her calves so I could sit up. She was still sitting on one of my legs, but at least that wasn't as distractingly sexy as any other contact would have been.

I sat up and dug my cell phone out of my coat pocket. It was ten past twelve. "When did your mum say lunch would be ready again?" I asked, not able to recall Anna's words to us before we had left.

"Um, one-ish I think." Brittany replied, taking off her gloves and repeatedly making fists with her hands to warm them up and de-stiffen them, before gently running her fingers through my hair to get rid of the icy snow-clots that had attached themselves there.

I smiled at her concentrated face for a second, reveling in the simple sweetness of her action, before blinking away the love-fog and putting the phone back into the pocket.

I drew up my left leg, the one Brittany wasn't sitting on, and leaned my left elbow against it. As I rested my head on my propped up upper arm, Brittany's eyes focused on me instead of my hair.

We just looked at each other for a second, letting the echo if the past hours' fun and emotions reverberate around us, before she shifted and carefully got up so as not to hurt me.

"So," she extended an arm towards me to help me up. I took it and she easily pulled me to my feet. "last ride down?"

"Yep." I smiled, looking forward to one last sled-ride with my arms wrapped around Brittany's waist and my front pressed to her back. It was almost like riding a motorcycle and somehow that analogy was kind of a turn-on for me.

"Okey-dokey." She grinned, walking the few steps back to the beginning of our usual piste, and put the wooden sled into position. I followed her and chuckled when Brittany chivalrously gestured for me to go first. "After you, mi-lady." She said in a fake British accent.

"Thank you, kind woman." I replied in kind and carefully sat on the back of the sledge.

"You don't wanna go in front?" Brittany asked in her normal voice again. "I've been up front for most of the rides already."

"Mh mh." I shook my head happily. _I like sitting behind you, letting you lead and feeling your muscles work as you stir the sledge._

"Okay then." Brittany just shrugged and got on in front of me. She scooted back a little until her back was firmly pressed against my chest and her ass fit snuggly between my legs. I curled my arms tightly around her middle. "Ready?" she asked, half turning her head.

"Ready." I smiled, kissing her cheek and then resting my head against her left shoulder.

"Here we go!" She exclaimed, grinning, and I felt her thighs and ass and abs and even her whole back tighten as she powerfully pushed us off.

And down we went.

And my heart jumped as we screamed.

* * *

Lunch, as always, was delicious at the Pierce house and after our energy-consuming morning outside, Britt and I dug in like we had barely escaped death from starvation.

We had quickly changed into some dry clothes when we got home. Brittany's leggings were only a little bit too long for me, but her baggy dance-hoodie I wore over a simple thigh long top made me seem comically small. I didn't mind however, since I liked the feeling of wearing her clothes and she kept telling me how cute I looked.

Once we were dry and warm again, we'd gone down to set the table and now we were all gathered around the table, eating the formidable lasagna Anna had conjured up in the kitchen.

Emily was chattering on happily, explaining the complicated relationship between two of her stuffed animal key chains she had been allowed to bring to the table, and Mr. and Mrs. Pierce were pretending to listen with great interest.

After we had all finished our meals Brittany and I offered to help with the clean-up and Mrs. Pierce said that that would be great since they had promised Emily's friend Tanya's parents that they would be there around two so the kids would have a few hours to play before the Pierces would head home for dinner again.

I was jumping up and down internally at the information that Brittany and I would have almost the entire afternoon to ourselves in the house and Brittany, too, couldn't refrain from throwing me excited glances.

We finished our kitchen duties in a hurry and wished Emily a lot of fun on her play date with Tanya. Brittany had the sense to ask her mum when they would be back – around five – before we excused ourselves and made our way up the stairs as inconspicuously as possible while barely being able to stifle our excited giggles.

Finally we were in Brittany's room again and she closed the door and leaned against it with a sigh.

I was still giggling a little and sashayed back to her with a lop-sided smirk. "Soooo, what now?" I asked, leaning against her.

She bit her lip and grinned down at me as I pressed her against the door with my body. Wiggling her shoulders up and down, she answered, "Dunno, any ideas?"

I hummed in my throat and kissed her lazily. "Oh, plenty."

"S'that so?" she asked a little quieter, her lips moving against mine as I hovered.

"Mhm." I confirmed lowly, before running my hands up from low on her hips to the ribs just under her breasts.

"Mh, and what ideas would that be?" she murmured as I nibbled on her jaw. Brittany tilted her head back a little, leaning it against the door, and my pulse quickened at the invitation. Whenever she offered herself to me like that it made my heart jump. It was just incredibly intimate and sexy, that tiny little gesture.

"It's a surprise." I purred in a rough voice and her throat bobbed as she swallowed thickly. My words had turned her on just like I had wanted them to, and not only had I managed to cause a little shiver and goose bumps on her neck, but I could feel her nipples harden where my chest was pressed against hers.

I hummed a little moan and quietly sucked on her neck, right in the middle between her chin and the dip between her collar bones. She loved it when I did that and like always the effect was immediate as she sucked in a breath and then moaned loudly and arched against me.

"Shh." I ordered her to stay quiet, as I heard her parents rummaging and talking in the hallway below and her sister running up the stairs. I knew Emily wouldn't try to come in here, she was most likely on her way to get her present for her best friend or just to get some warm clothes, so I went on riling Brittany up.

It was fun seeing her struggle as she tried to keep quiet, although we had often been in much juicier situations, pun intended.

Right now however, Brittany seemed to have to do her best not to cry out, as I scraped my teeth down her neck and bit her collar bone, while my hands teased under her jumper and shirt and my fingernails lightly scratched over her abs.

My tongue teased between my teeth and then licked the spot I had just bitten as I released the skin. Her breathing was already ragged and uneven and her upper body pressed against me with every new heave of her chest.

"Almost gone…" I sing-sanged quietly, as Emily's footsteps raced past Brittan's room and down the stairs. A second later the Pierces could be heard putting on their coats and shoes and Brittany and I remained unmoving until we finally heard the front door open and then swing shut.

"Yes! Finally!" Brittany exclaimed on a heavy breath and a relieved moan followed instantly. She grabbed the jumper I was wearing by the hem and yanked it over my head.

I would have chuckled or laughed at her neediness, but I was too busy ripping her clothes off as well.

In a matter of seconds we were both down to our underwear and Brittany dominantly walked me backwards until my legs hit the bed. Again.

I resisted for a moment, teasing her, and she growled and strongly pushed me onto the bed.

I loved that wild side of her. Before two months ago I had never seen that side of her at all and then, suddenly, it had come more and more to the surface, showing Brittany's need, her desire to have her way with me. And now I couldn't get enough.

I couldn't get enough of the way she looked at me, with her eyes so dark and fierce that they held me in place. I couldn't get enough of her prefect lips that so demandingly stole kiss after kiss. I couldn't get enough of her teeth that claimed me without asking, her hands that roamed without waiting for permission, her body that mercilessly pressed me onto the mattress, and her toned, powerful leg that now pushed mine open, because she wanted me. Because she _needed_ me. _Needed_ to have me. _Now._

God yes, her ruthless ways turned me on, because she was so sure, so cocky and convinced that she didn't _need_ to ask, because I'd give myself to her willingly.

She was right of course. In this moment I was prepared to give her anything she asked from me. Or even if she didn't ask… I'd give her anything she wanted.

"I want you." She growled desperately, and then grunted when I bit her lower lip hard.

Her hands were iron cuffs around my wrists and I gave her a smoldering look as I pushed against her hold on me. "Then take me." I surprised myself by rasping.

_Am I into being dominated now or something?_

The answer was clear when I moaned in pleasure when she tightened her fingers around my wrists, pushing them into the mattress for emphasis, and then bit the side of my neck before sucking it bruisingly.

Arousal shot through me like a bolt of lightning and I arched against her, my body begging her to claim it.

The bras, they had to come off, now! Everything needed to be taken off! I couldn't wait another second to feel her, all of her, against me, on me, in me.

"Britt!" I moaned, my back still arched and my head pressing into the mattress as she harshly kissed her way across my neck. "Please- I need to feel you!"

She moaned now, too, and then her hand pushed behind my back and unclasped my bra with practiced ease. I quickly lifted my arm, now free from her grip, and wanted to undo hers as well, but she leaned back immediately, sitting up until her panty-clothed crotch pressed against mine, and caught my hand in hers again.

"Nuh uh! I want you to stay down. Don't move!" She ordered bossily, and I had to bite my lower lip to stifle another moan. _Fuck, this is so hot!_

"Okay?" she raised an eyebrow at me expectantly. _She's so fucking gorgeous. So beautiful!_ Her hair was a mess, although probably not as much as mine, and her cheeks were as red as her lips. The look in her eyes was almost feral, if there hadn't been that touch of love and caring that always shone through.

"Okay." I breathed, giving in to her.

My promise to obey her was enough and she reached behind her back and opened her bra with a single movement. As she threw the article of clothing to the floor, my eyes were already glued to her breasts. Her perfect, beautiful, round breasts.

This little game we were playing must have turned her on like crazy, too, because her nipples were already hard as stones and the pink skin around them was pebbled from arousal.

It was the most breathtaking sight and I almost didn't notice her bending forward to tug the loose bra that was still covering my own breasts away from my chest.

Once we were both naked safe for our panties, the atmosphere changed. There was no more role-playing, she wasn't the dominant one anymore and I wasn't submissively at her mercy.

It was just her and me. Just Brittany and Santana. Just us. And our love for each other.

Slowly, gently, she let her hands run over my shoulders, over my collar bones down to my breasts. My nipples hardened in her palms and my heart hammered at the look of complete wonder and astonishment on her face.

After a moment of gently massaging my breasts, which almost caused my heart to stop, her hands moved on in their way to explore my body. They stroked over every inch of my stomach, tracing the shadows in the dips of my hip bones, and circling my navel twice, before finding their way back up over my sides and ribs, until they came up over the top of my breasts and then came to rest over my chest.

It had been worship. I had been worshipped by Brittany's hands and I felt unsettlingly emotional as I looked up into her eyes. They were now staring at me, gazing into me, and I stared back.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I couldn't form any words. Brittany didn't need my words though. She silently bent down and kissed me.

It was a chaste kiss, only lips pressing against lips, but it spoke all those things I couldn't say.

Then Brittany shifted off me and stretched out beside me, her right hand resting on my stomach and her left one supporting her head. I looked up at her and she kissed me again.

"I love you." She whispered.

My heart raced.

"I wanna make love to you, San."

My heart raced faster and my breath faltered, escaping me in uneven waves.

"Can I make love to you?"

I choked on a breath and then whispered in the smallest voice, "Yes."

Her smile was bright and shone so much love on me that I thought I would start to cry.

I didn't, however, instead I leaned up and kissed her deeply. My hands wound around her neck and then I pushed against her and she let me roll us over.

When she was on her back I looked down at her. "I love you, too."

She grabbed my head and pushed my lips onto hers in a fierce kiss. Her tongue slid into my mouth and she loved me with it.

I pulled back to breathe and then bent my head down to first nibble on her earlobe and then suck just below, where her pulse beat fast and steady against the sensitive skin.

Needing to feel more of her desire, I pushed her legs apart with my left knee. Her panties were sticky and she was hot underneath them, hot and wet, and I _had_ to feel her on my skin.

I reached down to pull her underwear off and she helped me, wiggling out off them and then kicking them away, before tugging on mine as well. We quickly got rid of those too and then, finally, I lowered myself onto her again.

Both of us moaned and sighed as my thigh pressed firmly against her centre, parting her folds, and her wetness coated my hot skin.

"Oh god…" Brittany groaned and I let my head hang until my forehead touched her shoulder, panting against the curve between her shoulder and her neck. A fine layer of sweat already moistened the skin there and I licked it lovingly, then sucked it, as I shifted until her thigh was positioned between my legs as well.

She pushed up without me having to ask and a little cry escaped me as her strong thigh muscles rubbed against my exposed and aching clit.

"Fuck…"I muttered weakly against Brittany's neck and after a second in which I listened to our racing hearts and ragged breaths, we slowly began to rock against each other.

It was sweet pain as her hot thigh pressed against my pulsing bundle of nerves over and over in a frustratingly slow rhythm, and I whimpered when an especially powerful push made a wave of sparks shoot up my spine, making it arch back.

I desperately picked up the pace and rode her thigh faster, but kept a constant beat to it that she followed with her hips, raising them up in time with my leg that pushed between hers.

The hard prominence of her wet clit against my skin almost drove me insane and I bent down and captured her lips in a searing kiss.

It was all tongue and teeth and loud, unrestrained moans.

The movement of our bodies made my breasts swing and glide over hers and when our nipples touched the white-hot pain made me cry out in surprise. I was way too sensitive by now and every touch, every contact shot prickly sparks of pain and pleasure through me, making the knot in my lower stomach tighten powerfully.

Brittany sucked in a loud breath and then moaned high-pitched, pressing her head into the mattress, when I deliberately rubbed my nipples over hers again. I sucked her neck hard and thrust against her with more determination, my pulse racing in my ears and chest.

"Ah- sh-shit, San!" she exclaimed as my powerful pushes made her whole body rock up and down on the bed. "Yes!"

Her abs rippled and her breathing came faster and faster until every pant was accompanied by a high-pitched sigh.

She was close and I wanted to push her over the edge so badly, but I slowed down so the moment would be that much sweeter for her when it finally came.

"No! No no no, don't slow down!" she moaned, opening her eyes and staring at me desperately as I lifted my head to look at her. So beautiful!

"You're perfect, you know that?" I told her breathlessly.

She whined and closed her eyes again, swallowing dryly, as her hips kept bucking up against me, begging me to keep going, to give her that sweet release.

I held my rhythm steady but slower now and it was pure delight, pure sex, the way her entire body moved against me, demanding attention and that final explosion, out of her control.

"San-" she sighed again, her head once more tilted backwards, exposing her neck to me. "Please!"

Hearing her strained begging almost pushed me over the edge and I had to shift so my throbbing clit wasn't pressed to her thigh anymore.

I kissed her neck again, then her jaw, nibbling a little, and then found her lips. I sucked the lower one long and hard until her panting was uneven and high-pitched again.

God, how I loved her.

My entire body hummed and buzzed and tingled, and then I pushed my tongue into her mouth one last time, kissing her breathless, before drawing a trail of kisses down. Over her neck, nibbling and biting, over her collar bone, dragging my teeth, and lower to her wonderful, soft breasts. I kissed each one, paying close attention to leave not a single bit of skin out, and then took her nipples into my mouth one after the other. She arched and whimpered feebly, and I sucked and bit them until she couldn't do more than breathe sporadic sighs of pleasure. I kissed lower.

When I had come so low that I had to shift away from her to go on, she protested weakly, but I quickly repositioned myself between her legs and she stiffened in anticipation when she felt my hot breath over her centre.

"Yes! God, yes!"

My hands, that had been holding me up all this time, finally cupped her now wet breasts like I had wanted to do all along, and Brittany arched and pushed herself against them.

It was all so overwhelming, the feel of her rock-hard nipples pressing into my palms, her rippling abs against my forearms, her thighs quivering against my upper arms and the side of my breasts.

Her scent. Her wetness, her heat.

The beauty of her folds, of her hard, needy clit so close to my face made me moan and the breath of air that escaped me made Brittany cry out again and buck her hips up, almost pushing herself into my mouth.

I launched forwards, not able to control myself any longer, and finally took her between my lips. At the same time I squeezed her breasts hard and she shouted some indiscernible words as she shook against me.

She was so close.

Her clit pulsed inside my mouth, rapid and powerful and I sucked it hard.

By now Brittany was almost sobbing and I felt heady from the rush it gave me to please her this much.

I pinched her nipples and she jerked and cried out again. This time it sounded like my name.

My heart pounding inside my chest, my senses overloading on Brittany, I tried to take it all in. Her smell was dizzying and I wanted her so much.

I _needed_ her so much and I was desperate to be closer.

I wanted to be inside her when she came undone. _Had_ to be inside her when I would finally push her over the edge.

My left hand pinched her nipple once more, eliciting another small cry and a twitch, and then quickly stroked down.

"Oh god, yes!" she panted over and over, restlessly twitching and shifting as I teased at her opening.

Her clit was throbbing furiously inside my mouth, where I was still manipulating it steadily with my tongue, and I felt her abs tighten to stone against my forearm, announcing her pending orgasm, when I pushed two fingers inside her.

Her mumbling stopped as she hardened everywhere and arched her back powerfully, and my own clit pulsed painfully as her pleasure turned me on beyond words.

Where my hard nipples rubbed against the mattress, sparks of arousal flew everywhere, igniting my whole body and making me moan against Brittany's clit.

The vibrations it caused pushed her over, and as she choked out a loud cry, I quickly twisted her left nipple painfully and thrust my fingers deep into her, curling them, hitting her G-spot once, twice, three times before her legs and upper body lifted off the mattress completely and she was rocked by wave after wave of her powerful release in mid-air.

I watched her face in wonder as the pleasure ripped through her and it stole my breath.

Hers had been stolen too, her lungs constricting from the explosion of feelings as she was thrown into the sweet abyss, and the sight of her open, unbreathing mouth was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I kept my fingers inside her, kept massaging that golden spot and kept loving her clit in my mouth, until she collapsed back onto the mattress with a shattering cry as her breath returned in painful sounding gasps.

Her body was jerking in spasms and her moans were weak and stuttering as her desire kept washing over my mouth and hand, coating me in her sweetness.

Her arm fell down and her hand weakly patted until it found my head. She pushed feebly and I released her jumping love-bud from my lips, stilling my fingers inside her.

I was breathing so heavy I was starting to feel light-headed, but at the same time everything was sharper, more real than it had ever been.

After a few moments her hips stopped twitching and her hand fell down onto the mattress next to them, releasing my hair, stripped of all remaining strength.

I carefully, breathlessly, made my way up to her until my head was at level with hers.

My eyes couldn't keep from roaming her face, her body, as it was still being controlled, shaken by powerful aftershocks.

She was too beautiful. How could I ever grasp her beauty and save it in my memory?

It was almost frightening, but I knew I didn't need to remember it. I would see it for the rest of my life. I was sure of that.

She still pulsed around my fingers and I didn't want to move. Ever.

Her eyes were closed and her breathing was normalizing, as I watched her expression.

She looked so content, so … fulfilled, and I couldn't believe I had given her that.

Slowly she turned her head. A lazy smile preceded the opening of her eyes, but once she gazed up at me I fell into her. Into Brittany. Into safety. Into…

"I love you." I said, and I heard my voice catch as if it wasn't me who had spoken the words.

Her eyes closed again and her smile widened, before she looked at me again. "I love you, too."

* * *

Sooo? 

I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it ;) 

I'm curious to read what you guys have to say about this chapter so leave me a review :*

Till next time, my darlings!


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks so much for the lovely reviews guys, can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. A lot of development in this one.  


Enjoy :*

* * *

**Chapter 7**

My eyes couldn't keep from roaming her face, her body, as it was still being controlled, shaken by powerful aftershocks.

She was too beautiful. How could I ever grasp her beauty and save it in my memory?

It was almost frightening, but I knew I didn't need to remember it. I would see it for the rest of my life. I was sure of that.

She still pulsed around my fingers and I didn't want to move. Ever.

Her eyes were closed and her breathing was normalizing, as I watched her expression.

She looked so content, so … fulfilled, and I couldn't believe I had given her that.

Slowly she turned her head. A lazy smile preceded the opening of her eyes, but once she gazed up at me I fell into her. Into Brittany. Into safety. Into…

"I love you." I said, and I heard my voice catch as if it wasn't me who had spoken the words.

Her eyes closed again and her smile widened, before she looked at me again. "I love you, too."

* * *

I leaned down and kissed her. Slowly, softly. And then I carefully pulled my fingers out of her, instantly missing the intimacy of having that immense connection. She shuddered and a little sigh hushed over her lips as my hand brushed against her clit.

"God, I wish you wouldn't have done that." she moaned lowly, her eyes closed, as I reached down and pulled the warm blanket over us.

Confused, I gave back, "What? Brush against you?" I was debating whether to apologize or tease her about her over-sensitivity with a smug line about me being so awesome in bed or something, when she already answered.

"No." she opened her eyes and those blue eyes stared right at me and made me forget everything else. "I wish you would have let them stay there a little longer."

My heart rate picked up and I smiled, my eyebrow twitching in amusement. Did she really just say that? I let out a little sigh and rested my head on my upper arm. _How can she be so perfect? The things she says… how is she doing this to me? I've never felt so…loved._

Her eyes ran over my face, making me feel a whole different kind of naked than I already was, and then focused on my lips. "I love feeling you inside me." She added quietly, almost shyly.

This elicited a little nervous chuckle, first from me then her, but the atmosphere remained intimate and honest.

After a moment in which we just gazed at each other like the two idiots in love that we were, I leaned forward and gave her a soft mouse kiss. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" I asked with a soft smile on my face, warmth still comfortably twirling inside me.

I leaned on my elbow again as Brittany chuckled and then slowly shook her head. She smirked up at me. "You're such a sweet-talker."

I let my mouth fall open in mock-offence. "Am not!" Then I couldn't help but gaze at her again, seriously and with my heart still pounding from the connection we had shared. The connection we _still_ shared, as my heart beat only for her. Like always.

It was true, the words I had said had been sweet._ Any_ words I could think of right now to describe her were sweet. I wasn't sweet-talking her, however. She was breathtakingly beautiful and I wanted her to believe me.

"I mean it though, B. You _are_. So very, heart-achingly beautiful." I whispered to her, my lips brushing her ear as I leaned closer, my hand coming to rest on her warm waist.

She didn't say anything, just blushed a little and tried to hide an embarrassed smile.

I grinned. Making her blush made me ridiculously happy.

She bit her lip and then looked up at me again, still flushed.

"See? I told you." She said so softly that I almost didn't understand her. A strand of her hair got caught in her eyelash and I lifted my head off my right hand to brush it behind her ear while my other hand drew a small circle on her stomach.

"Hm?" I asked a little side-tracked, my brows furrowing slightly.

"I _told_ you that you wouldn't hurt me anymore." She said, staring intensely at me, into me.

Her words simultaneously let joy and regret rise within me and for a minute I didn't react at all, just staring back at her.

_Anymore._

That word hurt as it reverberated inside my head. She hadn't meant to, I was sure, but in saying that she had admitted, despite what she kept telling me, that I had hurt her before. So many times. And knowing that, having her confirm it, made my heart bleed.

But her words also reminded me that things were different now and that my fear, my numbing dread, hadn't come true.

I wasn't hurting her _now. _I wasn't running away, or shutting her out, or denying her the love I had always felt for her but had never let her see. Had never let either of us see.

Now it was different. _We_ were different. And that meant everything to me.

"Didn't I say _I_ wanted to make love to _you_?" Brittany chided me gently, bringing me back to earth, back to her.

I swallowed thickly, my smile wiped off my face.

This was completely new to me. To both of us.

Suddenly I realized something else that had changed. Not just the 'not-turning-away' part was different now. Finally I understood that we had never done this before. We had never _made love_ before. And we had never loved each other after the way we did now. With words and confessions and looks of adoration. And this mind-blowing, scarily intense intimacy.

"Are you okay?" she asked me in a whisper. Then she shifted a little to her side and stiffened when my palm accidentally brushed over her mound, close to where she had said she wished I had remained.

Pulling my hand a little higher to stay in the safe zone, I searched for an answer and found only one.

"I'm more than okay, Britt." I confessed, watching my fingers as they drew a little heart around her belly button. An intense wave of happiness washed over me and brought a broad smile on my face. "I love you so very much."

Our eyes met. And then…

And then I started laughing.

I didn't know why, but suddenly the euphoria, the relief and the incredible bond I felt with her that made me feel things I couldn't even comprehend, let alone explain, were too much to hold inside any longer and it all came bursting out in the form of carefree, tear-inducing laughter.

Brittany jerked surprised and then yelped, as her movement and my laughter that shook through my body caused my hand to stray too low. "San!" she exclaimed, half-amused, half-bewildered, and grabbed my wrist, keeping my hand still and then cradling it between our bodies instead.

"Sorry! Sorry…" I apologized, still giggling, and entwined our fingers. Brittany let me, but kept staring at me in utter confusion.

I pressed my lips together to tame my giggling. "Sorry." I said again, this time blowing out a steadying breath as I finally regained some control.

"What was that?" she asked, her look of bewilderment the most endearing thing in existence.

"I just…" grinning, I snuggled closer to her until I could softly kiss her on the nose. "I'm really happy." I shrugged lightly.

"Oh-kaay?" she frowned. So freakin' cute!

"C'mere…" I beamed, and began wiggling my arm underneath her head. She lifted it and then curled up against me. Letting go of her hand, I lay back on my back and then wrapped my left arm around her shoulder as she snaked her right leg between mine and her arm over my middle.

And as she nestled her head into the crook of my neck, I was positive I had never felt so content in my life.

Everything was so perfect right in that moment and I couldn't quite believe it all was real just yet.

* * *

For a while we just lay there, wrapped up in each other under her warm duvet, and enjoyed the silence. We didn't need words anymore to make the other know how we felt. Or at least words wouldn't be enough anyway, so we were happy just holding each other.

I lazily drew little patterns up and down her back and right side, and she hummed every now and then, making me smile.

Glancing across the room to where Brittany had hung the ugly wooden clock Puck had made her in wood shop for her birthday our last year of middle school, I saw that it was already a little before three. The Pierces had been gone for almost an hour.

"Wow." I marveled aloud. "Time really does fly when you're having fun."

"Hm?" Brittany's head lifted off my chest. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were bright and alive and her beauty just made me happy.

"We've been busy for almost an hour." I informed her in a soft voice, a small grin tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"Huh." Was her only response and then she shifted and rolled on top of me, careful to keep the covers around us. I folded my hands over her muscular back and bit my lip, smiling down at her, as she rested her chin on both of her hands over my sternum. "That's a first. Usually we're more ones for the hot and fast kind of sex." She remarked with interest.

"Yah, well that was before." I replied quietly.

She gazed up at me for a moment before asking gently, "Before what?"

Her head moved up and down as she spoke, her chin pushing her hands against my chest. It looked really cute and the pressure felt soothing somehow and my heart rate slowed before it could even really take off.

"Before I knew that I loved you. Before I understood how to love you right." I answered honestly.

Her only reaction was a smile, but it was one of the Brittany ones. One of those that ignited a fire inside me and made me feel everything at once without scaring me.

I loved those smiles, but when she still hadn't said anything after what felt like three hours it was becoming a little awkward.

My hands that had unconsciously come up to play with her tousled hair fell away from her and drew nervous patterns on the warm sheets below us.

"Well…um…" I said a little uncomfortably when the silence dragged on. "I…" my eyes searched the room aimlessly for something to talk about, a new topic that didn't involve me spilling my heart out every five seconds.

"I definitely am glad that LT apparently decided to stop cock-blocking me." I improvised out of the blue.

_What? Really? Jesus, Santana!_

Brittany raised an eyebrow at me.

"Um, I mean-"

"Oh, I know what you mean." Brittany smirked. "But, honey, I'm afraid this time you can't pin it on Lord Tubbington. The last few times were all on you, babe." She said, pressing her lips together in a 'deal with it' way which couldn't quite hide her grin that made my mouth drop open defensively.

"What?" I gave back a little high-pitched. _Seriously?_ "I- but _he's_ always the one-"

Her grin broadened shamelessly.

"He-"

"He what?" she asked with a little laugh. "_He_ wasn't the one being too afraid of himself to sleep with his girlfriend."

_Ouch._

My heart sank and this time I wasn't sure if I shouldn't actually feel offended. I looked at her incredulously. Was I missing something or was she really just throwing my insecurities in my face?

"I-" I shook my head, not sure what was happening. Britt was still resting her chin on my chest, totally relaxed and grinning up at me. "That is so-"

"So what?" she asked innocently and almost a little provocatively.

"So…just totally insensitive!" I blurted out with a frown.

In a second her expression changed and it went from grinning cockily to confused and then to a wide-eyed shocked look. Like the one you get when you have that second of horror where you're not sure if you've left the gas oven on or when you realize you accidentally offended a disabled person or something along those lines.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed in a whisper, her head jerking up. She leaned up on her elbows and stared at me, shaking her head. "No! San, that's not- I didn't mean it like that! God, I'm sorry, I just meant- I just wanted to tease you a little cause you're always so cocky around everyone else but you're really just, like, a big softy when you're with me, which I love, I just…oh my god, I didn't mean to- I didn't mean to hurt you or anything I just- I was just teasing, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking! I'm-"

"Stop, it's okay." I interrupted her, holding my hand up and then cupping her cheek with it. "It's okay. Really."

I was still a little shocked by what she had said, but the real reason why my stomach was in knots at that moment was the heartbreaking look on Brittany's face. She was close to tears and her lower lip was trembling. _God, she's really upset!_

"I'm so sorry, Sanny, I didn't m-"

"No, hey! Hey, it's alright, really. I'm fine." I tried to convince her, wiping away the sudden tear that spilled over. She tried to avert her gaze but I cupped her other cheek as well and forced her to look at me. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it, I was just- it came across a little…" I wiggled my head. "You know…"

She nodded her head in my hands, another tear rolling down her nose and dropping onto my chest. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry…" her voice broke and then her face screwed up as she tried to stop her lip from trembling.

"Oh god.." I murmured and sat up, gathering her into my arms. "Shh. It's okay, I'm okay."

The blanket slid down and pooled around our waists.

"I didn't-"

"I know you didn't mean it, Britt. Shh, come on."

Her chin resting on my shoulder, she hugged me tightly and even though we were both still naked, sex was the furthest thing from my mind at that moment.

I rocked her from side to side for a little until she had calmed down. I didn't know what to say. She had gotten so upset so fast and I really wasn't entirely sure why.

She drew back and wiped the wetness off her cheeks.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, dipping my head a little to catch her eyes. She looked at me and nodded meekly. She still looked so apologetic and it warmed and broke my heart at the same time.

"I really didn't mean to make fun of the way you felt, San." She said quietly, her gaze dropping to her hands which were on her thighs. She was picking her nails and I covered her hands with mine.

"I know. You'd never do that. That's why I was so surprised." I assured her. She nodded and swallowed visibly, still not looking up at me.

I tried to catch her eyes again, but she didn't look up at me. "Britt…"

"Do you hate me now?" she asked in the tiniest voice.

"Wha- jesus! No, of course I don't hate you, Britt!" I said almost indignantly. _How can she even __think __that?!_

"No, okay, maybe not hate me, but…do you…do you, like, feel like I betrayed your trust? Cause, like, that was really bad, what I said and I really didn't mean it and you opened up to me and you told me all that amazing stuff about you being scared of hurting me and now I- I just, I don't want you to think you can't trust me and that you can't talk to me like that again, I just…"

She was rambling, and the more she said, the more she got upset again. So much so that my heart sank as her voice caught and her shoulders shook with a little sob.

I wordlessly pulled her into another hug and waited until she had calmed down again, drawing soothing circles on her back and cooing in her ear while she fought the tears.

This was a little surreal, I thought. Here we were, sitting in Brittany's bed, naked, after just having had sex, holding on to each other as Brittany cried over accidentally having been insensitive.

I shook my head at the insanity of it all. Was this what being in a 'normal' relationship was like? _Cause I gotta tell ya…that's pretty freakin' weird! She didn't even __mean__ to insult me. Why is this killing her so much?_

"Hey, Britt." I hushed, gently pushing her back enough so I could look into her eyes. "Why is this upsetting you so much? I said I was fine. I know you didn't mean it." I frowned, trying to understand.

"I just…I don't want this to be why we break up." She got out between two sobs.

_What? What the- just…huh?!_

"Wh-" I shook my head, now completely lost. "What are you talking about? Break up? Of course we're not breaking up! Geez!"

"Yeah, not now…but-"

"But what? Why the hell do you think we'll break up? Because of what you said? That's ridiculous, Britt, you didn't even mean anything by it!"

"I know, and I didn't, but I… I broke your trust, San." She said desperately, her watery eyes shifting between mine. "And that's like… that's horrible and that's what destroys relationships!"

"But…" I didn't know how to reply to that. She was right, breaking someone's trust was definitely poisonous to a relationship, but I hadn't even considered this to be a trust issue. I guess now that she said it I slowly saw what she meant. She had kind of broken my trust and maybe, somewhere down the line, this could have gotten us into trouble if I had just bottled it up.

Stunned into silence by what she had, once again, understood perfectly clearly before it had even crossed my mind, I just stared at her. She was without a doubt the smartest person I had ever fucking met and I just couldn't believe how she seemed to know everything about relationships when I didn't know my face from my ass.

She was staring at me as well and her expression became more worried by the second. "Oh god, I'm right, aren't I? You can't trust me now!" she wailed in a hoarse voice, throwing her head back in despair, and I reflexively shook my head and squeezed her hands which I was still holding.

"Hey! Whow, back up there for a sec! I do, okay? I do trust you and I wouldn't even have thought this was such a big deal if you hadn't said all that stuff about trust and how it could come back to bite us in the ass." I said, keeping my eyes locked with hers.

"Look, you just…" I picked up her hands and looked at them in mine, still baffled by her incredible insightfulness. "You just don't even know how fucking smart you are, do you?" I finally asked her, gazing into those deep, blue eyes of hers.

Her head bobbed back in confusion and her brows furrowed. "What?"

"You, Brittany Pierce, are so fucking amazing and so fucking smart and I just can't even believe you!" I said, and just then a smile crept onto my face. Brittany, on the other hand, looked more lost than ever, sniffling quietly.

"Britt, you see things, get things that I wouldn't even think about." I explained. "Do you think I would have ever thought so far ahead, let alone understood, what consequences a little moment like this might have on us in the future?" I asked rhetorically, and then proceeded to answer my own question.

"No! Of course I wouldn't. I'd never make that connection! But you! You just see things like nobody else does like it's no big deal and that's why you're so amazing, Britt! Don't you get it? I'm not worried about us ever breaking up because of some stupid shit either of us say, because you're totally just gonna call us out on it the second we do, and then we're gonna talk about it and we'll just sort it out right at that moment and then we'll be just fine!" I ranted exhilarated.

The revelation that Brittany was basically the couples counselor we'd now never need was the most exciting and also the most reassuring thing I thought I had ever discovered.

My girlfriend was a relationship guru and I couldn't believe how lucky I was. _I_, who was terrible at all that stuff, had the incredible fortune to be with someone who had it all figured out.

"I don't- Sanny, I don't understand what you're saying." Brittany said softly and she almost looked a little scared.

Okay, maybe I was a little overexcited about this, but come on, wasn't she just the greatest?

Forcing myself to calm down, I took a deep breath and then lifted her hands to my lips. I kissed them lingeringly and then met her unsure eyes again.

"B, what you said to me…yeah that hurt a little and I guess it was kind of like breaking my trust, but the second I saw that you didn't mean it, the second you apologized I would have just pushed it away and forgotten about it, because I know you'd never hurt me on purpose." I said, and this time I was calm and steady as I tried to explain how amazing, how important what she had just done really was.

"But you're right, maybe in a few days or weeks or maybe even later, something could have come up again. Something that was really bothering me and that I was feeling insecure about and maybe I would have, like, unconsciously felt like I shouldn't tell you because you might say something like that again." I shrugged and she bit her lower lip, worry lines appearing on her forehead.

I wanted to kiss them away, but I knew that my next words would do the same, so I went on.

"But you wouldn't let that happen. You didn't let me just shove it away to come up at the worst possible moment. You saw the danger behind the small moment and you went to make it right. To kill it before it grew."

I saw that I was losing her again with the metaphor so I tried to simplify it.

"Look, sometimes there are little moments and little feelings that nobody thinks are important, but which grow into big things over time, like anxieties and phobias and trust issues, and then it's really hard to get rid of them again. But you…you see those little moments and you understand how powerful they are. I think this might have been such a moment, Britt, and because you, like, instinctively understood what it could grow into, you held onto it until I could see it too. And I do, and now we can kill it together." I smiled at her and then, I think, she got it.

She smiled back, slowly, carefully, but her eyes shone brighter and her face lit up.

"Okay?" I asked happily. Brittany nodded and I squeezed her hands one more time before taking her head into mine and pulling her in for a kiss.

The kiss was warm and freeing, and we lingered, just lips pressing against lips.

When we pulled back simultaneously, her insecurity was gone and had been replaced by visible joy and excitement.

"How do we kill it?" she asked me in an eager whisper, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. She was too cute, with her eyes all wide and serious, a look of innocent wonder on her face.

"I think we might have already." I gave back lightly.

"Oh."

She looked almost disappointed and I had to laugh again.

"Come on." I said, still grinning broadly, and motioned for her to come cuddle with me under the blanket again. "Let's get our cuddle on for a bit before your parents come back home."

"Okay." She chirped, any trace of her distress gone, as it only happened with Brittany. I swear, Britt could bounce back from an upsetting emotion quicker than Karl the Koosh could bounce off a wall.

My blonde unicorn grabbed the other corner of the blanket as I took the one nearest to me, and together we pulled it over our bodies as we snuggled close to each other.

Brittany sighed as she nestled into me and I closed my eyes as the feel of her skin against mine made everything so right.

I kissed the top of her head, basking in the breathtaking scent that was Brittany, and held her close with my other arm around her waist.

"I love you, you know that?" I mumbled quietly against her hair.

She smiled against my chest and nodded just a tiny bit. "Yeah, I know."

I grinned. "Cocky." I snorted and then added, "Now, don't go holdin' that against me though. I can trust you with this information, right?"

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed incredulous, leaning on her elbow and gaping at me. I started giggling and winked at her, which made her smack my arm.

"Ou!"

"You are such an asshole!" she complained, but behind her scowl I could hear laughter.

"And you are so easy." I gave back sassily. Brittany huffed, her mouth still agape and her eyes unbelieving.

"You-"

She smacked me again and I giggled and tried to roll away. Of course Britt was on me before I could even turn to the side.

"Evil!" she laughed as she sat astride me and caught my hands that were trying to push her off. I was already giggling hysterically, but when she reached down and started tickling my sides I lost it and squealed loudly.

"AAH! NO! No, get off! AH- B-Britt, St-STOP! Aah!"

She was laughing happily and had both my wrists pinned down with one hand while the other continued making me squeal and wiggle, but all my efforts remained fruitless. Brittany was just too strong.

Even when I bucked up in a desperate attempt to roll us over, she just roughly pushed my hips back down and shook her head.

"Nuh uh! You're not going anywhere until you say sorry!" she demanded, her hand hovering over my ticklish spot. She wiggled her fingers and arched a brow challengingly. "Well? What's it gonna be, San?"

I pressed my lips together and shook my head, but as she went in again, I quickly shouted, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry!"

She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Really! I'm sorry!" I repeated and then struggled against her hold on my wrists. "Now get off me."

"Mmmmh, no." she said simply.

"What do you mean 'no'? I give up, okay? No get your fine bod' off me before I make you."

That 'threat' caused Brittany to throw her head back laughing, but when I tried to take advantage of the moment and get my hands free, her grip tightened.

"Britt, come on!"

"No." she shook her head, smirking down at me.

"But whyyyy?" I whined childishly.

"Because," she started slowly, "I'm not finished with you yet."

Her voice had taken on that low, dangerous tone and her eyes glinted as she gave me a lop-sided smirk.

_Oh, fuck!_

Immediately the atmosphere changed and I could practically hear the air sizzle around us from the heat that coursed between us.

It shot through my body as well and my breath hitched as I became painfully aware of the fact that Brittany's very naked, very sexy body was currently pressed against mine and that her fingers, that just a second ago had been threatening to tickle me, were now teasingly walking down the valley between my breasts.

* * *

Another half hour later I was leaning against the headboard, two pillows propped behind my back, and lazily watching Brittany play with Karl the koosh.

After the mind-blowing orgasm Brittany had skillfully coaxed from within me – which had taken her not nearly as long as it had taken me, because I had still been buzzing from before-, we had cuddled a while and then she had suddenly jumped up and gotten the rainbow koosh from her desk.

Now she was leaning against my side, her head on my stomach, and twisting and kneading Karl between her fingers.

As always watching her play with the little koosh left my insides tingling comfortable. Even now, after just having come harder than I had in weeks.

"I pretended he could talk." Brittany informed me matter-of-factly and I averted my gaze from her fingers to the top of her head. Her golden blonde hair shimmered in the rays of the winter sun that shone in through Brittany's bedroom window.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, gently letting my fingers run through her soft hair.

"Remember when you gave him back to me?" she asked, turning her body a little sidewise and glancing up at me.

I nodded and hummed affirmatively.

"Well, at home I asked him to tell me what you had said about me." She explained with a small smile as she recalled those days that seemed so far away now even though it had only been about a month.

A warm smile appeared on my face as well. "You did?" I asked touched, continuing to stroke through her beautiful blonde strands. "What did he say?"

She grinned and looked back at the koosh, snuggling into me again as she rested the hand she held him in on top of the duvet that covered me from the hips down.

"Oh, he told me everything." She said playfully. "All about the way you gazed dreamily out of the window and about how you couldn't stop talking about me. He told me that you chatted his ears off, telling him how awesome I am and how you totally love me and how I'm the Arielle to your prince Eric." She giggled.

I laughed. "He did, huh? Wow, and he _promised_ me he wouldn't tell a soul!" I joked, running my right hand down her arm until I could prod Karl the koosh through the gap between her thumb and her palm. "Traitor!"

Brittany giggled freely and hid Karl away from my poking finger under the blanket. Then she turned her head again and grinned up at me, the happiness shining on her face.

"He was my spy all along." She said proudly, with a childlike glint in her eyes.

I chuckled soundlessly, the motion letting my abs and Brittany's head on them tremble. Brittany squealed and rubbed her ear on my stomach. "That tickled!"

That made me laugh even more and she grunted playfully and pushed herself up with her free left hand next to my right waist.

I looked up at her and she quickly leaned down and kissed my nose before slowly inching Karl out from under the covers and then teasingly dragging him up my still naked body, first circling my navel and then rolling him further through the valley of my breasts.

I followed his path with a raised eyebrow, a low tingling in my stomach making me slightly uncomfortable as this was definitely not something I wanted to get turned on from.

"Britt…" I warned and caught her wrist when she wanted to let him wander back the way he had come up. She laughed lightly at my hard stare but lifted him off my skin nonetheless, gently tapping him against my forehead once with a grin, before throwing him onto her desk chair.

"There." She said conciliatory. "Traitor's gone."

"Thank you." I replied formally and then smiled at her with laughter in my eyes.

This was one of the many many things I loved so much about Brittany. She was a kid at heart and that kid always managed to coax out my own inner child and convinced it to come play. And what could be more carefree and joyous than being kids again and playing with your best friend?

"If you want I'll even give him a time out for betraying you." She offered me generously, her flawless 'play-pretend' poker-face firm in place that so many others mistook for seriousness, and therefore stupidity.

_If they only knew…_

"Nah, that's okay." I gave back, tugging on her elbow to come lie down on me again. "He was only doing what you told him to do, so if anyone, I think you should be the one to get punished." I suggested, not able to hide my grin as well as Brittany.

Her face was dead-serious as she shook her head importantly and replied, "I can't be punished. I'm the queen." As she lowered her head onto my chest.

"Oh." I smothered a laugh. "Well then I guess nobody's getting a time out."

She hummed and nodded while my hand stroked down her naked back, the backs of my fingers gently running over every part of her warm, soft skin they could reach.

We lay there a little while longer until Brittany breathed in heavily and then sat up, stretching elaborately to my immense enjoyment.

"We should get dressed." She said, looking down at me. "Mum, dad and Emily are gonna be home soon."

I checked the clock on the other wall again. It was twenty to five.

My heart sank a little as I felt sad that our time together was almost over. I didn't want this day to end.

"Come on." Brittany said gently, obviously having picked up on my change in mood, and then kissed my temple and swatted my arm lightly before getting up.

I groaned and deliberately pushed out my lower lip, watching her as she bent over to gather up the clothes we had managed to spread all over her room.

"But I don't wanna." I whined in a childish, stubborn voice.

Brittany turned around to me and snorted at my pout. When she raised her eyebrows at me and put her hands on her hips I almost faltered, the grin tugging on my lips.

"Santana." She said in a playfully stern voice. "Get out of bed right now and get dressed before my parents come home and find you in that compromising position!"

My brows shot up in surprise at her choice of words and she finally cracked a grin. "I overheard mum say something about hoping to never find us in a compromising position in bed when she and dad were talk the other day." She confessed explanatory.

"Ah." I nodded understandingly and le t my grin spread as well.

Brittany tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at me contemplatively. "I'm not really sure what that means though. I mean, this doesn't even have anything to do with music."

It took me a second to catch up with her. "That's com_posing_, Britt. Compromising means, like, a dicey situation. In this case it means that she doesn't wanna catch us having sex or almost having sex and I second that whole-heartedly by the way." I said, a little shiver running down my spine at the thought of either of our parents walking in on us.

"Oh…" Brittany said lengthily. "Yeah, me too! Ugh…" it was amusing to see her grimace at the idea as well.

While Brittany began dressing herself, I finally got up, too, and looked around for my own clothes. Well, the clothes that Brittany had let me borrow after our snow-adventure this morning. It took me a while to find the top which had somehow landed between some books on Brittany's shelf, but the rest of my clothes were quickly located and picked up from the floor and I started pulling them on as well.

"Hey! So I still need to give you your present." Brittany suddenly remembered and I pulled down the big jumper over my head and looked at her. She was beaming at me from where she was fixing her hair in front of her vanity mirror.

_Shit, I totally forgot about that!_

Of course I had remembered to bring Brittany's present this morning and it was still safely tugged away in my big purse, but now I was getting nervous again about giving it to her.

Quinn had assured me that she'd love it and that I should quit being such an insecure baby, but I couldn't help the quiet distress that slowly manifested itself inside me.

"Uh, yeah." I mumbled, failing to conjure up the enthusiasm Brittany clearly wore on her face.

She didn't seem to notice however, as she bounced up and down, clapping her hands with the brush in it, before setting it down in front of her and skipping over to her open closet door. "No peeking!" she ordered strictly, before vanishing inside the walk-in closet.

My heart rate tripled. "What now?" I squeaked alarmed, tugging my hair out from under the jumper's collar.

"Of course now! It's already way past Christmas morning anyway." She said impatiently.

"Not _way_ past." I grumbled under my breath as I shakily stalked over to my purse and retrieved the little wrapped up box from inside. Brittany either didn't hear my comment or ignored it, because other than a little rustling there was no reply.

Biting my lower lip, I smoothed out the little maroon bow I had tied on top of the present, and then turned to face the closet.

"Are you ready?" Brittany called from inside and I faintly remembered a comment she had made during one of our phone-conversations about me having to be there for the gift exchange.

_Holy shit, she's not gonna come out dressed as a dominatrix, or something, right?!_

I started panicking, but before I could spas out too much, Brittany emerged from the tiny room, singing a proud, 'ta daaa'.

"Oh my god…"

Brittany had indeed changed into something else. However, it was not at all what I had expected.

Instead of a sexy, but quite frankly way too early, presentation of her hot body in a leather outfit, she wore a flattering raglan shirt with moss green sleeves and a white middle part with a picture printed over her chest.

It was a picture of the two of us, snuggled close together and grinning into the camera, looking happier than I ever remembered seeing us on a photo before.

"Well? Do you like it?" Brittany asked a little shyly and I noticed that I must have stared at her.

"Yes!" I blurted out, still a little shocked at the surprise. "It's- it's amazing." I gushed over the shirt, walking over to her and admiring it from closer.

But slowly confusion trickled in. "Uh… but I don't get it. Is my present that you're wearing it?" I asked carefully. "I mean, not that it's not great, you look awesome, but-"

"No no!" Brittany laughed, obviously relieved at my reaction. "I made you one too, of course!" she said happily and whipped another shirt out from behind her back.

It was almost identical to Brittany's, but its sleeves were my favorite dark red, and the picture wasn't exactly the same either. It was candid and in it, Brittany and I were laughing freely, the camera having caught us dancing.

"When was that?" I asked awestruck, marveling at the picture in wonder. On Brittany's shirt we looked definitely, insanely happy, but on this one we looked… in love.

"My mum made it at the family get-together on my sweet sixteenth." Brittany answered softly.

"Wow…" I murmured, running the fingers of my left hand over the print of the picture as she still held the shirt out to me.

"Yeah." She agreed quietly and then shifted from one foot to the other. "Um…there's more." Brittany confessed and when I looked up at her, her expression was as nervous as I had felt only a few minutes ago.

"More?" I asked, curious as to what might have her biting her lower lip like that.

"Mhm. I- um…I wasn't sure if I should do it, but then I- um…well-"

Instead of finishing her stuttering sentence, Brittany turned around to face away from me and my confusion lifted as I saw the back of her shirt.

"Oh."

There, in bold, cursive letters, stood only one word.

_**Santana's**_

I stared at my name on Brittany's back and couldn't grasp it for a minute. Was this really happening? Had she really done this?

"Um, Sanny?" Brittany's voice called to me. Unsure. Timid.

I took in a loud breath and then gently touched her elbow. Slowly she turned around to me and met my eyes, searching for my reaction.

She couldn't see it, so I shook my head lightly and said it out loud. "I love it."

Her shoulders fell as she let out the breath she had been holding and then her expression turned from worried into relieved and happy and I smiled along with her.

"Oh good! Cause I was afraid you might hate it and that it might be too soon, but, like, we don't have to wear them in public or anything if you don't want and we can jus-"

"Britt, stop." I interrupted, grinning bigger than ever. "I _love_ it." I repeated, emphasizing the word, and then I leaned forward and kissed her.

I kissed her hot and long and with all the love I had and Brittany let me, even pulled me closer, until I was reminded of the box in my hand as it pressed against her abs.

"Mh!" Brittany had noticed, too, and quickly disengaged from me. "Oooh! Is that_ my_ present?" she asked unnecessarily, her eyes huge and her expression over-enthusiastic as she eyed the little rectangular present.

I chuckled and nodded, only a small amount of my previous nervousness fluttering in my stomach.

"Yeah, you want it?" I teased grinning.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Brittany cheered, jumping up and down in front of me and biting her teeth together in excitement.

"Okay then." I laughed and gave her the present, grinning as she blindly handed me my shirt, her eyes already gazing at the little wrapped up box.

I watched her apprehensively as she carefully undid the little bow and then tore the Christmas-themed paper off.

The small box was black and velvety and her lips parted a little as she stared at it and then up at me.

I swallowed, feeling a little jittery after all, and stared back at her. "Well, open it!"

She did and then gasped. "Oh, San!"

I was picking my nails and gnawing my lips as she carefully fingered the golden necklace out of its soft cushion. "It's beautiful." She breathed, catching the small heart locket in her hand and softly running her thumb over the little flowery ornaments covering its edges.

"It opens." I said quietly and she glanced at me for a second, her eyes showing wonder and love, before she daintily pried the locket open.

Inside was not a picture as you would expect, because it was a little too delicate, a little too small for that – great job, whoever designed that by the way - , but instead I had gotten it engraved.

"Forever yours. Proudly so." Brittany read aloud and then, slowly, her lips formed into a trembling smile. "It's perfect." She whispered shakily and then she whirled around and drew me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you so much, Sanny! I love it!" she whispered into my ear and the thickness of her voice made a thickness appear in my throat.

"Merry Christmas, baby." I gave back just as breathily and then her lips found mine.

This kiss was different. This kiss_ felt_ different. But for the life of me I couldn't have explained why.

* * *

"When do you have to be home again?" Brittany asked from behind me.

We had cleaned away the wrapping paper from my present to Brittany and then I had exchanged Brittany's top I had borrowed, for my new shirt, while she had pulled on the necklace over her head.

Happily displaying our mutual professions of love, we were now sitting on Brittany's bed and she was gently trying to French-braid my hair.

"I don't know. An hour's probably cutting it pretty close." I answered quietly, the way Brittany's fingers ran through my hair relaxing me and making me hum contently.

She gave a little unhappy grunt, but thankfully didn't stop the soft ministrations of her hands.

"I wish you could stay here tonight." She mumbled, carefully tugging on a strand of my hair to get it to where it was supposed to be.

"I know." I gave back quietly. "Me too."

I tried to turn my head to look at her and give her a little kiss, but she made a protesting sound and kept my head facing away from her by cupping my jaw from the side.

"Don't move! I'm not done yet!" she ordered and I obeyed with a hidden grin.

"Sorry."

She got back to work, but a minute later her phone vibrated next to my thigh and I picked it up to hand it to her, but when my eyes accidentally read the name on the display I froze.

Motionless I stared down at the phone in my right hand.

_Patricia. _

I tried to hide all of the emotions running through me - anger, disbelief, annoyance, jealousy, hurt - , while Brittany continued braiding my thick hair. "Who's it from?" the blonde asked from behind me.

I took a second to reel in my temper and calm myself down, before answering as unfazed as possible. "Patricia."

Brittany's hands froze for a moment in my hair, before they went on fingering the strands apart. "Oh."

Wordlessly, I held it to my shoulder so she could take it but I felt her shake her head. "I'll answer her later." she said simply and I put the phone back onto the mattress.

I managed to keep the thoughts and comments that ran around my head inside, but the atmosphere had changed nevertheless and when Brittany pulled the scrunchies from around her wrist and tied my hair together with it, I was a little relieved that she was finished.

"There. Done." She said and let her hands fall down onto her thighs on either side of mine.

"Great. Thanks." I said, lifting my left hand to feel the braid. As always it seemed to be perfect and I gave Brittany a small smile as she looked at me expectantly. "Feels great." I repeated softly.

She smiled at me and tilted her head. "Wanna do mine now?" she asked, her eyes innocent and hopeful.

"Sure." I replied, trying to ignore the weird feeling I had inside that created this distance between us.

Or maybe I was just imagining it as Brittany sweetly kissed me on the cheek and then stood up from the bed. "Awesome! I'll get some more scrunchies from the bathroom."

"Kay." I nodded and watched her as she walked out of the room. The second she was out of sight however, my eyes fell onto the phone next to my right leg.

It felt as if it was drawing me in, calling to me, and I balled my hands into fists and tore my gaze away from it.

_Don't!_

But the pull was too strong and before I knew it I had snatched Brittany's phone up and touched the display.

It lit up and her name stared up at me again. It mocked me and whispered things to me as an inner battle erupted.

_You can't do that! You can't read her texts! That is _so _unethical. – But we always read each others texts – that's different! She's not __showing __it to you! – It shouldn't matter. I'm her girlfriend! _

My thumb hovered over the phone, indecisive, while my heart hammered inside my chest.

_That doesn't give you the right to invade her privacy like that! - Well Patricia doesn't have the right to invade our __relationship __like that and apparently Britt's fine with that too, so – Don't! – I have to! – Santana Estrella Lopez!_

"San? What are you doing?"

My heart stopped and my head shot up. Busted. _Fuck!_

Brittany scowled and strode over to me, snatching her phone from my useless, frozen hands.

"Were you reading my texts?" she asked incredulously, staring at me with a look as if she didn't recognize me anymore.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

"I- uh, I just-" I stammered helplessly, staring up at her in shock.

"You did, didn't you?" this time her voice sounded not only shocked, but hurt.

"No!" I shook my head fiercely, desperate to stop the train from crashing, even though it was inevitable. "No, I just- I-"

"I can't believe you'd do that! What the hell, San!" Britt fumed outraged, tossing her phone and the scrunchies she had gone to get, angrily onto the bed behind me.

I stood up, still shaking my head, as my blood raced through my veins to the galloping rhythm of my heart beat.

"I didn't read anything!" I burst out, my voice high and anxious.

"Yeah, but you were about to, right?" Brittany accused, still glaring. She crossed her arms over her chest and I felt dread spread over me.

_Fuck! Fucking dammit! Idiot! Apologize! _

_Now!_

"Well, you and I always read each other's texts, what's the big deal?" I gave back defensively and then struggled not to strangle myself as Brittany gaped at me in disbelief.

_That's not apologizing, you fucking-_

"Excuse me?"

Panic rose icily inside me and I was desperate to find my way out of the grave I was rapidly digging for myself.

"I mean-"

"_What's the big deal?_" she repeated my idiotic question back to me, and by now she looked like I was an ugly alien.

"Well, you broke my trust too earlier, so we're kinda even, ri-"

_**No! What the hell?!**_

I gasped, swallowing the last word, as Brittany's mouth fell open and she took a step back, completely bewildered by this stammering fucking asshole that stood before her.

_Take it back! Take it back! For god's sake, turn back time and punch yourself in the face!_

"I'm sorry!" I cried, clapping both of my hands in front of my mouth and staring at Brittany in horror. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that! Oh fuck! Britt, I- I didn't mean any of that!" I stammered panicky, but Brittany just shook her head and walked out of the room.

I ran after her, but she loudly banged the bathroom door shut behind her and locked me out.

_"__Fuck!"_ I hissed burying my face in my hands as I slumped against the bathroom door.

From inside the bathroom I could hear Brittany sniffling._ "Fuck!" _I repeated as I ran my hands through my hair and grabbed it, turning around.

"Britt! I'm sorry! I'm a fucking asshole, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean any of that, I was just saying those things, cause…"

_Well why? Why the hell would you do that?_

"I…I don't know, I'm just a fucking, miserable idiot and I am so sorry! Please, don't cry! I didn't mean it!" I rambled desperately, my forehead and hands pressing against the door.

All I heard was another sniffle.

"God, I'm so sorry, Britt. I just…"

I needed to explain to her why the hell I had said the things I said, but I had no clue. They had come tumbling out of my mouth while my head had shouted something completely different at me and I didn't know what was wrong with me to cause such a breakdown in basic communication.

"It's just that when I saw that that Patricia girl had texted you again I got so… I…she just- Ugh! It just makes me crazy when I think about the two of you texting and talking and just…I don't know! But that doesn't excuse what I did! I didn't read anything, but I was thinking about it and I shouldn't have done that! And I should never have said those things! They just…they just came out and I'm so sorry! Please believe me!" I pleaded as tears streamed down my face.

Suddenly I heard something on the other side of the door and I could only barely lift my forehead away from the wood before it was yanked open to reveal a red nosed, watery eyed Brittany.

She was still furious by the looks of it, and I shrank back as she strode out.

"You know what, Santana? That jealousy bullshit is getting so old!" she threw at me, her eyes glistening. "I would never cheat on you and I don't understand why you just don't trust me!"

She threw her hands up helplessly and stared at me, more upset than I had seen her in a while.

"I-I do." I gave back quietly, but before I could even really get the words out she went off again.

"No, you don't, San! You don't trust me and I don't know why! If you did, Patricia wouldn't bother you this much." She shot at me and I had to admit that she had a point.

Why did Patricia bother me so much? The answer came to me as soon as I had asked the question. Because she had clearly been interested in Brittany.

"I just…she obviously likes you." I explained, shrugging my shoulders. The attempt at my defense felt feeble and Brittany crushed it in a second.

"So? Even if she did, why does that matter? I still would never do anything with her. I don't like her like that. I don't want her. I just want _you_!"

Her words were frantic and frustrated and then she just looked tired. Her entire body deflated once she had said her piece and she just looked at me, her eyes sad.

"I just don't understand why you don't trust me." She said again, and this time, as her small voice broke, my heart did too.

I gathered her into my arms and she let me. And as I stroked her back and she hugged mine, I tried to find the answer.

But what if I didn't want to know?

* * *

So what's the verdict? Both girls had some bad word vomit there. What's your opinion on how they're handling it?

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and have something to say about it :) Can't wait to read your thoughts on it!

Love you all! Next chapter next weekend ;)

:*


	8. Chapter 8

Hey guys! So sorry for leaving you hanging last weekend. I got tons going on at the moment and i'm afraid it'll stay like that until mid-october, so I might not be able to upload another chapter next weekend.

Hope you enjoy it anyway and have something to say about it...

* * *

**Chapter**** 8**

After a minute Brittany leaned back and we both wiped away the tears that had escaped us.

"I _do_ trust you." I said quietly, my voice rough from the throat-tying emotions.

Brittany scoffed quietly and looked to the side, but I caught her hands in mine and squeezed them. "No, Britt, but I _do_. It's not because I don't trust you." I said honestly. "It's because…I don't know, I think it's because I just still can't believe that you're really mine now. And that it'll stay like that." I confessed in a small voice.

It was true. Most of those amazing moments we had shared since we got together had often been accompanied by this dreamlike feeling, this sense that it was too good to be true.

On those rare occasions when I had been completely sure of us, completely sure that we'd be together forever, I had merely eclipsed the dreading feeling that lay beneath it all for a moment, but it had always come back. The fear that I would do something to screw it up. That I was _already_ unconsciously doing something to screw it up.

Call it self-hatred or self-sabotage, but I had never thought that Brittany would be at fault when we would break up. And sometimes, in my darker moments, I thought it was an inevitability.

Even now, when I outwardly blamed someone else, Patricia, for something that hadn't even happened yet, I still felt deep inside me, in my heart, that I was doing something wrong that would make Brittany not want to be with me anymore sooner or later. And I prayed this stupid self-deprecating fear of mine wouldn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Brittany hadn't really reacted to my confession other than shaking her head a fraction, probably over my crippling self-doubt. _I get it… this really is fucking frustrating. Why can't I just enjoy it when something good happens? Ugh, I don't know how, but I'm sure it's somehow my parents' fault._

I sighed. "Britt." I cooed and tried to catch her eye. She avoided me and so I just stood there, holding her hands, and went on. "Look, I'm sorry, I just get caught up in my fears sometimes. You know me." I smiled slightly to lighten the mood. "I'm not one for believing in happy endings."

Finally she looked up at me, but her sad expression wiped the smile off my face. "But San, I don't understand. I mean, like, you gave me _this_," she let go of my left hand and closed her fingers around the heart locket I had given her that lay over her chest. "and it says that you're mine forever, so how can you say that, if you don't believe in it?" she asked, her blue eyes questioning.

I swallowed and then glanced to the locket. "Because I meant it." I hushed. "That's not what I'm not sure about, Britt. I knowthat I'll always be yours and that nothing will ever change that. I'm a thousand per cent certain of that. I just…" I trailed off, dropping my gaze.

"You just don't believe that I will always be yours, too." Brittany softly finished my sentence.

I swallowed thickly but couldn't say anything, still avoiding her eyes. I couldn't even nod, and maybe that was because I was too ashamed and too angry about the answer.

For a while neither of us talked.

Brittany only wordlessly took my other hand in hers again and the feeling of her thumbs brushing over the back of my hands and the light pressure of her grip somewhat calmed the storm inside me.

I didn't wantto feel this way. I didn't want to doubt us. To doubt _her_, but I couldn't stop.

"So you don't trust me, but you want to?" she asked after a while. Instantly I wanted to protest that it wasn't about not trusting her, but maybe it was.

Hell, what did _I _know. Slowly it was all becoming so confusing and I couldn't sort out my feelings anymore. I couldn't tell her what exactly I thought would happen and I couldn't tell her if I had doubts because I didn't trust her, and if so, then why. I just didn't know and trying to figure it out was starting to hurt my head.

"Maybe. I don't know." I frowned exhausted and looked up at her. "I just…I- ugh!" Frustrated I let my head fall back. "I'm sorry." I repeated for what felt like the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes and it came out strained and whiney because of the way the weird angle of my head put pressure on my throat as I groaned.

"Well…" Brittany began and I thought I heard some underlying tone in her voice. But when I brought my head back down to look at her she looked as serious and morose as before, causing my stomach to clench.

"There's another thing I don't get though, San. How can you doubt that I'm yours? It doesn't make any sense." She frowned as if trying to figure me out.

"Britt-" I started with a sigh, wanting to explain that I knew it didn't make any sense, but that that was just the way it was, but she interrupted me.

"No, but San, it doesn't make any sense. I mean, you've seen my shirt."

And just then I recognized her poker-face for what it was right before it cracked. Her eyes twinkled before a tentative grin spread on her lips, and I sucked in a breath and blew it out in disbelieving relief.

"You are _un_be_liev_able." I exclaimed with a quiet laugh.

Her grin broadened impossibly and she squeezed my hands and intertwined our fingers. She laughed softly as I shook my head at her sneakiness and gently rocked our arms back and forth, pulling us a little closer together.

When she tilted her head and looked at me with so much love, I took a deep breath and let it in, my whirling thoughts finally coming to rest and my deep-rooted fear quieting.

I watched her as she eyed her hands in mine and then looked up, once again serious.

"I'm yours, San. And I'm not going anywhere." She promised, and her eyes confirmed the honesty behind her words as they shone with love and adoration.

I felt ashamed and embarrassed for still doubting our connection when she was so sure and convinced of it, so my gaze dropped to the floor.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like that." I apologized in a whisper, but then I was tugged into her arms.

Brittany kissed my temple and hushed, "Stop apologizing, it's okay. I'll get you to believe it one day."

I smiled against her neck as I hugged her closer.

"And until then, you'll just have to tell me when you feel unsure, okay? And don't do stupid stuff like that again." She chided softly, referring to my asshole move of reading her texts and then trying to turn it around on her.

"I thought you didn't like the word 'stupid'." I mumbled quietly against her skin, internally fighting down the need to defend myself.

"I don't, but in this case it seemed fitting." She gave back lightly.

Chuckling softly at her little reprimanding game, I nodded. "Yeah, you're right I guess. Maybe, I kinda deserve it." I gave in, although I still held on to that feeling of being right in some sense.

"You do." She agreed, but then added seriously, "Just promise me you won't do that again."

"I won't, I promise." I vowed with conviction in my voice, and then leaned back to look Brittany in the eyes. I meant it. Reading her texts without asking was definitely something I didn't want to do again, but still…

"Good." She smiled simply, but then tilted her head at me when I kept staring at her contemplatively. "What?"

Even though I knew I shouldn't have tried to read her texts I still felt that it hadn't been completely unjustified.

_I mean, even if she says that she doesn't like Patricia like that she could still at least get why I don't like her talking with her so much. Aside from all the trust-issue crap I'm dealing with I mean. It's not like I'm totally overreacting. Anyone else might not have resorted to reading their girlfriend's texts but they still wouldn't like her to have a little relationship with someone else like Brittany's having with Patricia, right?_

_But should I really bring that up now when we've finally seemingly come to the end of this argument?_

"San, what is it?" Brittany prodded and leaned a little further away to get a better look at my entire expression.

"I…" _Ah, fuck it, you have a right to speak your mind about this. Just do it gently. No word-vomit this time!_

"I just still think that it's a little weird that you and Patricia talk so much. I mean, you _know_ I don't like her and you know why." I chose my words carefully, but adamantly went on. "She was a complete bitch to me at the party and she totally came on to you and-"

Brittany looked like she was about to interrupt, so I hastily continued my spontaneous speech.

"And I _know_ what you're gonna say. Yeah, we weren't a couple then and I slapped her and blah blah blah, but seriously, Britt, I mean you gotta admit that it was still a shitty thing for her to do to rile me up like that and you just _know_ she did that on purpose." I almost hissed. "It was obvious by the way she smirked when she noticed that she was pushing my buttons."

I was ranting by now and determined to get my point across. I really didn't like Patricia at all.

As I went on Brittany stayed silent, letting me talk, but I could tell by the way she pressed her lips together that she was holding something back. I went on anyway.

"And I mean, it's not even really about whether you like her back or not. Well, obviously I don't want you to like her back, that would be…just…anyway," I shook my head, trying to get back to my point. I had let go of Brittany's hands somewhere during my rant, needing both of mine to gesticulate wildly.

"It's about you knowing that I don't like someone and still acting like they're your best friend! I mean, obviously I'm not saying that you can't talk to the people I don't like_ at all_ anymore. We're not in kindergarten after all, and that would leave you with almost nobody to talk to since most people are dick-heads in my opinion, but I mean you could at least dial it down a notch when you know that I don't like that person."

By now I was pretty sure Brittany was stifling a grin, her left eyebrow and the corners of her mouth twitching tellingly, but I ignored her. The fact that she was apparently taking this lightly, however, encouraged me even more to freely speak my mind, because I was pretty sure that she wouldn't take offense in whatever I had to say now.

"You know, if there's someone you don't like I don't happily go out shopping with them either!" that made her snort, "I would probably rather punch them than make them my new cell phone buddy!" Now her grin was firm in place and it spurned me on to continue in almost ridiculous ways. Importantly, I added, "It's about respect, really. About respecting your girlfriend and having her back and-"

"Okay okay!" Brittany put her hand over my mouth and laughed. "I get it, I get it!"

"Gmmh!" I mumbled behind her hand. She grinned, her eyes sparkling in amusement, and let her hand fall away.

"Good." I repeated haughtily once I was free to speak again.

"Can I talk now?" she asked, chuckling breathily.

I shrugged, indicating she should go ahead, successfully keeping up the pretense of still taking this all deadly serious.

"First of all, nice rant. Really, very impressive." She tried to get a smile out of me, but I remained stone-faced.

"Second of all, I think it's time."

That made my poker-face crumble as I furrowed my eyebrows. "Time for what?" I asked confused but curious.

"Time for me to show you something." Brittany answered and grabbed my left hand, starting to pull me towards her room.

"What are you doing?" I asked lost, but she just smirked at me.

"Come on." Brittany tugged me inside the room and then let go of my hand as she went over to retrieve her phone from the bed.

As soon as I understood what she was about to do I stopped on my way over and shook my head, lifting my hand.

"Whow, hold up! No, no, no, I don't wanna read'em. You don't need to show me, really, it's okay!" I tried to convince her, suddenly very adamant not to do the thing that had brought about our argument in the first place, but Brittany insisted and told me to go ahead once she had scrolled up to the very beginning of their conversation.

We sat down on the bed next to each other and after glancing one more time at Brittany and receiving an encouraging nod, I started reading through their messages, frowning, while Brittany watched.

"Britt-" I tried, feeling uncomfortable as my original suspicion seemed to be spot on.

"Just read on. It gets better." She grinned and I continued.

The first few texts were quite flirty as I had suspected, although Brittany had never really flirted back to her credit, which gave me greater satisfaction than I cared to admit.

As Brittany had promised, however, the tone of the conversation soon changed and I found myself blushing in embarrassment.

I saw Britt looking smug out of the corner of my eyes and couldn't blame her.

After finishing their entire exchange, I silently handed the phone back to Brittany and she raised her eyebrows at me, a warm expression on her face.

"See?" she asked softly and I nodded. There was no more smug glee in her face and I was thankful to be spared the additional shame.

Initially Patricia's texts had all consisted of complimenting Brittany and asking her how her day had been and quite obviously coming on to her, but then Brittany had mentioned me in one of her replies and from then on Patricia's real face had shown.

She had kept telling Brittany that I was obviously in love with her and that she had seen that the second she had seen us dance together at Sam's party, and when Brittany had written that she wasn't sure if I'd ever figure it out, Patricia had told her not to give up on me and had encouraged her to hint that she knew I was into her.

Even though every now and then she had still been flirtatious, which I came to suspect was just how she was, and even though she had defended me by saying I was just unbelievably slow and stuck in my own head, which I probably rightly took as playful banter towards me, Patricia had basically been rooting for us all this time and I seriously couldn't have felt more like an idiot if I had tried my best.

"Told you she's a sweet person." Brittany smiled and swayed gently against my shoulder so I'd look up at her.

When I did, I found her looking at me in amusement, but also with more love than I could fathom.

"Still jealous?" she asked quietly and I shook my head.

"No. But stupid doesn't even cover how I'm feeling right now." I confessed and then groaned when Brittany chuckled and pulled me into her arms again.

She hugged me tight and then whispered in my ear, "I called her, too, and told her about us. Guess what she said."

"What?" I mumbled curious.

"'Wow, took her long enough.'" She repeated Patricia's words into my ear and then giggled.

I shook my head and groaned.

Delighted by my embarrassment, Brittany beamed at me as she leaned back, and cupped my face in her hands. "She says she and her sister are making bets about how long it'll take you to propose to me." She grinned and then kissed me. "Maggie thinks you'll do it when we're twenty-three, but Trish is sticking with twenty-five and a half. And Roland thinks I'll have to do it cause you'll be too chicken." She informed me before kissing me again.

My face felt incredibly hot in her hands and I leaned back, frowning. "They're taking bets?!" I asked horrified and Brittany nodded happily. "What the hell?" I snapped, feeling like my whole personal life was on display all of a sudden. I didn't like that feeling, I can tell you. Nope. Didn't like it at all.

"Mhm." Brittany confirmed again and dropped her hands into my lap, taking my hands into hers and starting to play with my fingers, apparently completely amused by the situation and my reaction.

"That's not- that's- who the fuck are Ronald and Maggie anyway?!" I burst out, in lack of something better to ask. I was a little speechless if I was being honest.

But could you blame me? In the last five minutes the whole damn universe had shifted! Patricia wasn't trying to steal Brittany from me, she was actually rooting for us, and now Britt tells me that she's even betting on my love life with two other people? What the hell was going on?

"Maggie's her sister and Roland is Maggie's boyfriend." Brittany filled me in, watching me with a smile. It must have been quite the sight too, seeing various emotions and question-marks dance on my face.

"I think I'm getting a head-ache again." I murmured finally, giving up on wrapping my head around all of this new information, and blinking repeatedly as the confusion slowly ebbed away. My brain, however, still felt a little fried.

Brittany giggled and gave me another mouse kiss.

"You're cute." She said and I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop from smiling back at her.

* * *

It wasn't long until her parents and Emily came back and soon after that I told her I had to get home.

Brittany made a pouty face, but said she understood as she brought me to the door.

We kissed goodbye, a lingering, sweet kiss I didn't want to end, and then I left for home, my still slightly damp clothes from this morning packed away in a plastic bag, and the shirt Brittany had given me for Christmas safely hidden under the baggy hoodie she had lent me.

I wasn't embarrassed to wear the shirt, which said _**Brittany's **_on the back, matching hers, but I didn't want to provoke my mum either and challenge her decision to try and support me by throwing my relationship with Brittany in her face when she clearly wasn't ready yet.

She was moving in the right direction and I was beyond excited about that, but I also knew that she'd have to get there in her own time.

So for now, I'd just have to try and dial back the 'crazy for Brittany', no matter how hard that would be. _Yah, more like impossible…_

I was glad to see that neither my mum's nor my dad's car were in the driveway already when I came home. I didn't bother checking the garage because only my dad ever used that anyway, and since he never came home before my mum I was sure my parents weren't home yet.

When I had put my coat and shoes away, I went into the bathroom and hung up my damp clothes, before walking into the kitchen and looking around if there was anything else I needed to do before they came home.

Not able to think of any chores I still had left to do, I was on my way up the stairs to my room when I heard the front door open.

I looked over my shoulder and saw my mum coming in, carrying her briefcase and one bag of groceries.

When she saw me she said, "Oh good, you're here! Could you please help me bring in the rest of the groceries from the car, Santana?"

"Sure." I replied, turning on the spot and jogging back down the stairs. On any other day her 'normal' demeanor would have thrown me more, but today I was still so happy and a little buzzed from seeing Brittany and the amazing, eventful day we had spent together, that I didn't speculate what her normal behavior could mean.

Together my mum and I carried another three bags inside and then put everything she had bought away where it belonged. The whole time neither of us talked much, except for little comments on the things she had bought or the weather which thankfully seemed to calm down over-all.

Despite the awkward topics, the small-talk wasn't as uncomfortable as I would have imagined, and I was secretly smiling to myself, seeing today as a big victory on both the 'mum' and the 'Patricia' front.

"So, what did you do today?" My mum suddenly asked and for a second I froze.

When I looked over at her she was just washing her hands and although her back seemed a bit tense to me, the question hadn't sounded insinuating.

_Should I lie?_

"Um…"

She turned around, leaning against the sink as she dried her hands on the kitchen towel, and looked at me.

There was no anger in her eyes and the hardness that had been permanent on her face the last few days was almost completely gone as well, so, going on good faith, I decided to be honest with her.

"I went over to Brittany's."

I swallowed audibly as I awaited her reaction. After all, the last time we had talked about this had been when she had told me I was never to see Brittany outside of school again, so technically I had just confessed to defying her.

My mum finished with the dish cloth and then nodded slowly as she turned to hang it back over the sink.

She was still nodding, a slow, thoughtful nod that made most of her upper body sway with it, as she stared out of the window, and I remained standing on the other side of the kitchen island, curious what would come next.

Whatever I had expected, what my mum asked me next was definitely not it.

"How is she?"

I failed to react at first, thinking I had misheard her, but when she only kept standing there, with her back to me and her hands on the edge of the sink, I gathered the words I had understood had actually been what she had said.

Slightly confused, but positively surprised, I answered, "She's good. She's…yeah, she's good."

My mum nodded and then slowly turned, lifting her eyes up to look at me again.

The way her eyes stared into mine, it just… there was so much _there_, but I couldn't quite figure out exactly what.

"That's good." She said quietly and my heart skipped a beat as I heard the honesty in her voice.

"She asked about you." I said carefully, doing my best to play it cool while my heart was racing inside. "She asked about how you are. If you're okay." Would this be it? Would this be the conversation that changed it all? The turning point? How far could I go without tipping over the delicate balance and making my mum retreat to her former state of mind again?

All these questions were toppling over each other in my head, but a simply gesture from my mum quieted them all at once.

She lowered her gaze and then… she smiled.

I couldn't believe my eyes, but my mum actually smiled.

"That's…" she began to nod, still looking to the floor as she crossed her arms. "That's really sweet of her." she finished quietly and I thought I heard a catch in her voice.

I didn't say anything, at a loss for words, and my mum nodded towards her shoes for another minute, apparently struggling with… _something_ as I caught a quick flash of pain furrow her eyebrows, before sucking in a deep breath and looking up again.

She cleared her throat and uncrossed her arms, as she reached for the empty plastic bags on the kitchen island and bunched them together into a small ball before shoving them in a little drawer at her hip.

"Well I better get started on making dinner." She said, and just like that it was like the conversation had never happened. Her voice was normal as she thought aloud of what to make, and her face didn't show any traces of the unnamed emotions I had seen play over it a mere minute ago.

I was a little baffled and must have not been paying attention, because it took me a moment to realize that my mum was saying my name.

"Huh? Sorry, what?" I blinked the slight daze away and really focused on her face at which I had been staring.

"Are you going to help me cook or is there something else you need to be doing?"

"I…yeah, no I'll help." I nodded, more to myself than to her, and stepped closer to the island. I wasn't sure what had just happened, but I had a feeling to just go with it. "What do you need me to do?"

* * *

In the following days my mum and I seemed to reach a quiet understanding.

I was allowed to go over to Brittany's while my parents were at work as long as I did my chores around the house and was back before they got home, and in turn my mum asked how Brittany was, which I always answered shallowly but truthfully with 'good' or something along the lines, and that was that.

It wasn't exactly perfect, but it was a huge progress as my dad kept reminding me.

I always nodded when he pointed it out because I knew he was right and I agreed. It was great that my mum seemed to slowly open up to the idea of Brittany and me being together, but it still got a little frustrating sometimes that I couldn't tell them about something funny or sweet Brittany had said or done while we were sitting at the dinner table.

Thankfully I still had Quinn though, and judging by the way she sighed 'yes, Santana, what is it?' into the phone as form of greeting, I had probably been gushing about my beautiful girlfriend quite a lot lately.

"Well, hello to you, too, Fabray." I replied with a grin, throwing my purse onto the passenger seat as I got into the car.

She didn't say anything and I was pretty sure she was rolling her eyes.

"Okay, so, I'mma head over now. Do you want me to pick up anything on the way?" I asked, fitting the key into the ignition and turning it halfway. The stereo started blaring some disco song and I quickly turned it down before switching on the heating. Thankfully it hadn't been cold enough to freeze, so a quick wipe over the windshield cleared the thin blanket of soft snow that had gathered there since the night before right off.

"_Oh. No thanks, I think I got everything_." Quinn said, not sounding as annoyed anymore now that she was assured I hadn't called to talk about some other great thing my adorable girlfriend had done. I grinned. _Okay, so maybe she has a point. I mean, I _have_ called her to talk about Brittany three times already today._

"_Wait, could you pick up some juice and soda? I got the alcohol I just forgot to buy something to mix it with._"Quinn added as I shivered and pushed my scarf into the collar of my coat, fighting the cold inside my car.

I snorted. "Wow, going a little Kurt Cobain there? You know, there are groups you can join-"

"_Haha. Just pick up the drinks and get your butt over here._" she gave back impatiently. "_And don't forget the movies!_"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got'em." I rolled my eyes as I turned on the car lights and started the engine. "See ya in a few."

I hung up and leaned over to push the phone into my purse, next to the DVDs Quinn had asked me to bring for our movie night.

It was Saturday evening and since Brittany was out of town to visit family just like Quinn's parents were, she and I had decided it was time for a good old 'Quinntana-movie-night'.

If it had been Brittany's I had asked to spend the night at, I was sure my mum would have forbidden me to go, but as it was she had only told me to have fun and to say 'hi' to Quinn's parents. She didn't need to know that they were away over the weekend and seeing as the Fabrays and my parents never really talked I had no reason to think she'd find out.

Because it was already after eight I had to drive to the gas station to pick up the mixing sodas and while I was there I thought I could fill up the tank as well.

As I was putting the nozzle into the shaft of my car, I heard my phone ring and quickly received it from the passenger seat.

"Hello?" I answered, not having had time to check the caller ID.

"_Hey Santana._"

I frowned. "Uh, sorry, who is this?"

"_It's Ryder._" the caller answered to my surprise.

_Why is Ryder calling me? _

Brittany's dance teacher and I had met on several occasions and I thought she was pretty cool, but I had no idea why she would be calling _me_, let alone how she had even gotten my number.

"_Sorry for calling you, Brittany gave me your number to call in case of emergencies and I can't reach her at home or on her cell._"

Feeling a tingling warmth spread inside my body at hearing the fact that Brittany had named me as her 'emergency' person of sorts, I registered one of my questions answered.

_Aww. Well that's question number two solved, now I'd just like to know why she's calling me._

"That's okay. So, what's up?" I asked, walking back over to the gas hose as it clicked. Smiling, I pulled it out and put it back onto its holder, before turning to get my purse from the passenger seat.

"_I'm not sure if Brittany's told you that we've been asked to dance at the New Year's day parade again this year._" Ryder began and I nodded as I closed the door behind me, locking the car over my shoulder as I walked towards the gas station shop.

"Yeah, she told me. That's great, congratulations!"

When Brittany had told me yesterday that the parade people had confirmed that they wanted her hip hop dance group to perform again like last year, I had vaguely remembered her telling me something about it already, but as I recalled I had been a little preoccupied with my jealousy of Patricia at the time.

Since the Patricia situation was resolved now, I had had a head for what she was actually telling me and so I had been more perceptive to her excitement about the event. And I was beginning to share her enthusiasm. They had already attended the parade the previous year, which took place in Columbus,and I had greatly regretted not being able to go because I had been too sick.

This year however I was really looking forward to getting to see Brittany dance outside of school again for a change.

"_Thanks._" Ryder's voice snapped me out of my thoughts as I passed through the automatic doors and stepped into the warm gas station shop. "_So, I've got two things. First, could you tell Brittany that we'll be doing the extended version of the 'Shatter Dance' and that she can do her solo? I wrote her an e-mail, but she never checks them and like I said, I can't reach her, so it would be great if you could pass that on to her._"

"Yeah, you got it." I answered, letting my eyes run over the assortment of sodas. "What's the second thing?"

"_Brittany wrote you down for a ticket for the after parade event, but she didn't list how many, so I was just wondering if you wanted more than one._"

"Oh." I looked up from the cherry juice bottle I was holding in my hand. "No, tha- wait, can I get back to you on that one?"I asked.

I had been about to say that I definitely didn't need more than one ticket, but then a thought had struck me.

"_Yeah, sure. But I have to pass on the final number of tickets we'll need by tomorrow morning, so could you let me know by tonight?_"

"Sure, I'll just text you as soon as I know. I got your number now, right?"

"_Yeah, it's the one I'm calling from_."

"Great. I'll tell Brittany about the extended dance and her solo and ask my friend if she wants to come to the parade."

"_Fantastic. Good. Well, I gotta go, Santana. Was nice talking to you again. You should think about joining the group next semester, Brittany says you're an awesome dancer._"

I felt my ears heat up as I put the overprized juice back onto the cooling shelf. "Um, I'll think about it."

"_Okay, well, talk to you later, Santana. Bye._"

"Bye." I mumbled into the phone but Ryder had already hung up.

"Oookay." I focused my attention on the task at hand after putting my cell phone away. "Let's see…"

* * *

"Oh wait, let me help you with those!" Quinn exclaimed and nudged the door further open with her elbow while reaching for two of the bottles I was carrying. "Jesus, why didn't you get a bag?"

"Because they were out!" I gave back with a grunt, pushing into the huge Fabray house and towards the kitchen, balancing five bottles and trying to avoid my purse as it dangled from my elbow.

"How many bottles did you buy, S?! Who's supposed to drink all that? Is that red bull?"

I groaned as I heaved everything onto the kitchen counter and then turned to glare at her.

"Can you stop criticizing my soda shopping? If it weren't for me we'd be downing pure alcohol all night." I snapped.

Quinn was unimpressed by my tone as per usual, and continued frowning at the bottles as she added the ones she had taken from me to the others.

She picked one of the ones I had brought in up and looked at it. "I thought we had agreed no more red bull for you." She raised her eyebrows at me.

I snatched the bottle from her hands, getting annoyed by her overbearing behavior. "First of all, it's not red bull, it's a cheap knock-off, and second of all, we most certainly did _not_ agree on that and I'll tell you again that it's none of your business what I decide to mix my booze with!"

"Okay, okay fine!" she gave back, raising her hands. "Just remember that I'm not Brittany, so if you suddenly feel the need to run naked through the neighborhood you're on your own."

"We weren't naked!" I protested, referring to the last time Brittany and I had had too much Jager-bombs at one of Puck's parties and had gotten a little carried away.

"As good as." Quinn mumbled under her breath as she went over to a cupboard and got down two big plastic cups that were hidden behind a pile of expensive china that had probably never been used.

"Aw, our drinkies!" I cooed, completely forgetting my snarky retort, at the appearance of the child cups I had gotten for Quinn and me on my trip to Disney-land when I was six. "You kept those?" I asked, marveling at the colorful hard-plastic pieces of our childhood.

Mine had Stitch from Lilo and Stitch on the outside and the straw that was attached wound up in a spiral. I had gotten Quinn one just like mine, only that hers had Alice from Alice in Wonderland on it and the straw was shaped in a loop.

"Of course I kept them. They were practically our most prized possessions of our entire childhood." Quinn gave back non-gallantly and shrugged as she let her eyes roam over her own cup.

"Man, I totally forgot about them." I said, smiling at my cup and then at Quinn who had come to stand next to me. "This is awesome!"

She smiled back and then indicated to the bottles. "Well, should we get this movie-night started, or what?"

* * *

About fifteen minutes and two warm-up shots of Tequila later, Quinn and I carefully carried our filled-to-the-rim drinkies over into the living room.

"Aah, I see you've taken precautions. Very wise." I grinned at seeing the white and highly expensive carpet rolled up to one side of the room.

"Well, I thought we should try not to get me grounded and give my mother an aneurism this time." Quinn said as she set her Alice cup down on the coffee table, which was also protected from harm by the two kitchen towels that covered it.

I hummed and nodded as I concentrated on putting mine down without spilling as well.

Having two friends over who almost trashed their new TV and hanging upside down over the coffee table hadn't been the only reasons why Quinn had gotten a major punishment the last time Brittany and I had been at the Fabrays' in our freshman year. We had also accidentally spilled something on the carpet which Mrs. Fabray had spent almost one year searching for and had thereby ruined it beyond repair. Apparently the dry-cleaners didn't cut it for over-prized crap like that.

"Good thinking." I praised again and then sank onto the sofa next to Quinn with a sigh.

"So," Quinn leaned forward and opened one of the chocolate bars she had apparently already set up before I had arrived. A nice assortment of snacks and DVDs was laid out in front of us and I reached for a bag of Nachos with enthusiasm.

"So?" I echoed over the sounds of the Nacho-bag as I ripped it open.

"What do you wanna do first? Watch a movie, gush about Brittany, get wasted? Although if you're gonna do the second again I really need you to give me a head start on the 'getting wasted' part."

"Haha." I gave back, rolling my eyes.

Even though I knew she was right to tease me about my Brittany addiction, I refused to acknowledge my 'problem'.

"What? You can't stop swooning over her! I mean, I love Brittany to bits, but I swear if you don't shut up about her amazing smile and beautiful eyes I'm going to kill someone. Preferably you." She ranted exasperated, breaking off a row from the Oreo-filled chocolate bar.

"Shut up! I did _not_ say she has an amazing smile! You're totally exaggerating!" I defended myself, before throwing a handful of chips into my mouth.

Quinn scoffed and drew her legs up under her butt as she repositioned herself and scooted back against the back-rest of the couch. I pulled my legs up too and folded them Indian style as I leaned against the armrest, facing her.

"What! I just said I thought it was cool that she still gets so excited about things we've done a million times."

"Oh please! I think your exact words were 'oh my god, Q, you should see her, it's like the cutest thing ever!'" Quinn imitated my voice in an annoyingly high-pitched way.

"I-"

Quinn raised her eyebrows, challenging me to say she was wrong.

_Dammit!_

I frowned. "I didn't say 'like'." I grumbled, digging another hand of Nachos out of the family sized bag and shoving them in my mouth darkly.

Quinn snorted and shook her head as she chewed on her chocolate.

Even though she didn't say it I could read the word 'smitten' clearly on her face and I just had to set her straight.

"I am _not_ smitten!"

"I didn't say you were."

"And anyway, I don't sound like that." I added in attempt to find some fault in her delivery of my gushing words.

"Fine. You may not sound like a thirteen year old girl but you're certainly acting like one." Quinn gave back feisty and again I didn't have a satisfying comeback so I resorted to the basics.

"Shut up."

Quinn chuckled and exchanged the half eaten chocolate bar for her drink. "When's B coming back anyway?" she asked as she leaned back. "She's coming to Rachel's party, right?"

"Yeah, she'll be back Monday afternoon she said." I replied, feeling a little tug in my stomach at the prospect of almost two more days without Brittany.

"Good. Wanna get ready together here? My parents aren't going to be back until Wednesday at the least." She offered.

"Yeah sounds good, I'll just ask Britt, but I'm sure she'd love that." I said, before having to ask. "How did you get out of going with them anyway? Aren't you supposed to be playing happy family in front of the rest of the Fabray clan?"

This time it was Quinn who rolled her eyes, but not because of me for a change.

"Don't remind me. I can't believe he's still not over this 'pretending everything's normal in public' crap! And my mum just plays along! It's making me furious!" she fumed, and I could tell that the little bit of alcohol we had already had was already beginning to bring out her angry-drunk nature.

"I get it, Q. He's a ruthless ass, but how come he didn't drag you along? I mean, doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? Doesn't really convey 'picture perfect' when the daughter's missing at the family reunion."

"Nope, it does not, but better having the daughter stay at home than have her cough up phlegm at all the dear relatives." She said, still a disgusted expression on her face, as we continued talking about her dick of a father.

Despite her sour demeanor I had to grin at her. "Seriously? You pulled a sicky?"

She shrugged and finally the frown lines on her face smoothed out as drank from her self-made cherry-maracuja-bacardi cocktail again and looked at me over the Disney cup.

"Simple but effective. Back to basics, Lopez. Works almost every time."

I hummed affirmatively and then we both sucked on our straws in comfortable silence until I remembered Ryder's call.

"Oh! Hey, so Britt has this dance thing at the Columbus New Year's day parade and I'm going. There's like this after parade kind of party thing I think and Ryder asked me if I knew anyone else who might wanna go." I said.

Quinn only looked at me, so after a second, I went on. "Sooo, you wanna go?"

"Who's Ryder?" Quinn asked instead of an answer.

"Brittany's hip hop teacher." I replied and Quinn nodded.

"Well?" I prodded again, getting a little impatient with her lack of reaction to my original question. "You gonna tag along or not?"

Quinn put down her cup and I noticed that it was empty already. Frowning slightly at her speedy drinking, I eyed her a little more closely and noticed that she looked a little wary.

I was about to ask her what was wrong but Quinn spoke before I had the chance.

"It's on New Year's day right? So right after Rachel's party? When would we have to leave?"

"I don't know. Maybe around nine or something?"

I really had no idea, neither Ryder nor Brittany had told me at what time the parade would take place, but since it was a day parade I was guessing somewhere around noon or early afternoon. Taking the time it would take us to drive there and the time Brittany would have to be there early to rehearse into account I thought nine was a pretty good guess.

Quinn didn't like the idea of getting up so early after a party apparently as she groaned and pulled a grimace.

"Oh, come on, it's not _that _early. And it'll be fun!" _Watching Brittany dance and be happy is always fun._

"Who are you and what have you done with Santana? Cause the Lopez I know wouldn't get up that early after a party if the house was on fire and her life depended on it." Quinn gave back a little grumpily but over-all not very surprised.

I guessed she already knew the reason I was suddenly immune to the pains of getting up before noon with a potential hangover.

"Come on, Fabray, buck up. It's our senior year. Who knows how many times we'll get to go on a little road trip like that?" I tried to convince her, but I had a feeling she'd be on board anyway.

"Fine, I'll go." She gave in as I had predicted. "But only if you promise the two of you won't behave like annoying teenage love-monkeys. It's getting really frustrating being the third wheel all the time." She grumbled and again her face looked more morose than the situation called for.

"What's with you?" I had to ask. I was used to angry-drunk Quinn, but even though she was drinking even faster than me which was unusual, something didn't seem right. She seemed to genuinely be upset by something and behind the anger I detected a trace of sadness.

"What do you mean? I just said I'd go, didn't I." she said as she leaned forward to pick up the half eaten Oreo bar again.

"That's not what I meant. What's going on? You seem… I don't know, upset about something."

I put my drink and the Nacho bag down and cocked my head at her, but Quinn didn't meet my eyes. Instead she started picking on the couch material with her left hand, a nervous habit she had developed around seventh grade when we had started high school and her dad had began pushing her more and more to do well in school.

"It's nothing. I'm just really not looking forward to a car ride on which you and Brittany list all the things you love about each other while I'm trying not to puke from my hangover." She shrugged and I could tell she wasn't being completely honest.

It was because I knew her so well, that I didn't take offence at the exaggeration of Brittany's and my couple behavior. I knew she was only trying to mask what was really bothering her.

In the same way as I could tell that she was hiding something, I also got the feeling that she wasn't in the mood to share, but I decided to prod one more time before giving it a rest.

"Come on, Q, spit it out. I can tell there's something else going on. Is it your parents? You can talk to me, you know? About anything."

Again, I tried to catch her eyes and this time she met mine. When she looked up, I saw her struggle if she should confide in me and hoped she would.

Even though I had suspected she wouldn't she wouldn't come out with it, I was disappointed when she apparently decided against sharing and just repeated that it was nothing and then asked if I wanted another drink.

Nodding, I followed her into the kitchen and after drinking another couple of shots the weird vibe was gone again and Quinn and I were giggling almost hysterically as we read the back of the DVDs in a deep, foreboding trailer voice to each other as we tried to decide which movie to watch.

* * *

"Sh's not even that hot." Quinn slurred as she gestured wildly at the screen.

"Who?" I asked, jerking my head up a little too quickly and immediately feeling a little dizzy from the fast motion. I had been concentrating on pouring Quinn and me another drink into our Disney cups when her comment had made me look up at the TV. "Who's not hot?" I asked again.

"Well, she!" Quinn exclaimed, again flicking her hand at the TV in a vivacious manner and frowning her tell-tale drunken frown.

"Which one? The one that's gonna get spiked or Katherine Whatsherface?" I implored her to clarify.

"Neither!" she burst out. "I just don't get it."

"Don't get what?" I asked, not understanding what her issue was._ Doesn't she enjoy the movie? But this one was her choice! I chose 2012 and she chose Killers! We were fine with both choices. We totally agreed! Everything's always my fault! Maaan…_

I noticed that I was becoming a little teary, so I tried to shake off my alcohol induced sadness, but again the motion made me dizzy. At least the slight disorientation distracted me from being upset.

"She's just not hot." Quinn repeated, shaking her head as she still glared at the TV.

"_WHO?!_" I yelled, my frustration bursting out.

"The one that-_ that_ one!" she pointed at the screen and I saw just in time as the blonde woman got spiked by the weirdly designed chandelier or decoration piece or whatever it was. To me it just looked like lots and lots of antlers hung up to hang from the ceiling.

"Really? I think she's kinda hot." I mused, looking for the remote control to wind it back so I could really check her out. Somehow I couldn't seem to remember exactly what she looked like since she wasn't in the shot at the moment. Maybe she was already dead. That's basically all I remembered about her anyway. No idea what her name was. Just knew she'd die and look...gross.

_Maybe that's what happens to everybody. People only remember you the way you are when you're dead. God, I hope I die a natural death! I don't want people to forever think of me like with blood somewhere or stuff oozing or…egh, that's too gross! Fernando had stuff oozing from his eye once after ramming that pen in there…his nurse was totally hot. Not as hot as Brittany though! Oh my god, what if Brittany ever got hurt and that nurse tells her I had a crush on her? OH NO! No, wait… that nurse probably doesn't even know that…and anyway Britt might get another nurse, or go to another hospital…or…or…oh my god, but I don't want Britt to get hurt! I don't want her to be in pain! And what if she can never dance again? She'll totally die if she can't dance and then I'll die cause I can't live without her and –_

"What's wrong with you? Why the hell are you crying?" Quinn asked harshly and as her voice slowly dragged me back to the present and my wobbly surroundings I noticed that tears were streaming down my face.

"I don't want'er to die!" I cried desperately and then suddenly the movie got really loud.

"_Fuck! _What the hell, San! Jesus, gimme that!" Quinn reached over and then ripped something out of my grasp.

She pointed it at the TV and it got quieter again. _Oh…remote control…ooops…_

"It's just a movie f'Christ's sake. People die! Is what makesit an action movie." Suddenly Quinn's fierce and angry expression was too hilarious to handle and I was overcome by a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

"Ugh, what now?!" Quinn exclaimed exasperatedly and eyed me intently.

"S-sorry…" I hick-upped and then quieted down while Quinn stared at me over the rim of her drinky. That picture however, made the giggles worse again and it took another few minutes until I had myself under control again.

Quinn meanwhile, had directed her focus back to the TV, but I didn't understand why. The movie was boring and I didn't even really know what was going on anymore.

I knew that I had seen it before and that back then I had pretended to find Ashton Kutcher as ridiculously hot as everybody else seemed to. I mean, yeah, the guy was ripped and quite good looking, but I just wasn't attracted to him. For obvious reasons.

"I like Brittany." I said defiantly. I wasn't going to pretend that wasn't the simple truth anymore. "Not some six-pack movie star. And anyway I don't like his hair. It's stupid." I explained to Quinn but she just ignored me, which made me sad again. Then I remembered that Brittany hated the word stupid and I could practically see her sad face before my inner eye when someone called her so which made me feel like crying again.

The sniffle I let out was apparently loud enough to catch Quinn's attention again and she closed her eyes in a weird way that made me think that she probably wanted to roll them at me but couldn't because that would have made her too nauseous.

"Ugh, okay, 's enough alcohol f'you." She decided and before I could even really grasp what she had said my Stitch cup had been torn from my hands unceremoniously.

"Hey!" I protested strongly, but as I leaned forward to grab it back, I noticed that I was off balance, so I just gently swayed in place to calm down my stomach again. "Okay, yeah maybe you'right…" I mumbled, my eyes fixating on a random spot across the room as I tried to keep as still as possible to make the dizziness go away.

_Fuck, when did I get this wasted?_

"Y'okay?" Quinn more or less gently touched my shoulder. I was aware enough not to nod and merely hummed affirmatively instead. "Jus' gimme a minute…" I slurred and then I felt Quinn lean back on the couch.

"You know, _I_ wanted to be the one getting drunk t'night. You don't even have a reason…I mean, you got your girl."

I hummed again and felt my stomach settle enough to dare nodding slightly. It felt okay and I was relieved that the worst part seemed to be over._ Yes! Didn't puke! Now I just gotta r'member not to drink any more booze…_

"It's not fair. You get everything. You get the girl you like, you get the awesome dad, you get the mum that's coming around, you get everything…"

It wasn't a rant exactly, but I could tell Quinn was really upset about it nevertheless.

Trying even harder to concentrate on what she was saying, now that I had the suspicion this might lead to what was actually bothering her, I carefully scooted back on the couch until I was sitting right next to her, my back comfortably leaning against the backrest and my left side lightly touching hers.

"I mean, look at my life. I got nothing. Only shit. My daughter's gone, my dad's a f-fucking asshole, my mum's spineless and pathetic and my two best friends are dating each other, making me the third wheel. And I'm just here like 'what do I have'? You know? Like, why can't I have all that? Why can't I find someone? I mean someone who actually likes me back, not like R-"

She made a weird sound then which I interpreted as either a hick-up or a sob, so I blindly reached for her right hand, not trusting myself to look down yet, and squeezed it in what I hoped was a sympathetic way.

"S'gonna be okay, Q." I promised quietly. "You'll find someone and he'll be totally awesome and way better than Finn or- or Puck or Sam or anyone, cause he'll apsh-arp-appreciate you for who you are, and it'll be great, and then you and him and me and Britt and you- wait… anyway, we can all go like on double dates and shit, cause I think Britt would really like that, okay?"

I felt Quinn nod next to me and squeezed her hand again.

We sat like that for a little while until I noticed that my mouth was exceptionally dry. My nausea was almost completely gone by now so I tentatively stood up to get myself a glass of water from the kitchen.

"Hey, I'm getting some water, you want any?" I asked as I walked around the couch.

"Oh, yeah that'd be great. Could you bring some of the bread in too? I think we both need to detox a little."

I grinned. "Got it."

* * *

And that's that. Drunk Quinntana :D  


With Rachel's party coming up there's obviously more where that came from, so I hope you liked it a little :)

Tell me what you think, honeys ;)

Love you all :*


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